Men and Women on the "same page" when it comes to pornography threads?


#1

Are men and women who read the various posts/threads regarding the subject of pornography on the “same page”? Or, do men and women see this in a totally different way. There have been many threads posted recently on this topic, and it seems some folks view this problem a lot differently than others.

Is there a difference between the sexes on this?

What do you think?


#2

I see it this way:
Prn is deliberate temptation and mental cheating. To use it not only harms the person cheated on, it harms the person using it, the people involved in the industry and everyone who has to grow up exposed to it. Using porn creates an incentive to produce and publicize it, increasing the number of people who grow up surrounded by it. It desensitizes and addicts, causing an increase in perversion. It causes a desire for what is unattainable, for otherwise it wouldn’t sell. One can’t sell what can be had free. So the bodies are distorted further until they bear no resemblance to healthy human bodies, the activities shown are increasingly unrealistic until they are simply not possible or until extremely dangerous, the language becomes increasingly evil and degrading until it affects the thought and speech habits of the user, which spread through society, and it becomes impossible to escape the artificial culture porn invents. Meanwhile, avoiding using porn is a matter of having something else to do. A married man should have plenty to pass the time. If he’s viewing or reading porn he is cheating and using time he owes his family to do it.


#3

I agree 100% with this. The question is in no way supporting porn, but when one starts a thread talking about this problem or lust ect…, do men and women view the problem from different angles?


#4

How so? Do you mean men see it mainly as a question of whether to use it or not and women as a question of how to keep others away from it? Well, for the most part, I guess, but sometimes women use porn too.


#5

I am sorry, I am not being clear. I think both men and women see it equally as a moral and spiritual problem. No disagreement there, but when someone, usually a guy, writes about how he can’t seem to break away from this problem or lust ect…, do men and women view it differently? Seems that way from responses I see in some threads…

Anybody with me on this?’


#6

Are you trying to say that there’s a difference in approach to porn between the genders? If that is so, then you seem to be right, in my opinion. It doesn’t seem the two genders see it exactly the same way. Men see it as a problem, sometimes a shameful and self-conscious-making one, while women see it in more of an end of the world way. I also believe women watch porn much less than men do. I’m just hesitant to accept the idea that women don’t have any counterpart of porn, as in perhaps something less visual but equally disconcerting. However, I don’t want to go further since I’m afraid I’d be fixated on finding something.


#7

Chevalier you are right, you could say women have a counterpart - that would be certain Romance Novels, not all, some are really good reads, others use words to go into detail what we really don’t need detail for and I will leave it there because like you I don’t want to go there either!

I am still unclear as to what the OP is getting at unless he is thinking that perhaps women take it more personally? As a woman I can say that what porn does to my man is causes him to look at me, his wife of 29 years, as an object, not a woman, not his wife, not his help-mate.

Brenda V.


#8

Thanks, yes, you’re getting closer to what I was trying to say. But take it a step farther. Regarding the many Threads where the poster (usually a guy), wants to change his behavior and free from this problem, it seems that men and women approach with their advice differently. Make sense?


#9

Having heard many hard-to-believe things about sex from men and knowing many of them had a stake in convincing me they see it a certain way, I am skeptical when talking with men about that subject, but I notice men tend to equate sex with almost everything in the world whereas women see it as a particular subject that begins and ends within obvious boundaries. So maybe women see it as easy to give up a porn addiction because to a woman any sexual habit is a kind of excessive hobby that can be cut out of a lifestyle without affecting anything else, whereas men might see it as a complete rearrangement of their worlds. This is a guess. It’s just based on the latest in a confusing stream of information from what men are saying right now. I have no clue.


#10

Yep, you’re pretty much saying what I think too. And I do appreciate the courage of the posters and believe, that yes, they want to free themselves of their habits/addictions. But I also find it interesting how men and women approach the posters with sometimes really different types of advice.

Incidentally, I think both sides do offer surprisingly good and honest advice. Must be that men from mars vs women from venus thing.


#11

Please don’t quote that Mars-Venus man. He’s one of the worst analysts of women I have ever read.
I think women aren’t that deeply different from men, we’re just more designed for multi-tasking, less for watching and waiting as warriors and mammoth hunters used to do. So we tend to work slightly differently. Other than that, humans are all from Earth.


#12

Agreed. Incidentally, I never read the book, but familiar with the us vs them cliche’s.


#13

I do think that men are more susceptible to porn than women. As a result there are probably more men who are porn addicts. Women may simply view it as some bad habit which one could easily give up, while to men it can be more addictive than nicotine or cocaine. However, women are equally its victims because they are generally the ones objectified. The porn business has become so huge that it now apparently has its own version of the academy awards for ‘adult’ actors, actresses, and producers.


#14

It is very hard to be patient with someone who “can’t seem to stop” insulting you in your home.


#15

As a woman, I believe we are more likely to see the harmful effects of pornography on women. Men may not fully appreciate certain aspects of the problem the way we can. Here are a few:

  1. Pornography creates a physical image of women that does not exist, or rarely exists, in the natural world. It provides a phony ideal that causes women to feel insecure, depressed, angry, and rightly so … we are not barbie dolls. We are the real thing. We are sick of men being trained to value a fake thing and therefore not fully appreciate us.

  2. Pornography cheapens and devalues women as a whole. We become objects, not beings created in the image of God. It strips women of dignity. It promotes an animalistic approach to sexuality, in which men are the predators and women the prey.

  3. When a woman knows her husband has been unfaithful by way of using pornography, something shuts off inside her. She and her husband are one, but he is now also, in a sense, “one” with other women. The covenant is violated. She feels unsafe, since the one who vowed to protect her has figuratively let strangers into their bedroom. She feels abandoned. She feels angry for having to compete with the cheap and unreal images. Indeed, she feels cheapened herself.

I know that many men have come to understand these tragic realities, but they are instinctual to a woman. Where pornography is concerned, what man has to learn in his head, woman has known all along in her heart.


#16

The hideous indluence of pornography on our culture has now reached all areas of our life. The recent pornography “film” awards were recently publicized on the news as if they were no different to the Academy Awards -I’m talking about the 7pm news here folks. It has also influenced the way women feel they should dress, look and behave. The United Kingdom Association of Plastic Surgery has recently declared the huge rise in females having genital cosmetic surgery. This is a result of the popularity of the Brazillian wax and woman wanting their genital area to look more like “the ones they see in porn movies”. Women are becoming so insecure of being COMPARED to the women their men view in porn films that they feel they have to become just like them. This is depressing in the extreme.Let’s look at hair. Sales of long blonde hair extensions have reached new heights and this is a direct result of the majority of porn sars sporting this look. (Think of the “girls” in the Playboy Mansion. One of the young girls retailers here was recently selling t-shirts that say “WE LOVE PARIS HILTON” and equally mindless rubbish like that. What kind of role model is Paris Hilton. Well to celebrate her recent birthday she went to Vegas with the Pussycat Dolls and did a striptease on stage then languished in her undies in a giant champagne glass.

Pornography is on the internet, tv, we can even get it on our phones now. It has invaded every aspect of our culture -and it is spreading. Did you know the there is a lingerie brand called Love Kylie and I read the following quote on a parenting website “Love Kylie is fun, sexy and sassy”. It is also designed for the 12 and under market 12 market. When sex is so pervasive in our culture, even our young are now vulnerable and being exposed to the putrid idea that women have to olay the whore.

Yes, as you can see I HATE PORN, I loathe it. I have been a victim of it and found it so hurtful (as bad as cheating), and it made me so insecure about myself. What I have written is only the tip of the iceburg when it comes to the subject. In answer to your question it is obvious that the majority of men MUST see it differently otherwise it would not have become as acceptable and as mainstream as it is today. I may write more later.


#17

surfinpure and AussieAnn have both summarized the problem quite well, especially from a female viewpoint. The objectification of women has spread from porn itself and into the general culture. Look at what is on TV, in sitcoms, in magazines. Porn seeps into every aspect of the culture. It influences how girls perceive themselves from an early age, and how boys perceive girls and sex.

We have become desensitized; I know I have. I can be absently watching a sitcom and see situations, words, and implicit assumptions which cause me no discomfort because they have become so common, yet would have caused my parents to immediately turn off the TV and drag it to the curb.

Desensitization of adults is bad enough, but we also cause children to lose the innocence of childhood.


#18

great posts by surfinpure and Aussie Ann…but did yous ever consider what this stuff does to the male?it turns them into a helpless slave powerless to the effects of this filth.do you know what is like to live in such a world,knowing what you do is disgusting yet can’t stop doing it?this filth prevades every thought deed and look.it turns men into liars,hypocrits,in other words it turns a man into less then a human.women tend to feel prn objectifiies them but to the man he sees the beauty of the female form,as desirable over all things.these ladies are humans too.


#19

Of course, this is a valid point. It can be evidenced by the recent reports of the number of (anonymous) clergy that have admitted to using porn on a regular basis. Yet while these men would probably never leave the celibate life of Priesthood they are abusing pornography.

However, due to the nature of the majority of porn films, where the male is dominant, or where the female is filmed with numerous men etc( I’m sure you get the gist of what I am trying to portray without me getting into graphic detail. The female can be viewed as more of a victim than the male. While the females are ALWAYS beautiful there are quite a lot of “average” or even “old” looking male porn stars. Thus the pressure to become and look a certain way or a feeling of insecurity about ones sexuality is not as magnified for the male viewer as it is for the female.

In regards to females who activley watch porn for sexual pleasure. The percentages are still quite low. I wonder, also, what percentage of the woman who chose to watch porn are influenced by the fact that so many males or their partners do it and as a result feel under pressure not to appear prudish or sexually uptight? In the days when a man had to go to the local papershop and by a nudie mag or duck down to the red light district and buy a video wrapped in a brown paper bag, female porn use was virtually nill.


#20

I’m not sure I’m getting it right, but as far as I can sense your direction… I think the answer is somewhere in the fact that porn mostly exploits women. Most actors are women. Most viewers are men. It’s women who are objectified in porn and because of it. That’s why women will take it as perhaps even a direct threat and insult, whereas men will view it in a different context of their personal guilt and perhaps the influence they have on the neighbourhood.


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