In September, I delivered our dead son at 16 weeks gestation. We were blessed with many wonderful Catholic and Protestant friends, and our priest also was a strong source of support. We had a lovely funeral for him.
My problem is how to deal with my husband’s non-Christian secular parents (mine are dead). When we called to ask them to help watch our three living children so I could go to the hospital, they told us they were “busy.” My husband let it go but I was furious when I heard. When my husband asked if they intended to come to our son’s funeral a week later, they said that they were no longer busy and could make it. I HATED having them there, because the moment the funeral was over, they were noticably thrilled. Even our priest and deacon said later that they found their “celebratory” mood inappropriate and surreal. My father in law was asking everyone if they’d like to go out for lunch and have some wine right after the funeral!!
In the past four months, I have been emotionally blundgeoned by these people, who find every excuse in the world to share details of their only daughter’s first pregnancy with me. The daughter and I were initially due just three weeks apart, so every time there is an announcement about her pregnancy, it is like a knife to my heart. My mother in law actually visited two months after our son died with her daughter and repeatedly rubbed her belly in front of me and asked if we all wanted to read her online pregnancy report about how far along the baby was that week. I finally snapped when she told me she was going to e-mail me pictures of her daughter’s profile!! I told her to please stop sharing this info with me, because it hurts. She seemed surprised. Within a few days, she was beginning conversations with “I know you said it hurts you to hear about XX’s pregnancy, but…(insert lengthy detail here about pregnancy).” My only defense has been to ignore her calls.
I am now 2 weeks from my due date and crying almost every day in secret. I am angry at my husband for not protecting me more from his parents. I’m angry that he did not object to them not helping us during the delivery. I’m angry that these selfish, insensitive people should be so loved by our three older children and it kills me to hear them talk so lovingly about their grandparents.
I can only ask for prayers, because I know that and time are all that will help me. If someone can please pray for Dawn in VA, I would appreciate it.