mind is racing

I have had this question on my mind awhile, with no place to ask it.

possible trigger

How does the church view rape?

When I was a young girl I lost the choice in my virginity, and became hateful. When I was 17 I had my first boyfriend and figured if I wasn’t a virgin God didn’t care what I did. I had him when I was 17. After ending what turned into an abusive relationship I met my now fiancé. He was raised Catholic and supported me in wanting to convert. (had wanted to since I was 12, but my wiccan mother forbid it). Knowing I was ill with pregnancy we conceived early and now have a 3m old. I told myself it was okay since that was the only time we have lied together. Since we were engaged months before hand. In my heart I now this was not right. I am not ashamed of my past, I believe God put me through everything for a reason. I would never have met Zachary, nor had my two boys. Yet alone began my walk in the faith.

Right now when new people ask my age(19) and marital status there is always an awkward pause, or look of confusion. I don’t know how to explain this. Had I the choice I would still be a virgin. Had I the choice, I wouldn’t be where I am now. I feel like I have committed all these sins, yet I am not ashamed of them. does this make sense?

Hi Rose,
I hate to hear of your terrible trials during your youth. But out of all that you wrote, the most important thing is that you are on your walk of faith. Your sins can be forgiven, just like mine through the sacrament of confession. We cannot change our past, but we CAN shape our future with God’s help.

Consider telling people who ask your marital status in the church [other than a Priest] that your marital status is a complicated story, or “Right now I am single.” You don’t have to share any information you that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Go forward, stay focused, seek help when and where you need it.


Hon, the rape was absolutely not your fault; it does not make you “hateful.”

You don’t mention, have you had any counselling? If not, I strongly urge you to get some. Aside from the physical trauma, rape is also a psychological trauma, and leaves psychological effects. In addition to a counselor, I would urge you to speak with a priest. Make an appointment so he’ll be sure to have plenty of time. He can guide you through what needs to be confessed.

I take it you and your fiance aren’t married yet? So when someone asks your marital status – if it’s any of their business – just say you’re engaged. The circumstances of your childrens’ conceptions isn’t anyone’s business, aside from your family (maybe), your fiance and your priest.

Well stated.

You do not have to explain your marital status to anyone. Just tell them you are engaged and leave it at that. When you are fully received into the Church, you will have the opportunity to go to confession and receive absolution for all of your past sins; it will be a glorious, liberating experience and you will feel like you are starting your life over. You should look into rape counseling, there are many, many others who have gone through the same horrible, terrifying ordeal of rape, you are not alone and you can overcome it with the advice and guidance of the right therapist. You are still young and you have a wonderful life a head of you, leave it up to the Holy Spirit!

Repenting of sin does not mean wishing the consequences of the sin had never occurred. Nor does it imply being ashamed of the sin.

All it means is turning away from sin, and fully intending not to do it again. It means looking to Jesus for your life, not to sin.

Hi Melanie,

I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties. I personally believe you should speak with a priest, and I will not try to advise you on what to do because your situation is really beyond what I ought to give advice on.

I do want you to know one thing, though. The title that the Church calls a virgin who has been raped is: a virgin. I wonder if it may help the way you see things to know that virginity remains intact until an individual has made a choice to or wishes to make the choice to have sex. The vile act that happened to you did not take away your virginity.

God bless you on your journey, you are so much the same as us-- we are all in this boat together. Persevere in Christ, remain in His Church!

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