Mid life crisis vocation


I am age 42, single, no dependents, no family here where I live and work.

As I mentioned, no wife or gf. I don’t see that changing any time soon. That door is not closed, but I no longer pursue it.

So, my question is:

How would you live your life if that was your situation? What would you do?

Any suggestions and advice are appreciated. I can provide more detail if needed.



Prayer first and foremost.

Get a copy of To Save A Thousand Souls.

Do you have an active faith life? Do participate in parish activities and ministries?


I’m going to give the answer that no one likes because it’s obvious, but do the will of God and He will do the rest. Receive the sacraments as frequently as possible and live every moment for the salvation of souls. Offer every action for the glory of God. That sounds obvious and a little fluffy, but the cold, hard, honest truth is that it is the most difficult thing to do at first. A man doesn’t marry and conclude his vocation. That man’s vocation has only begun, because every word he says and act he does is now part of that vocation. Our vocation is universally to be priest, prophet and king. We are to offer fitting sacrifices to God by our daily cross, preach the gospel in word and deed, and rule our lives with charity. So it seems abstract, but make it concrete for yourself by examining your conscience daily and perfecting every action of every day. If the Lord wants you somewhere else, he will lead you. Surrender to His Divide Providence. You’ll be in my prayers.


Don’t worry. You are not alone. Keep doing what you are doing. Develop a good prayer life centered around your faith. I traveled alone for decades. By having a prayer life, and routines, it doesn’t matter where you are. You can walk with Jesus and you will truly know God is everywhere. Focus on the Lord, and everything else will be added. And you will be content.


yes prayer is so important and also getting to mass because mass will connect to God and others. Community is very important and pray that God lead you to a group which really is practicing its faith and also reaching out to others. I have no doubt that God will open new doors for you … seek his will ask mother mary to help you because she was always connected to family, community and active life of prayer.


As we finish this Year of Consecrated Life, please pray on entering the Diaconate. There is no more noble a vocation than service to the Lord. God Bless you.


In your prayer life ask the Lord what His purpose for your life is. In time, if you don’t get a clear response, you’ll likely get an inspiration. Then, you must act on it, even if tentatively. God calls, but it’s up to you to follow Him.

As a vocations director used to say, God cannot drive a parked car. Move!

Pax Christi


This is a nice post.
There’s much work to be done. As someone said, volunteer: work with the needy, be a certified catechist, feed the hungry, visit the sick, loads to do.
You can serve in relative anonymity, and God is still pleased.
Best wishes!


Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.


Hello, Esmac. I’m in the same boat that you are, but with one difference: I have an idea as to where it is I am to go now. However, it didn’t come easy. It took a number of monastery doors being shut in my face and a long and disappointing relationship to bring me here, on top of a couple of years learning to let go of a lot of preconceived notions and ambitions that were holding me back.

I can’t really give you any concrete direction about the arc your life might take over the next few years, because where you will wind up going is a very specific, individual thing, with your talents, social circumstances, spirituality, and so forth all to be taken into account. But in this troubling interim state, the best thing one can do, aside from of course prayer and frequenting the sacraments, is to let go of a lot that you thought you’d be and to offer it up. I found that the Ignatian method of discernment of spirits can help out a lot in many situations. A general confession, a retreat, and a few sessions of spiritual direction could also be very helpful.

Be assured of my prayers.



I looked over the book and I plan to buy it when I finish the one I am on. Thanks, it looks like it will be a refreshing read.

It’s been a struggle at my parish. One priest I struggle to understand his accent, and the elder priest will ramble about a half dozen different things. Very dry. I find for the most part people there aren’t really friendly too. Sunday I couldn’t even get the greeter at the door to say hello to me, much less a welcome. Not a word aside from his frown.

I’ve given up on listening to the Catholic Channel too. There’s no nourishment for the listener with their programs. No preaching. It’s sad.

I tried Knights of Columbus, RCIA and Eucharistic Ministry and had to step away from all three of them.

On a positive note I am running a rosary ministry where I mail out out rosary books to parishes across the country, one state at a time, one state per month. I have some benefactors that help me with the expense.


I just want to say to everyone that I have read all of your replies. There is some really good feedback on here, thank you. And to think that a stranger would really pray for me means a lot. Thank you again.

I have been in seminary before for a year. I discerned out. They guys I was with in my class, many of them were ordained in June. God bless them.

The one thing I can share with ya’ll with me now is I just try to stay busy. I try to outwork my problems. I often pray the Litury of the Hours (MP EP NP) especially on weekends and I feel like that helps to keep me grounded.

The biggest issue I can tell you I have is identity conflict. I don’t know who I am or who I am supposed to be on this platform. I don’t even know what the platform is.

That’s what I am asking. I have not ruled out going back to seminary or a religious order. It’s a possibility. It is.

In fact I haven’t allowed myself to buy a house because I am still trying to figure it out five years later. It’s been a lonely five years, but there has been growth.

I have no idea what God’s will is for me. I pray to him every day about it. All I know is time is racing by and I’m trying figure out what to do and live my days with Him in mind, but i often find myself dropping the cross. A lot of times it is stress induced that leads to anger, lost battles with internet porn and just getting caught up in the world and the selfishness it offers.

Has this happened to you or sound similar to you? Any help is appreciated very much.



I think think you might want to try some work with a ministry that is a little more demanding to help you discern. Find some something where you will have to work directly serving other people and have to take direction from a superior.

God bless you.


I was reading through your post. I also certainly relate to struggling with what my ultimate purpose is as the years go by. One thing stood out to me though – internet porn. Is this something you struggle with frequently? If so, have you sought out help? If you are addicted to impure acts, God could be calling you to focus on your struggle with addiction and live a pure life.

I say this from experience. I’m addicted to porn/masturbation, but in times that I’ve had more success against it, I’ve also had more clarity about how to live.

God bless


May the Holy Spirit grant you a greater portion of chastity to combat your compulsion. You are not alone in your struggle. Continue to pray for others as we pray for you. :thumbsup:



Can you please expand on that? Private message to me if need be. Sounds like you are talking about a religious order but not certain.



I once heard a monk say you won’t lose your sexual desire until the last nail is nailed into your coffin. With that is mind, sexuality I think, applies to all, not just you and me.

Keep in mind that the porn industry generates more revenue than NFL, NBA and MLB COMBINED. Somebody is buying it. For the record, I don’t buy it. They will not get one penny from me.

But yes internet porn is the incredibly awkward 800 lb gorilla no one wants to talk about.
Except you will see advertisers make a subliminal mockery of it in GEICO commericals, etc.

It is possible maybe my whole vocation is to see if I can stay as pure as possible? With this way our country is headed maybe one day I will end up dying for the faith.

I will say one thing, I take comfort in praying Psalm 51. I have the psalm 51 responsorial in Magnificat from Ash Wednesday memorized.

Everything again boils down to identity, trying to figure out what does God will? Where do I go from here?

I agree I need to go on a retreat. I am hoping I get a chance to do that somewhere this fall.


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