Military wives...got some questions


#1

My husband just announced that he was thinking about joining the army. He says that he will get an education and get to do things that he can’t right now (our lives are pretty routine at the moment). I’d rather he stayed with me. I know it seems selfish but I don’t want to lose him. He’s not joining because he’s patriotic, and that is the only reason why I think someone should join.

How did you deal with this with your husbands? Would it be wrong for me to try and change his mind?

Thanks


#2

**I think you both need to gets tons of info and really communicate before making a decision one way or the other…

My personal opinion is that married couples should make all decisions together. You shouldn’t be able to arbitrarily say no and he shouldn’t just go off and do it without knowing you are ok with it.


With that being said, it takes a certain type of woman to be a military wife. I am a Canadian military wife and I find it hard…I can’t imagine being the wife of a US military man!!! I know I don’t have it in me…


**I don’t know what kind of person you are…you may handle it just fine, or you may crumble. This is not a decision to be made lightly. You both need to find out all you can about the job and lifestyle before making any decisions. **


I had a bunch more advice but my brain just decided to release it into the atmosphere, so I guess I’m done for now, lol…silly pregnancy hormones…


Malia


#3

You should deal with this in a way that illustrates to him what a drastic life choice this really is and how it is very far from the type of life you thought you would have.

** For example, if he always knew that you would be a SAHM but then, out of the blue, you came up with this huge plan to go to college and be a doctor and he would have to be a stay at home dad to 10 kids… doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work, but tell him to think of the shock and how he would need time to process the info and see if it is something he could live with…**


As for your second question, no, don’t try to change his mind…try to explain how you feel and why.


Malia


#4

Military life isn’t for everyone. There has to be a strong marriage foundation. It is so much easier to marry into the faith, I think, because you kind of understand what “life” will be like.

I personally love the military lifestyle - even if my hubby is deployed. Like any job, it has its ups and downs. Typically if you live in a military community, when a deployment begins, all the soldiers leave too, so everyone is in the same boat at you. I have found that if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, Army life is great. Everyone seems to be a stay-at-home mom. there are many homeschoolers, if that is your family’s cup of tea. Spouse careers can be difficult, depending upon the job you are looking for. It is a great way for education. The military even has it’s own university. I know many a people who have earned their BS/BA and MS/MA through military opportunities while still in the military. And with long distance learning, the opportunites are endless. However, the job is quite risky - but so is a firefighter, policeman, FBI, and convenient store worker.

I can’t say for him to join or not join. For our family it works. This is something you both really need to sit down and discuss - including your hesitations.

Feel free to PM me if you’d like :slight_smile:


#5

I have to echo everyone else. Military marriages that work are incredibly strong but I have seen many that didn’t work out. I don’t want to scare you, but there is a lot to consider. Military life has been difficult for us, but has also afforded both of us to get a college degree. He started out as enlisted ( I was on active duty most of that time as well, then worked while he finished school). He went green to gold and now I have the opportunity to be a sahm. We also had a daughter with severe medical and developmental issues and I can not imagine how we would have managed without Tricare. We are also on our 3rd long term separation (he’s in Iraq right now). So there is some good, some bad. I would suggest that you and your husband talk to a lot of people about how your husband can make the best decisions if he does decide to go in, i.e. specific jobs to ask for and if he has any college about rank issues. I don’t want to talk bad about recruiters but if they ask your husband if he likes to go camping :rolleyes: , maybe not a good sign. Has he considered all branches of service? I think AF might be easier on the family than army or navy. Also, AF would mean training in San Antonio, TX (which I love) but so would army medical. So there is a lot to look into. You can certainly pm me as well.
PS It may have come across that I don’t like military, but I actually think it was the best thing I ever did and it works for my family. :wink:


#6

We love it. But the main thing to understand is that you can’t control your husbands life. That is something that many spouses find difficult. If he’s home late, not his falt. If the weekend plans are cancelled, not his fault.

The benefits are great, though.


#7

It takes alot of prayer, from both of you. There is a previous post that when a solider deploys, there goes the unit. I have to beg to differ (and not negatively). My husband is currently deployed as an individual augmentee… so I have no FRG to help me out as the Team he’s assigned to here, is doing their own thing. Essentially, I’m on my own. I’m 3000 miles away from any family (that I get along with), we are 40 miles from the nearest town so I can’t join groups in the local community, and to travel anywhere requires such severe logistics planning, it’ll have your head spinning. I have three kids, 6, 3 and 9 months…

HOWEVER… it’s easy to adapt and overcome if you have a “can do” attitude and mentality. I’ve seen many marriages suffer or collapse because one member wants to constantly complain about one thing or another about military life. Seek friends, seek the Church community, seek school friends, etc. (Seek and ye shall find)

The military WILL provide an opportunity for travel, for schooling/education, medical/dental benefits for the family, job security, housing.

There are alot of people that join strictly for the school/education benefits. That doesn’t mean they aren’t patriotic. But if that’s what will help you get to/through school, then by all means, join.

Go to www.militaryonesource.com. They’ve got alot of answers to provide. Then branch out to the individual military forces websites for more detailed information. Make an informed decision and don’t base it all off emotion. If you have a question about a recruiter… ask on these boards for a member of that branch of service to ask them.

The military life isn’t for everyone. Think it through with prayer and if you have questions, ask! :slight_smile:
Theresa


#8

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