Messed up again during Lent - In mourning

Hello all. I want to know just how deep in trouble with God am I?

First off, my mom passed away a month ago today after a tragic battle with Alzheimers. I was her primary care giver for the last year of her life. Her passing was about six months early.
Anyways - Life has been a daze since with memorials, family & friends visiting, cleaning out the house, lawyers, etc. not to mention grief.
So, I have yet to go to church… yep. I haven’t made it to Mass, confession or anything since. Today I totally forgot it was Friday until after I ate the chicken sandwhich. I didn’t fast on Ash Wednesday - the day after the memorial when i ate the leftover food. At first I didn’t go to church because I was afraid to be a weeping mess in publlic and didn’t want to ‘be on’ if that makes sense: putting on a happy face when I feel far from it. Then, my depression just wants me to stay in bed.
It’s not that I hate God or am mad at him - I am just terribly distracted and honestly don’t think about it. I joke that I gave my mom for lent as I don’t have a lenten discipline.
I called my parish office to make an appointment to visit/confess with a priest last week. Still haven’t heard back and it hasn’t been on my radar to call again.
I feel I have a heap of mortal sins on my soul and I am too weary to care.
Just wanted to share in the hope that I am not too far gone…

Honestly youre doing exactly what i would be doing. Not saying its right or wrong but youre in a state of mourning and if anyone wants to slam or judge you then they themselves have a problem. Ill pray for you tonight and may you find peace and become worry and stress free!

Goodness - you are just so human ! Who wouldnt be feeling pain in your situation ? Pray & have Masses offered for the repose of your Mothers Soul - acts of charity cover a multitude of sins - though I would leave it up to your confessor to work through these things with you . ( I wouldnt think that a memory lapse is actually a sin more particularly when you are carrying such a burden of grief . ) When Our Lord walked this earth He showed great compassion for human suffering - He`s still the same God now as He was then . You & your Mother are in my prayers .
[SIGN]Pax et Bonum [/SIGN]


Dear jw2lds2catholic,
Thank you for sharing and letting us share your burdens!!! Sometimes your shortcomings seem so small compared to mine! “We were made to serve one another, we are called to love tenderly…” (nice song we sing occasionally at church) The way I see it, the Church’s periodic requirements of fellowship, sacraments, etc., are practical ways to help us keep our feet on the ground, tying us down to earth while offering grace and strengths to pass through spiritually difficult times. You and your ma are in our prayers, and I wish you a speedy return to a healthy spiritual regimen. You have a good heart and God knows that; keep in touch with the forums, maybe you can help some more poor souls! Thanks again:thumbsup:**

Deep psychological and physical burdens definitely soften the culpability of serious sin. Bereavement certainly falls in that category IMHO.

Don’t beat yourself up over it. When the dust settles, you’ll get back on track.

You can share in all my prayers and Masses while you’re coping with your grieving.
My Mum died years ago. I can still shed a tear in memory of what we can no longer share and the things I was never able to do with her as adult women, as I was 18 when she suddenly died.
You’ve lost your mother, and all the structure of your life around her.
You’re living in grief-shock at present
. Go gently. Love, Trishie

Absolutely. In fact, OP might want to just schedule a talk with his/her pastor as a way of coping with the grief and weariness of soul. Let the pastor decide if confession is even necessary just now or not. The OP might certainly call the parish office again and state that the need is really more along the lines of intense bereavement than simple confession. The symptoms described aren’t unusual for the circumstances, but they shouldn’t be treated as if they are nothing. The need for solace from someone who knows how to give it sounds to be substantial. To be available for someone in the OP’s place is one of the reasons men find the sacrifices of the priesthood well worth their while.

Also, I know people who choose not to go to Mass at their home parish when they are in deep mourning, because they don’t feel up to the attention, especially as well-meant as they know it is and as dear as their fellow parishioners often are. It winds up being a situation of the one needing the solace making more effort than they would be without it. Others in the same place might find it a godsend, but not everyone is the same, and that is OK. They may even choose to go to a nursing home or something: that is, some place where the assembly is small and the liturgy simple, where everyone is experienced with loss, even if they are not currently in sorrow, and where no one knows them.

Hang in there, OP, and our prayers are with you.

Last night while getting the kids dinner out. ( they were having mince n gravy. While i was having stir fry) After i was done dishing their dinner out. I had about three fork fulls of mince. I didn;t realize what i was doing as it is something i normaly do. I think if the laspes was unintentional. It is no big deal. (hopefully lol)

Oh, God bless you. I have tears starting as I think of you situation, as it reminds me of losing my daughter.
Be gentle with yourself, as you would with anyone else, if they told you about it. It was months before we could go to Mass at our own church, as we didn’t want to be called on to talk to anyone, kind though they meant to be, just as the very wise poster said in a previous post. As it happens, we were able to hide away at the Cathedral - if we had lived somewhere where there was no choice, I doubt if we would have gone to Mass either, as it was so painful.

And what you’ve got to allow for in your situation, is the toll all that caring has taken on you. Emotionally, and also probably physically. You are not well, you mustn’t feel guilty about Mass and the rest. You certainly are not in trouble with God.
He is our loving Father, and knows our weakness. If mere humans can understand and sympathise, how much more can He?

God bless you and bring you peace of mind.

Thanks everyone who responded. Your kind words made me feel better. Hopefully this haze will lift soon, but for now I will just blindly go through it. I have to let go of the guilt of missing church and be content to do what I can do taking it one day at a time. I will contact the parish again for a consultation. I have been speaking with the grief consulor at Hospice and friends (who aren’t catholic, LDS actually) so I do have a support network in place. It’s hard taking care of a husband and two small kids (7 and 4 yrs old) and deal with all this. Thanks for your prayers. I appreciate them. God Bless!

My dad died from Alzheimer’s on a Saturday afternoon three years ago. The next morning at 8:00am I was at Mass (my usual time) praying for dad’s soul.

If Mass isn’t the most important thing in the world, then what is?

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