I asked this on "Ask an Apologist", but didn't get a reply. I understand they're swamped so I thought I would ask here.
I have many physical disabilities including a bad back, arthritis, oxygen dependance and a lot of other stuff that makes me hurt. I also have bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder and, even through I am under treatment, my normal mood is pretty depressed and I am very uncomfortable in crowds.
The problem comes in attending mass. All week I am excited it's coming and want to go, but then when the morning gets here and I am in pain and start thinking about taking a bath, shaving, and getting dressed and then going to sit in a crowd the whole thing seems overwhelming. My psychiatrist and psychologist both say the symptom of feeling day to day tasks are indeed too big to tackle is from the depression. Now the thing is sometimes after I have been up a good long while and take my pain killers and psych meds. I do feel like going and this is usually through the week. There is a large parish near me that has daily mass at noon and there is room to spread out so it doesn't feel so dense and I am comfortable during the week when it isn't well attended. There is also a large Catholic "center", for lack of a better word, that has services through the week at like 7:00pm some days that I can sometimes get to. The thing is I never go because I am afraid missing mass Sunday was mortal sin and I couldn't take communion. Do you think what I have described would be sinful or could I take communion through the week if it does feel like just too much on the weekend? I really feel like I am drifting away not being able to go or partake of the Lord. Sometimes it's months before I can go on a Sunday.
I am sorry if this sounds silly. I can't judge myself as I tend to scrupulosity. I am going down to The Cathedral Monday or Tuesday for confession in case I can muster up the courage to go Ash Wednesday. I do have sins to confess that I know I must before I receive. :blush: