Before my marriage, I went to church every Sunday because it was what I was brought up to do and, eventually as my relationship grew deeper with God, felt called to do. Unfortunately, I have not been attending regularly for two main reasons:
It is increasingly difficult to juggle to small children (6 months and 2 years) who are loud and unmanageable in the “crying room” of my church. I get rude looks and comments sometimes and end up having to leave 15-20 minutes into Mass. I can’t concentrate on the Mass because I am tending to them, chasing the 2 year old, etc. My husband does not attend Church with me because he does not respect Catholicism, even though I thought he did before we got married.
Because my marriage is failing, and we are seeking counseling (myself with a priest as well), I am hurt that God brought me to this marriage which is too painful for me. He won’t have sex with me (except for procreation) and there is no affection. I saved myself for marriage because I thought that was what God wanted and now I am in an affection-starved marriage.
I guess my question is this: Is it unrealistic to have these feelings that are leading me to miss Mass? I don’t want to sin, but when I am there with the kids, I’m not really “there” and I’m bitter and hurt as well. I’d appreciate any input.