Missed Vocation


#1

How do you know if you have missed your vocation?

For a little while, I was confused whether I was called to marriage or consecrated virginity, but I feel very confident, after much prayer and speaking with spiritual directors, that I am probably called to marriage.

However, I am very concerned that I may have missed that vocation. There are a few reasons I feel this way but mostly, it just isn't happening. The reality is that because of SIN many will NOT marry, even if it is their calling. There simply aren't enough good solid faithful Catholic men and women to go around (through abortion, porn addiction, pre-marital sex, contraception, protracted male adolescence, etc). It's simply a numbers issue. I want to believe that I'll be one of the lucky ones who is able to beat the odds, but due to a variety of factors the statistics are against me.

I pray everyday that God will help me to be at peace so that I am comfortable with whatever happens to me in this life. I am already considering adoption in the next several years. My questions is, how does one deal with a missed vocation?


#2

Also, would like to add I have pursued God HARD for the last year about this issue. I have prayed several novenas, rosaries, etc. I requested a mass for my vocation. I have been very prayerful about this to no avail (at least that can see). I know He is still faithful and I will yet trust in Him.


#3

[quote="GraceUnderFire, post:1, topic:324770"]
I am already considering adoption in the next several years. My questions is, how does one deal with a missed vocation?

[/quote]

Do you mean that you want to adopt as a single woman or you're hoping to get married first?


#4

[quote="Phaedra777, post:3, topic:324770"]
Do you mean that you want to adopt as a single woman or you're hoping to get married first?

[/quote]

I meant adopt as a single woman if marriage does not happen for me.


#5

[quote="GraceUnderFire, post:1, topic:324770"]
It's simply a numbers issue. I want to believe that I'll be one of the lucky ones who is able to beat the odds, but due to a variety of factors the statistics are against me.

[/quote]

I constantly see advertisements for Catholic singles--- men and women seeking a spouse. Why not explore some of those avenues? Obviously there are women looking for a husband, and men looking for a wife on these sites, so...


#6

[quote="GraceUnderFire, post:4, topic:324770"]
I meant adopt as a single woman if marriage does not happen for me.

[/quote]

What type of child would you hope to adopt? For instance--newborn, infant, toddler, older, etc..?


#7

[quote="GraceUnderFire, post:4, topic:324770"]
I meant adopt as a single woman if marriage does not happen for me.

[/quote]

The best setting for an adoptive child to give the child a mother and a father. Thus I would think the vocation of marriage should be pursued before adopting a child..


#8

When it comes to vocation, I believe you have to pray about it but you also need to go out into the world and try some things out (within the teaching of the Catholic teachings I might also add.) Sometimes one just has to throw the cards out and see what happens. I don't think there is such thing as a missed vocation. Vocation is like taking the bus, sometimes if you miss one bus, you simply take the next one and see what happens next. I suggest that you join a couple of good online dating websites, see what happens with that. As you go down that avenue, you can also investigate the religious area. You can visit some places, join them for their weekends go and see. As you venture down the two highways, God will tell you which way is the best road for you. Things will feel spiritually right and wrong. It is important throughout the journey to find a spiritual director who will help you determine how the spirit is leading.


#9

[quote="Gabriel_Serafin, post:7, topic:324770"]
The best setting for an adoptive child to give the child a mother and a father. Thus I would think the vocation of marriage should be pursued before adopting a child..

[/quote]

I absolutely agree. That should always be the ideal. However, with the countless children who are in our foster care system, I think if marriage doesn't materialize for a faithful single Catholic, they should still be encouraged to adopt if they choose.


#10

[quote="Gabriel_Serafin, post:7, topic:324770"]
The best setting for an adoptive child to give the child a mother and a father. Thus I would think the vocation of marriage should be pursued before adopting a child..

[/quote]

Very much agree! That's why I asked the question I did.


#11

This thread isn't meant to be about single-parent adoption, but I STRONGLY disagree that a single woman shouldn't adopt. In fact, it's down right insulting. I would argue that a child with no family is better off with a devout chaste single Catholic woman than being left in the foster care system with no one or God-forbid homosexuals. If you have a reference in the catechism discouraging single-parent adoption, I would like to see it.

What I AM against is a single-woman going to the sperm bank to become inseminated to have a child. Thank you for your opinions, but this thread is not really about that. Pax.


#12

[quote="SecretGarden, post:8, topic:324770"]
When it comes to vocation, I believe you have to pray about it but you also need to go out into the world and try some things out (within the teaching of the Catholic teachings I might also add.) Sometimes one just has to throw the cards out and see what happens. I don't think there is such thing as a missed vocation. Vocation is like taking the bus, sometimes if you miss one bus, you simply take the next one and see what happens next. I suggest that you join a couple of good online dating websites, see what happens with that. As you go down that avenue, you can also investigate the religious area. You can visit some places, join them for their weekends go and see. As you venture down the two highways, God will tell you which way is the best road for you. Things will feel spiritually right and wrong. It is important throughout the journey to find a spiritual director who will help you determine how the spirit is leading.

[/quote]

I kind of disagree with your interpretation of a vocation being like a bus. I think our vocation is ordered by God and we have the choice to choose or reject it. I think many of us miss out true vocation because we do not seek God and ask Him for His guidance and blessing. That being said, I am "out there" in terms of going to church, going to places where I have an interest, online dating, etc. It is very disheartening to see that there are so few men who truly value church teaching especially on chastity and contraception. I don't think my standards are impossible (they are certainly no more than what God REQUIRES of us) but there is a lack of willingness to even try to live up to God's standard. It's a very sad and discouraging world out there for singles and even worse if you are devout.


#13

If your vocation is to marriage, then God will bring you the right person at the right time. Personally, maybe a dating site is okay, but otherwise, if you are looking for a devout husband-to-be, then I would think the singles group at your parish (or another parish) would be the most likely place to find someone who is like-minded. Or someone you serve with in whatever ministry you are involved in. I suppose it depends on where you are looking. And just because you have a vocation to marriage doesn't mean God's going to bring that person into your life as soon as you know that's your vocation. This time you are going through he is preparing you to be that spouse your mate will need you to be. For one thing, any time we are forced to wait, we learn patience. Which is a must if you are going to be a parent. As far as adoption goes...I find it a little odd that you have a vocation to marriage but also have a back-up plan in case it doesn't happen within some pre-arranged time frame you have. If that sounds snarky, I don't mean for it too, I'm just struggling with how best to express the thought.

My point is, you feel you have a vocation to marriage. Since you have a vocation to marriage, you can rest secure in the knowledge that God will bring the right person into your life at his perfect time. You don't need a "plan B". (adoption) If God can create the universe, sending you the right spouse at the right time is a piece of cake.:thumbsup:
Kris


#14

[quote="klm120861, post:13, topic:324770"]
I find it a little odd that you have a vocation to marriage but also have a back-up plan in case it doesn't happen within some pre-arranged time frame you have. If that sounds snarky, I don't mean for it too, I'm just struggling with how best to express the thought.

My point is, you feel you have a vocation to marriage. Since you have a vocation to marriage, you can rest secure in the knowledge that God will bring the right person into your life at his perfect time. You don't need a "plan B". (adoption) If God can create the universe, sending you the right spouse at the right time is a piece of cake.:thumbsup:
Kris

[/quote]

It's not really odd at all since I said that I was afraid that I missed my vocation. A lot of women have a vocation to marriage but the marriageable men aren't there. Vice versa for the men. It's not really a "plan B" so much as a "well, this is what I have--how can I make the best of it." Anyway, I hope I don't sound snarky. LOL. Thanks for your encouragement.


#15

I would strongly advise talking to a priest about this. Sometimes, a missed vocation may even require restitution, but before we even go that road, (1) find a priest you trust and (2) it's been my understanding that simply having a appreciation for the numbers isn't enough.
You have to be called.


#16

[quote="SuperLuigi, post:15, topic:324770"]
I would strongly advise talking to a priest about this. Sometimes, a missed vocation may even require restitution, but before we even go that road, (1) find a priest you trust and (2) it's been my understanding that simply having a appreciation for the numbers isn't enough.
You have to be called.

[/quote]

Restitution? I'd be curious to know what you mean by that?
God does not force anyone to become a Priest, Nun, or Married, etc. Even if you have all the gifts and talents to be, for instance, a priest, God does not force it and if you choose not to go down the road, but live a devout, faith-filled life...I do not believe that God would be unpleased.

In other words, you have the right to say no!


#17

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