I have never experienced anything like this before.Recently, I have gone through some very trying times,and the positive side is that I feel closer to God than I have in a long time.I spend more time than ever reading my bible and praying, because it was when I took my eyes off Him that I got involved in things I should not have been involved in as a married woman.
However, the closer I want to get to God the more I feel that I am literally being attacked.My transgression was of a sexual nature- we didn’t have sex, but wanted to(just as bad), and to compound things, he is a priest(as many of you know who helped me through my saga!).
What is happening, is that the most terrible impure thoughts keep invading my mind, at the most inopportune moments.These thoughts involve him and I and sex.An example will be the minute Mass starts, I keep imagining what it would have been like to have sex with him-could it be worse!!!.I keep blocking each thought with a prayer the minute it enters my mind, because I do not want to entertain such disgusting thoughts and images.I spend the entire service doing that- the result is that I could not have told you any of the readings, sermon,etc.Or it happens when my husband and I are intimate-and puts me off totally.
I have confessed my transgression, told my husband, ended contact, and don’t want to be thinking these thoughts.It’s as if I have no control over them, and all I can do is pray when this happens.
I must say I am exhausted with this mental battle going on all the time.The more I pray the worse it seems to get.
Has anyone else experienced this?Any other ideas to deal with the situation?How long can it keep going on for?I am getting my life back in order, and these thoughts keep reminding me of the whole sorry incident,which I am trying to put behind me.I really am desperate.