My wife is currently in the midst of menopause and as a result her interest in sex is at an all time low. For most of our 34 years of marriage we had a great sex life. My wife says that she still loves me and would like to have sex more often, but menopause has taken a toll on her sex drive. It is to the point that attempting to have sex when she does not feel inclined is frustrating and just makes her feel very bad. She will not take HRT or any other drug due to her family history of cancer and I certainly won’t argue with that. But in the meantime I am struggling, having to go without sex for long periods of time. I am embarassed at describing such a problem that one might not expect to experience at my age, but frankly it is tormenting. I sometimes feel that I have nowhere to turn and that, unfortunately, masturbation is my only out. I know that all men struggle with sexual tempation at times, but do they all struggle to the extent that if feels like outright suffering? So my question is, “do I simply need to learn how to do better at suffering?” or “is this some kind of addiction that can be treated and cured?”
This answer coming from a woman . . .
I think if you have had 34 years of a great sex life, then for now, you ought to be patient and do your best to be chaste.
Who knows how often she may have sacrificed for you in the past, now it’s your turn. (obviously I don’t know ALL about your relationship, so this is based on what you wrote.)
Yes and yes.
Start reading up on the virtue of chastity and marital chastity. Self-mastery is a virtue. If you have not had to practice it for 34 yeras, it will take some time to build up your chastity-muscles.
“do I simply need to learn how to do better at suffering?” or “is this some kind of addiction that can be treated and cured?”
both are right, actually,
i’m assuming you’re catholic?
well, as catholics we should mortify our senses, which is all about denying yourself of things you enjoy or things you crave, and even things that you would just suffer without, of course you should never fast from something if it meant risking your life, like for example, if you’re sick you shouldn’t fast,
well anyways, yes sex can be an addiction, but i can’t tell you if that’s the case for you,
if it does frusterate you and torment you so much though, then you probably do need to do something about it, because there really isn’t anything anyone needs so much that they should get upset over it,
and masturbation definitely is not the answer, it’s a mortal sin…of course judging by the way you said “unfortunately, masturbation is my only out” i’m guessing you already knew that.
there is never an excuse to sin, and God does not accept excuses, the only answers are to pray, and deny yourself of those things.
well, what you need to do most of all is just pray, ask God to give you the grace to overcome your temptations,
it’s very important to fight your sinful urges, and if it’s tormenting you bad enough, then do something more extreme, like hop in a cold shower, or i dunno…eat something like tabasco sauce,
just whatever it takes,
and the more you deny yourself of the things you shouldn’t do, the easier it will get…although sins of the flesh are usually something we have to fight our entire life,
just never tell yourself there’s something you can’t do, and never tell yourself "it’s just the way i am"
because if you say that, then you’re basically saying that God can’t do everything, and by it you’re also denying His graces,
not that you would say that…
but anyways, we also have to remember, that sex is something you do out of love for the person you’re with, when you’re truly in love with someone, you do it for them and not for yourself,
you want to make them happy and make them feel good,
but to crave it so much for yourself to the point of frustration or anger, is just selfish,
and it’s at that point you have to ask yourself, are you in control of your sex life, or is your sex life in control of you?
that is really the point of mortifying our senses, it’s about being in control of yourself and all your feelings,
if something is hard for you to resist or overcome, then obviously it’s controlling you, and you are a slave to it
ok well…i hope something out of all of that helped you, i really can’t say i understand completely what you’re going threw, so sorry if i misunderstood something.
ok that’s all, bye bye.
I can totally relate to your wife because I am a woman and experiencing the same thing at my age (56) and am totally perplexed. The loss of her libido can make a woman depressed also and vice versa. However, the problem at menopause is usually hormonal. My doctor told me there are some remedies and they don’t have to involve estrogen (which you’d want to avoid if there is a history of personal or family breast or uterine cancer) but a small dose of testesterone that may be either in pill or patch form.
You might want to ask your wife to see another gynecologist, preferebly one who knows something about bio-identical hormones.