My grandmother, a devout Catholic, and very important person in my life, recently passed away. Since then, I have regularly attended Mass and prayed the rosary daily.
I want to renew my commitment to Catholicism, but I do have a heavy burden pulling at my heart.
I have not confessed since I was very young; almost a decade ago.
In the time since my last confession, I have committed some horrible, heinous, heinous acts which haunt me daily. These are not common sins at all.
I have asked God in prayers many, many times for forgiveness over the years, but never feel better.
I don’t know how I could ever speak out loud some of the awful things I’ve done in my life.
I try to be a better person, and pray daily for forgiveness and the opportunity to help more people than I’ve hurt.
If I had to write down the sins I’ve committed since my last confession and read them all to a priest, I honestly believe he would be horrified and not stand the sight of me again.
The truth is, I don’t think I could ever confess my sins to another person. But I never feel the forgiveness I ask for in my prayers.
I don’t know what to do.