Men: time to man up to the shallow culture by protecting our women, sons and daughters


#1

Billy Ray (Cyrus) may have sung stubbornly “Don’t tell my heart,” but Glenn Stanton, author of Secure Daughters, Confident Sons, offers advice, “Billy Ray needs to gather his courage — man up — and do what his heart is screaming at him to do. . . . He, like all dads, needs to saddle up, ride in and be the protector of his daughter from a predatory world. And I am not talking about being overprotective, that’s not helpful either. But as Billy Ray explains in the profile, he has only been riding in after the damage to mop up the mess. That won’t do and it hasn’t. His daughter needs him, even if it seems she’s sending the message that she doesn’t.”

Billy Ray Cyrus underscores the predicament of fatherhood and manhood in our culture today. In her upcoming book Manning Up, Kay Hymowitz recalls that being someone’s father once “gave men a meaningful role and identity, not to mention a reason to go to work. A boy growing up in a dad world knew something was expected of him. The culture insisted: we need you!” Today, however, the message is more like: “You’re expendable!” Which is the song Cyrus seems to sing — back when he was in his daughter’s daily life, on and off screen, and now, letting others make the calls.

But he’s not expendable. Stanton emphasizes: “Boys who do not get love, warmth, protection, guidance, and affirmation from their fathers tend to become more violent and sexually opportunistic because they are seeking to prove their masculinity to the world. This is what gangs are about. Well-fathered boys don’t join gangs. They get that man-affirmation from their dads. Girls who do not get love, respect, care and protection from their fathers will desperately look for it from other males. This moves them toward being party girls and desperate sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys. Mothers can play a role here, but no one can replace dad’s unique role.

Source: nationalreview.com/articles/260122/billy-ray-knows-best-kathryn-jean-lopez


#2

[quote="ManOnFire, post:1, topic:234886"]
Billy Ray (Cyrus) may have sung stubbornly “Don’t tell my heart,” but Glenn Stanton, author of Secure Daughters, Confident Sons, offers advice, “Billy Ray needs to gather his courage — man up — and do what his heart is screaming at him to do. . . . He, like all dads, needs to saddle up, ride in and be the protector of his daughter from a predatory world. And I am not talking about being overprotective, that’s not helpful either. But as Billy Ray explains in the profile, he has only been riding in after the damage to mop up the mess. That won’t do and it hasn’t. His daughter needs him, even if it seems she’s sending the message that she doesn’t.”

Billy Ray Cyrus underscores the predicament of fatherhood and manhood in our culture today. In her upcoming book Manning Up, Kay Hymowitz recalls that being someone’s father once “gave men a meaningful role and identity, not to mention a reason to go to work. A boy growing up in a dad world knew something was expected of him. The culture insisted: we need you!” Today, however, the message is more like: “You’re expendable!” Which is the song Cyrus seems to sing — back when he was in his daughter’s daily life, on and off screen, and now, letting others make the calls.

But he’s not expendable. Stanton emphasizes: “Boys who do not get love, warmth, protection, guidance, and affirmation from their fathers tend to become more violent and sexually opportunistic because they are seeking to prove their masculinity to the world. This is what gangs are about. Well-fathered boys don’t join gangs. They get that man-affirmation from their dads. Girls who do not get love, respect, care and protection from their fathers will desperately look for it from other males. This moves them toward being party girls and desperate sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys. Mothers can play a role here, but no one can replace dad’s unique role.

Source: nationalreview.com/articles/260122/billy-ray-knows-best-kathryn-jean-lopez

[/quote]

:yup::yup::yup::clapping::clapping:

Indeed, no one can replace an INVOLVED dad's unique role.


#3

When a man man’s up his wife has to be behind him and not undermine him.


#4

Sweet Baby Jesus----take me now.


#5

True. They're getting a divorce and it looks like they're playing their children against each other. Billy Ray is finally trying to help his kids and set boundaries and standards for them (before he said he wanted to be Miley's best friend, so this is new), and then last November Tish threw Miley's 18th birthday party at a 21+ club. Billy Ray didn't attend said party and now Miley's mad at him for that and she says she doesn't need him. Miley was acting out since she was 14-15 (leaked inappropriate photos, and then her dad let her date a guy who was 20 when she was just 15) and I think she really needed her dad to set boundaries for her and say "no" sometimes, but he didn't know how to.

We need to pray for this family to get on the right track. :signofcross:


#6

Is this a thread about manhood or Hanna Barbera--I mean Montana?


#7

Hey Yo-gi!:smiley:


#8

[quote="horselvr, post:4, topic:234886"]
Sweet Baby Jesus----take me now.

[/quote]

What did you mean by that?:confused:


#9

I completely agree and feel like the feminizing of the modern world has done a huge disservice to our boys (and men.) I noticed this the other day when DH and I were at a restaurant-- there was a family with two little girls and a little boy. The little boy was right in the middle of the girls age-wise, but even the younger girl was conducting herself as more of an adult than the little boy. Both the girls were getting their own napkins, straws, etc. But the mother was waiting on the little boy. He was kicking his legs and talking loud and kind of acting out, while the girls and mother were all sort of rolling their eyes and talking around him. It was pretty interesting.

That being said, these kinds of things do hit a nerve with me. I would never want to raise my future potential children without a father and never would actively do so-- I know how important a father can be. That being said, I was raised by a very loving and strong single mother. I turned out alright. I know for a fact that my life would have been more chaotic and I would have been more misbehaved and whatnot had my "father" been involved in my life. I know that statistically this is not the norm, but it always kind of irks me when all different kinds of articles try to pigeonhole me into what I am "supposed" to be. :o


#10

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:8, topic:234886"]
What did you mean by that?:confused:

[/quote]

I would say that if it's not the name of a lesser-known Billy Ray Cyrus song, it's a rhetorical plea to the fact someone else has started yet another thread to further cause division, hurt, and harm between CAF users. You know, the kind that always get closed down.


#11

[quote="buffalo, post:3, topic:234886"]
When a man man's up his wife has to be behind him and not undermine him.

[/quote]

absolutely true. Some moms grip too tightly by thinking they're the only ones who can do it right, or the best way, which is their way. We have 5 kids, so my wife is happy for the help. The bigger the family, the less control freaky any one parent can realistically be...
We men should pray to find a woman who realizes dad's important role in these matters.


#12

[quote="Prayerfully, post:10, topic:234886"]
I would say that if it's not the name of a lesser-known Billy Ray Cyrus song, it's a rhetorical plea to the fact someone else has started yet another thread to further cause division, hurt, and harm between CAF users. You know, the kind that always get closed down.

[/quote]

The thread is about Men. Billy Ray is just an example.

Truly open minded people shouldn't be offended by the thread. There's only one best way or Truth regarding parenthood. I've changed my faulty expectations once I realized there was a better way. The invincible ego is the real problem. Billy Ray realized too late.


#13

"What did you mean by that?" Real Julianne thanks for asking and please know that I do agree with you that no one can replace an involved dad's unique roll but a lot of us gals sure have to take a darned good stab at it when life throws the old curve ball. ;)

Sweeping statements like: "Boys who do not get love, warmth, protection, guidance, and affirmation from their fathers tend to become more violent and sexually opportunistic because they are seeking to prove their masculinity to the world."

Another sweeping statement: "Girls who do not get love, respect, care and protection from their fathers will desperately look for it from other males. This moves them toward being party girls and desperate sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys. Mothers can play a role here, but no one can replace dad’s unique role."

And then this: "Truly open minded people shouldn't be offended by the thread." :cool:

Don't be so open minded that your brains fall out.

First of all, I happen to have raised a son on my own. I have a big news flash for you, he isn't a gang member and he doesn't believe in pre-marital sex. He's too busy holding down 2 jobs and going to school for computer science.

I was also raised by a single Mother along with my 3 siblings. Not one of us turned out to be party girls or sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys.

I'd like to know---where are all these fabulous Fathers everyone keeps talking about that are always there for their families? Have you not been reading all the threads that complain about cheating husbands, porn addicted men, husbands hanging out in nude bars, abusive husbands, the list goes on.

Every now and again we will get a man that proclaims to be a good husband and father and we all clap and cheer and we all pat him on the back. Why? This should be expected of men and it should be the norm. We shouldn't have to set off fire works because some husband allows his wife to go to Mass, or shopping, and he actually stays home to "baby sit the kids".

There are plenty that were raised in a home with only female influence and they seemed to have grown up ok.

Those quotes are just a tad too sweeping for me and I am noticing threads that do try to divide and cause friction.


#14

[quote="horselvr, post:13, topic:234886"]
"What did you mean by that?" Real Julianne thanks for asking and please know that I do agree with you that no one can replace an involved dad's unique roll but a lot of us gals sure have to take a darned good stab at it when life throws the old curve ball. ;)

Sweeping statements like: "Boys who do not get love, warmth, protection, guidance, and affirmation from their fathers tend to become more violent and sexually opportunistic because they are seeking to prove their masculinity to the world."

Another sweeping statement: "Girls who do not get love, respect, care and protection from their fathers will desperately look for it from other males. This moves them toward being party girls and desperate sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys. Mothers can play a role here, but no one can replace dad’s unique role."

And then this: "Truly open minded people shouldn't be offended by the thread." :cool:

Don't be so open minded that your brains fall out.

First of all, I happen to have raised a son on my own. I have a big news flash for you, he isn't a gang member and he doesn't believe in pre-marital sex. He's too busy holding down 2 jobs and going to school for computer science.

I was also raised by a single Mother along with my 3 siblings. Not one of us turned out to be party girls or sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys.

**I'd like to know---where are all these fabulous Fathers everyone keeps talking about that are always there for their families? Have you not been reading all the threads that complain about cheating husbands, porn addicted men, husbands hanging out in nude bars, abusive husbands, the list goes on. **Every now and again we will get a man that proclaims to be a good husband and father and we all clap and cheer and we all pat him on the back. Why? This should be expected of men and it should be the norm. We shouldn't have to set off fire works because some husband allows his wife to go to Mass, or shopping, and he actually stays home to "baby sit the kids".

There are plenty that were raised in a home with only female influence and they seemed to have grown up ok.

Those quotes are just a tad too sweeping for me and I am noticing threads that do try to divide and cause friction.

[/quote]

This thread in a way is a reminder to fathers that the above bolded just won't do. We do need our husbands to be good fathers and in addition to combatting the above, need to refrain from undermining them.


#15

[quote="ManOnFire, post:1, topic:234886"]
Billy Ray (Cyrus) may have sung stubbornly “Don’t tell my heart,” but Glenn Stanton, author of Secure Daughters, Confident Sons, offers advice, “Billy Ray needs to gather his courage — man up — and do what his heart is screaming at him to do. . . . He, like all dads, needs to saddle up, ride in and be the protector of his daughter from a predatory world. And I am not talking about being overprotective, that’s not helpful either. But as Billy Ray explains in the profile, he has only been riding in after the damage to mop up the mess. That won’t do and it hasn’t. His daughter needs him, even if it seems she’s sending the message that she doesn’t.”

Billy Ray Cyrus underscores the predicament of fatherhood and manhood in our culture today. In her upcoming book Manning Up, Kay Hymowitz recalls that being someone’s father once “gave men a meaningful role and identity, not to mention a reason to go to work. A boy growing up in a dad world knew something was expected of him. The culture insisted: we need you!” Today, however, the message is more like: “You’re expendable!” Which is the song Cyrus seems to sing — back when he was in his daughter’s daily life, on and off screen, and now, letting others make the calls.

But he’s not expendable. Stanton emphasizes: “Boys who do not get love, warmth, protection, guidance, and affirmation from their fathers tend to become more violent and sexually opportunistic because they are seeking to prove their masculinity to the world. This is what gangs are about. Well-fathered boys don’t join gangs. They get that man-affirmation from their dads. Girls who do not get love, respect, care and protection from their fathers will desperately look for it from other males. This moves them toward being party girls and desperate sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys. Mothers can play a role here, but no one can replace dad’s unique role.

Source: nationalreview.com/articles/260122/billy-ray-knows-best-kathryn-jean-lopez

[/quote]

Said like a man!

And that "manning up"means speaking out LOUDLY against the things that make it difficult for Dads to be good dads, against the things in the world that dish up bad role modelling for kids and the things that distract them from developing good manners and good ethics..

As for horselvr saying* "...I'd like to know---where are all these fabulous Fathers everyone keeps talking about that are always there for their families? Have you not been reading all the threads that complain about cheating husbands, porn addicted men, husbands hanging out in nude bars, abusive husbands, the list goes on.", *the call is especially to them, or maybe even against them, because they are not behaving as real men should. Cutting out the anti-family stuff means behaving like a man should. Cutting out the stuff that now pervades our culture that demeans men means being man enough to say no. When men say "No" to that stuff, then they can do as our OP says. They will have manned up. However, horselvr needs to realise that there are countless thousands of good men out there trying their damndest in the face of all that the decadent cultural influences throws up.


#16

[quote="horselvr, post:13, topic:234886"]
"What did you mean by that?" Real Julianne thanks for asking and please know that I do agree with you that no one can replace an involved dad's unique roll but a lot of us gals sure have to take a darned good stab at it when life throws the old curve ball. ;)

Sweeping statements like: "Boys who do not get love, warmth, protection, guidance, and affirmation from their fathers tend to become more violent and sexually opportunistic because they are seeking to prove their masculinity to the world."

Another sweeping statement: "Girls who do not get love, respect, care and protection from their fathers will desperately look for it from other males. This moves them toward being party girls and desperate sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys. Mothers can play a role here, but no one can replace dad’s unique role."

And then this: "Truly open minded people shouldn't be offended by the thread." :cool:

Don't be so open minded that your brains fall out.

First of all, I happen to have raised a son on my own. I have a big news flash for you, he isn't a gang member and he doesn't believe in pre-marital sex. He's too busy holding down 2 jobs and going to school for computer science.

I was also raised by a single Mother along with my 3 siblings. Not one of us turned out to be party girls or sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys.

I'd like to know---where are all these fabulous Fathers everyone keeps talking about that are always there for their families? Have you not been reading all the threads that complain about cheating husbands, porn addicted men, husbands hanging out in nude bars, abusive husbands, the list goes on.

Every now and again we will get a man that proclaims to be a good husband and father and we all clap and cheer and we all pat him on the back. Why? This should be expected of men and it should be the norm. We shouldn't have to set off fire works because some husband allows his wife to go to Mass, or shopping, and he actually stays home to "baby sit the kids".

There are plenty that were raised in a home with only female influence and they seemed to have grown up ok.

Those quotes are just a tad too sweeping for me and I am noticing threads that do try to divide and cause friction.

[/quote]

Statistics just show trends, and most of the single parent statistics are based on single mothers simply because there have been far more of them than single father households.

And pretty much everything you've said about men could be said about women too. Cheating, porn, financial addictions, drugs, mid-life crises - it comes down to responsibility and committment and there's plenty of people of both genders nowadays who fail at that. Somehow, two people remaining committed to each other for life, feeling a sense of responsibility to each other and their family has become abnormal.

The finest man I ever knew, my father, was raised by a single mother during the depression, in a very rough neighborhood in a major city.

But I'm part of a growing trend, a single Dad. And no, I can't be both mom and dad to my kids no matter how hard I try. And that is a huge whole in their lives, especially my son's. I do have to be aware of the implications and risks of his situation and try to mitigate it. Unfortunately, a lot less statistics on single dad's raising kids than single mom's.


#17

[quote="horselvr, post:13, topic:234886"]
"What did you mean by that?" Real Julianne thanks for asking and please know that I do agree with you that no one can replace an involved dad's unique roll but a lot of us gals sure have to take a darned good stab at it when life throws the old curve ball. ;)

Sweeping statements like: "Boys who do not get love, warmth, protection, guidance, and affirmation from their fathers tend to become more violent and sexually opportunistic because they are seeking to prove their masculinity to the world."

Another sweeping statement: "Girls who do not get love, respect, care and protection from their fathers will desperately look for it from other males. This moves them toward being party girls and desperate sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys. Mothers can play a role here, but no one can replace dad’s unique role."

And then this: "Truly open minded people shouldn't be offended by the thread." :cool:

Don't be so open minded that your brains fall out.

First of all, I happen to have raised a son on my own. I have a big news flash for you, he isn't a gang member and he doesn't believe in pre-marital sex. He's too busy holding down 2 jobs and going to school for computer science.

I was also raised by a single Mother along with my 3 siblings. Not one of us turned out to be party girls or sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys.

I'd like to know---where are all these fabulous Fathers everyone keeps talking about that are always there for their families? Have you not been reading all the threads that complain about cheating husbands, porn addicted men, husbands hanging out in nude bars, abusive husbands, the list goes on.

Every now and again we will get a man that proclaims to be a good husband and father and we all clap and cheer and we all pat him on the back. Why? This should be expected of men and it should be the norm. We shouldn't have to set off fire works because some husband allows his wife to go to Mass, or shopping, and he actually stays home to "baby sit the kids".

There are plenty that were raised in a home with only female influence and they seemed to have grown up ok.

Those quotes are just a tad too sweeping for me and I am noticing threads that do try to divide and cause friction.

[/quote]

Kudos to you for raising your son to be an upstanding man! It's not easy in the culture we have now or for the last 40 years.

I don't understand why women get so defensive about these threads! Men want to be a stronger force in the culture - why is that a threat to you? Really, what does it have to do with you or your life at all?

Go to the prisons and see how many of the inmates had fathers in the home. There is essentially no black family to speak of any more. That's what the culture has done to black Americans - destroyed what used to be VERY strong, faith-based families.

What I seem to be seeing on these threads are women with their panties in a wad, getting all offended because general statements are being made about society. Just because you or I have done things better, or you or I know x amount of people who are different, does not mean that a general statement is wrong! There are exceptions to a rule, but that does not mean that the rule does not exist.

How can a boy learn to be a man without any honorable male influence? Did your son have a grandfather, an uncle, teachers, scout leaders, youth group leaders, to help him learn how to be a man? If not, then he truly is a miracle. Can a boy learn to be a man by watching television? What does he absorb? That people of his gender are STUPID! Idiots! Fools! Deserve whatever ridicule they get! I get very angry when I see how men are portrayed in sit-coms, and especially in commercials. There's one right now for Tide, where the dad sees a tiny white miniskirt hanging on the clothesline, he makes a face, then uses it to wipe the grease off his hands and throws it in the hamper. Then his teenage strumpet finds it and takes it to mom, and they use Tide to clean it. Dad says nothing as daughter parades out of the house wearing this strip of cloth barely covering her backside. Disgusting!

Why can't moms just let the men BE themselves and if they want to talk about manning up, SUPPORT THEM???


#18

Simply put, in today's society it seems that men don't act like men, women don't act like women, and certainly children do not act like children! How much worse can it get?!


#19

[quote="ManOnFire, post:1, topic:234886"]

But he’s not expendable. Stanton emphasizes: “Boys who do not get love, warmth, protection, guidance, and affirmation from their fathers tend to become more violent and sexually opportunistic because they are seeking to prove their masculinity to the world. This is what gangs are about. Well-fathered boys don’t join gangs. They get that man-affirmation from their dads. Girls who do not get love, respect, care and protection from their fathers will desperately look for it from other males. This moves them toward being party girls and desperate sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys. Mothers can play a role here, but no one can replace dad’s unique role.

Source: nationalreview.com/articles/260122/billy-ray-knows-best-kathryn-jean-lopez

[/quote]

This is actually a fairly progressive, feminist standpoint. Setting a strong, loving, kind example for one's sons and daughters is the most important job a man can do, and the embodiment of "true masculinity." If masculinity is not properly socialized, it can end up misplaced, as in the gang example you cited.


#20

[quote="horselvr, post:13, topic:234886"]
Sweeping statements like: "Boys who do not get love, warmth, protection, guidance, and affirmation from their fathers tend to become more violent and sexually opportunistic because they are seeking to prove their masculinity to the world."

Another sweeping statement: "Girls who do not get love, respect, care and protection from their fathers will desperately look for it from other males. This moves them toward being party girls and desperate sexual utilities for endless opportunistic boys. Mothers can play a role here, but no one can replace dad’s unique role."

I'd like to know---where are all these fabulous Fathers everyone keeps talking about that are always there for their families? Have you not been reading all the threads that complain about cheating husbands, porn addicted men, husbands hanging out in nude bars, abusive husbands, the list goes on.

Every now and again we will get a man that proclaims to be a good husband and father and we all clap and cheer and we all pat him on the back. Why? This should be expected of men and it should be the norm. We shouldn't have to set off fire works because some husband allows his wife to go to Mass, or shopping, and he actually stays home to "baby sit the kids".

There are plenty that were raised in a home with only female influence and they seemed to have grown up ok.

Those quotes are just a tad too sweeping for me and I am noticing threads that do try to divide and cause friction.

[/quote]

The author of the article writes for the National Review. She sounds like she's read some of John Eldredge's books.

Many men have tremendous focus, that's why we don't "listen." We're distracted by entertainment. It's a shame that the entertainment industry is refocusing our attention away from family and the Church's romanticism and into the selfish pursuit of it at the expense of families and true love. I would have expected to see more women throwing out the TVs with all of the scantilly clad hotties that distract us into lust. Conservatives are not putting this stuff on TV.


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