I’m a baptized Christian currently attending RCIA, looking to come into the Church at Easter. I’ve been attending Mass for a few months now. I come from an Evangelical background.
I’m increasingly growing to love it all and I’m beginning to realize what I’ve been missing for so long, and how incomplete Protestantism truly is.
Before I started coming to Mass, I had stopped going to my old church for a few months because I didn’t agree with much that was being preached (I was beginning to accept the Catholic view, though I didn’t recognize that at the time). I think I sort of figured I would end up returning at some point, and when I “left”, it wasn’t really an actual leaving, as much as I just didn’t go anymore. I drifted off, barely no one has noticed, and if they did, they definitely haven’t said anything. My husband and I knew one of the ministers there pretty well because he gave us pre-marital counseling and married us, but other than that, we didn’t have a lot of close relationships, and definitely nothing outside of church. In any case… no real closure.
Now I’m not intending on returning, and I suppose I’m mourning it. I miss it so badly. I miss the singing and the interaction with everyone, actually more the singing/music more than anything. I admittedly miss the feeling of closeness to God that came with it, and kind of feel like I’ve abandoned Him. I think I’ve equated this particular environment with God for so long it’s hard to separate the two. (It’s really all I’ve ever known. I was raised Baptist and have attended Non-Denominational churches since. Liturgy is foreign to me.)
I do recognize that this is mostly emotional and it doesn’t really have anything to do with whether or not I’ll ultimately convert, but, it’s intense, nonetheless.
I think that when I get to participate in the Sacraments, that will help alleviate some of this, and time and RCIA will change things. But, I was wondering if anyone knew of any ways to help combat these current overwhelming emotions and … I guess a sort of loneliness… while I’m waiting?
…and if anyone has talked about anything like this before, maybe point me in the right direction?
(ack, I’m long-winded!)