Miscarriage and the unknown


#1

Fist of all I would like to say how I enjoy this forum. I really do not post, but I enjoy reading threads. If this is not an appropriate post please except my apologies, and I am more then willing to remove it.

Last Monday my wife and I were at her OB for a visit. We were expecting our 4th. My wife is almost 10 weeks along, and when they did a vaginal ultrasound the doctor could not find the babys heartbeat. He is a very good doctor and very thorough. We all cried, and he shared our options.

He said my wife could try and do things naturally. She could have some complications due to the fact that this is not an early miscarriage. He said she could have a D&C, but he would have to refer her to a doctor at the hospital.

My wife would like to do this naturally, and is really not sold on the D&C method. She is concerned about scar tissue, and has other concerns morally about this method that really aren’t important for this post.

We have an appointment Monday for a follow up ultra sound, and to discuss things in more detail. I guess my question is from this point how long should we expect to wait until the next stages start happening? Does it take a few weeks? I know the doctor said he could provide a pill that may or may not help things along.

Thanks


#2

Prayers for both of you brother. We went through this 12 years ago. Your wife is very lucky to have a husband that has this much concern.


#3

You are asking medical questions, and we cannot give medical advice.

When you meet with your wife's doctor next week, come with a written list of questions, and don't leave until you get them all answered. Make sure you and your wife both understand everything.

Ask the doctor for pros and cons of each option you have, and what he recommends and why.

Make sure you and your wife take time to think about it and discuss it before you make a decision.

God Bless.


#4

[quote="kbpipes, post:1, topic:234474"]
Fist of all I would like to say how I enjoy this forum. I really do not post, but I enjoy reading threads. If this is not an appropriate post please except my apologies, and I am more then willing to remove it.

Last Monday my wife and I were at her OB for a visit. We were expecting our 4th. My wife is almost 10 weeks along, and when they did a vaginal ultrasound the doctor could not find the babys heartbeat. He is a very good doctor and very thorough. We all cried, and he shared our options.

He said my wife could try and do things naturally. She could have some complications due to the fact that this is not an early miscarriage. He said she could have a D&C, but he would have to refer her to a doctor at the hospital.

My wife would like to do this naturally, and is really not sold on the D&C method. She is concerned about scar tissue, and has other concerns morally about this method that really aren’t important for this post.

We have an appointment Monday for a follow up ultra sound, and to discuss things in more detail. I guess my question is from this point how long should we expect to wait until the next stages start happening? Does it take a few weeks? I know the doctor said he could provide a pill that may or may not help things along.

Thanks

[/quote]

Have you been informed that the longer the dead fetus is in the womb the greater the chance of infection?.DCs as far as I know do not leave scar tissue and are often the safest measure as some times letting nature take it's course can leave residue that can lead to infection .Mother nature is wonderful but sometimes cruel.My friend suffered the same with a six month fetus and she tried to let it take its course and almost died of the infection when the baby did deliver.she was awake through the whole labour and it left her terribly traumatized physically and mentally.


#5

I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug1: :crossrc:

If the doctor is absolutely certain the baby is gone, then morally speaking there is nothing wrong with having a D&C. You need to speak with him about the specific medical implications for your wife based on her specific health history.

There's a thread near the top of the parenting section called "Mommies of Little Saints." It's somewhat of a support group for parents who have lost little ones. I'm sure people who regularly read/post there might be able to give you some anecdotal information. (My miscarriage was very early and occurred on its own, so I'm not much help.)


#6

Dear Kbpipes,

I'm very sorry for you and your wife's loss.

I signed up just now so I could try to let you know what your wife can expect. I felt I had to share this with you because when I went through my miscarriage I had no idea what to expect.

My ultrasound at 6 weeks showed no heartbeat. The doctor said because of my fibroids that could be the reason he was not detecting the heartbeat. (I think he just didn't want to break the bad news to us, but I really believed everything was going to be ok) My husband and I began to pray and hoped that the next visit the dr. would see the heartbeat.

A long story short; I was 11 weeks when the miscarriage started. I started to spot, that lasted about a day. Bleeding became heavier next day. My dr. said I could stay home through the miscarriage. Your wife can either go to the hospital or stay home, it is her choice.

She will bleed like she has never bleed before. She will cramp in her lower back and stomach and it is painful. It will feel like early labor pains. Tell her not to be afraid, just be prepared and to pray. Please go to vitamin shop or some other vitamin retailer and purchase chlorophyll. Also get plenty of orange juice. She should mix the choloraphyll and juice together and drink it through out the miscarriage. This will keep her iron levels up with all the blood loss. (Chlorophyll isn't the best tasting but really will help with the blood loss, take at least 1/4 cup chlorophyll per day during heavy bleeding. Brand: De souzas is best tasting)

On the second or third day of this, she will pass your precious baby. You will not see anything other then a little round sac. She will pass a lot of blood clots, but the sac holding your baby will be different. Once she actually passes your precious baby, the cramping stops and the bleeding calms down a little. Please, maybe talk to your priest, research now, and pray about what you will do with your baby once your wife passes the sac.

All of this can be done at home. She will miscarry naturally, our bodies know what to do.
But, if your wife feels more comfortable being at a hospital during this than that is what she should do. The dr. will tell you if the bleeding gets too bad to go to the hospital. You can always take her to the hospital at any time during the miscarriage. Just know the bleeding will be extremely heavy.

That is a summary of the physical part, the emotional part is the hardest. My family will keep your family in our prayers. Again, I am very sorry for your loss and I know the Blessed Mother will be right at your wife's side.

I had two children before my miscarriage and one after. Everything is going to be ok. I don't know if you have seen Mother Angelica's old shows on EWTN, but on one of her shows she was talking to someone who had a stillborn baby and Mother Angelica told her that miscarried and stillborn babies are in heaven being great advocates for us. I believe that, and I talk to my little one, asking him or her to whisper in Jesus' ear for certain intentions for our family.

Take care. I pray God keeps you and your wife in His hands during this very difficult time in your lives.


#7

Just wanted to say something about my last post.

I think I made the pain sound more painful than it is. I don’t want your wife thinking she is going to be in bad pain.

The pain is back cramping and uterus cramping, it is not severe pain, just a cramping pain like very early labor. Uncomfortable, but very manageable.

God bless!


#8

Something very similar happened to my daughter last month. At 10 weeks (her first ultrasound) the tech could not find a heartbeat or any movement in the fetus. After getting over the shock (and horror, it was her first pregnacy) she decided on the pill (it was to be inserted, not swallowed). After several hours she expirenced pain, similar to labor pain, that lasted several more hours; it was a very long night. Afterward she had bleeding for a couple of weeks and a few follow up appointments and blood tests to make sure that the hormone levels dropped back down to normal. They finally did and now she back on her regular cycle. I am very sorry for your loss, now you have a little one waiting to meet you in heaven.


#9

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, comments, and prayers. My wife decided to schedule a D&C. Mainly for a few reasons. First reason is we have no family in the area, and her mother is in town. She can look after her while I am at work. Second we have 3 children at home. Spanning from 12 to 1 year old. She feels (and I agree) this method might be the least traumatic for all of them. Third reason the hospital is working with a funeral home. As little as the remains are she would like to have the baby cremated.

Our doctor and staff are nothing but amazing, and have taken the entire load off of us. They are so helpful. I will be forever thankful for them, and all that they have done for us.

Pax


#10

[quote="kbpipes, post:9, topic:234474"]
Thank you everyone for your thoughts, comments, and prayers. My wife decided to schedule a D&C. Mainly for a few reasons. First reason is we have no family in the area, and her mother is in town. She can look after her while I am at work. Second we have 3 children at home. Spanning from 12 to 1 year old. She feels (and I agree) this method might be the least traumatic for all of them. Third reason the hospital is working with a funeral home. As little as the remains are she would like to have the baby cremated.

Our doctor and staff are nothing but amazing, and have taken the entire load off of us. They are so helpful. I will be forever thankful for them, and all that they have done for us.

Pax

[/quote]

I have had several miscarriages and I think the D&C is a good choice for all the reasons you stated. It's not painful (physically) and it was comforting for me to know that everything was over and done with and I could get on with the emotional healing I needed to do.

A miscarriage is so hard. In the next several weeks your dear wife may be happy one minute, sad the next.. really - I was always all over the place. My husband could never say or do the right thing. It wasn't him - it was me. Please give her time and lots of understanding.

I am so very sorry for your loss. ((hug)) to you both.


#11

I pray your little angel in Heaven will help you to be there with him someday where you can all be a family with Jesus forever.


#12

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