Hello all. I want to know just how deep in trouble with God am I?
First off, my mom passed away a month ago today after a tragic battle with Alzheimers. I was her primary care giver for the last year of her life. Her passing was about six months early.
Anyways - Life has been a daze since with memorials, family & friends visiting, cleaning out the house, lawyers, etc. not to mention grief.
So, I have yet to go to church… yep. I haven’t made it to Mass, confession or anything since. Today I totally forgot it was Friday until after I ate the chicken sandwhich. I didn’t fast on Ash Wednesday - the day after the memorial when i ate the leftover food. At first I didn’t go to church because I was afraid to be a weeping mess in publlic and didn’t want to ‘be on’ if that makes sense: putting on a happy face when I feel far from it. Then, my depression just wants me to stay in bed.
It’s not that I hate God or am mad at him - I am just terribly distracted and honestly don’t think about it. I joke that I gave my mom for lent as I don’t have a lenten discipline.
I called my parish office to make an appointment to visit/confess with a priest last week. Still haven’t heard back and it hasn’t been on my radar to call again.
I feel I have a heap of mortal sins on my soul and I am too weary to care.
Just wanted to share in the hope that I am not too far gone…