[quote="DebChris, post:7, topic:330925"]
While growing up, I thought I would be a nun. What held me back was were the first vows of poverty and obedience. I was never sure I could make those vows. I never worried about making the vow of celibacy.
I was also considering religious life for the wrong reason. As time passed, I married.
Years and circumstances changed. A friend told me that if I had ever entered a convent, even for the wrong reason, were I truly called, I would have been been given the right reason.
More years passed. The nun thought crossed my mind with the right reason. I already had abetter understanding of poverty and obedience.
I have done the research. I have looked at different communities, both when young and later.What I never did was follow through..
You state that you married and that "circumstances changed" and I am not too sure what that means.
Are you able to consider a "follow through" now? It is not unusual at all for a person to have more than one vocation in the course of their overall journey in life. Nowadays, unlike pre V2, one has the opportunity to ask many questions of a community, to correspond, visit and if the community agrees go on a 'live-in' prior to actually entering a community formally if the leadership of a community agrees.
Certainly many years down the line and under private vows, I have a better understanding of the vows now and in their positive aspect rather than the negative. However, understanding the vows and even having right motivation is still not indicative of a religious vocation although coming close. A religious vocation can not be said to exist until one is accepted into the life by a community and this final acceptance does not occur until final or life vows. Until life vows, one is still on a journey of discernment, as is the community. There are levels of commitment until final vows but nothing final until life vows.
Not unusual for religious life to be romanticized (not saying that you do however) and religious life in many communities and religious orders do present themselves in such a way as to trigger discerners romanticizing the life. Entirely different to actually enter religious life and live it out in reality in community - and then to stay all the way to final vows. Although some do find religious life a heaven on earth as it were - others have to travel the hard yards often doing it hard. No way of telling really until one actually enters the life. St Therese, for example, experienced religious life in Carmel as all she hoped it would be, despite the fact that it presented her with challenges and difficulties and for Therese, it was in a special way for one the fact that she felt the cold in Carmel dreadfully. Therese truly had a vocation to Carmel and so the cold she experienced was a real difficulty, trial and cross she was prepared to endure in order to remain in Carmel and live out her call. This was the Grace of vocation alive and effective in her for when The Lord calls and invites, He guarantees all the Graces necessary all the way to salvation and holiness - and no matter His particular call.