Modern dating and lust


#1

I became Catholic in the past year and recently have been very lonely. I pray every single day, read the bible and try to say the rosary as much as I can but I know I’m ready for a relationship.

Before I became Catholic I had premarital sex, which I know the Lord has forgiven but now that I’m searching for a soulmate I’m finding it hard not to give into this temptation.

It’s so hard to find someone who doesn’t mind waiting for sex or anything sexual at all. Even talking about sex with a man makes me feel so guilty and I end up in tears and praying for forgiveness.

I don’t know if this even makes sense but I’m just struggling if anyone has any advice x


#2

That is a very difficult thing, especially in today’s world where premarital sex is so celebrated.
If you have a priest that you feel comfortable with try confession on a regular basis. Are there any catholic groups you could join to try to connect with a man who shares similar beliefs as you?


#3

I haven’t been to confession yet as I’m too anxious. I know I’d be fine once I done it but our parish is small and the priest would know it was me since I’d have to admit to it being my first confession. What would I say? How would I word it? It’s so confusing.

I’m not aware of any groups but I’m definitely going to see if there’s any.


#4

What do you mean, that you just became Catholic in the past year, were you formally received into the Church, receiving the sacraments of initiation at that time?


#5

I live in a small town with a small parish myself. I have gone to confession other places on occasion which you could try, maybe a priest you don’t know?
Just be honest, find a good examination of conscience just confess what needs confessed. I won’t lie to you I have had confessions that I’ve sweated through, cried in and avoided until the very last possible minute. But man can I tell you, the power of forgiveness through confession Greatly outweighed any fear anxiety or discomfort I had about the confession itself.


#6

You shouldn’t, certainly wanting that sort of intimacy is no crime. It sounds to me like you made a commitment to chastity outside marriage without fully understanding the emotional impact it would have on you. You are certainly not the first person to do so if I am on the right track. I can support you trying to avoid premarital sex, but do you really believe in the potential fruits of the cause? There’s a real issue if you are simply looking at this as some sort of commandment. Not stealing is one thing, holding on to you heart while awaiting marriage is another. You need to find some purpose in what you are doing. Otherwise this thing might break your will in trying to follow through with it. I also think if you can find some purpose in avoiding premarital sex, it might be easier to find the man you are looking for because you know yourself better.


#7

Welcome to the club.

It gets better cause of hindsight.

The world still makes it very difficult.


#8

OP, I understand, I truly do. I think about half of us (if not more) suffer through this. My theory is that we humans need affection (of course :blush:) and “touch” is the “easiest” form of getting this affection. And a lot of us “confuse” this need for affection with sex. (I am not including hormonal change here, just everyday need of affection)

So…the way I have gone around this need for affection (that I used to confuse with need for sex) is, finding friends I can hug. :blush: Now I tend to hug everyone as a form of greeting, and it reeeaaalllly helps. :wink: (I also live in a country where touch is acceptable, so I can do this without fear of rejection. Careful if you live in Asia - or somewhere similar - where a lot of countries do not think that hugging people is acceptable.)


#9

Sweetheart,
Look at yourself as a treasure. You are a Princess. Your value is worth, their waiting. LUST feels good. It feels like, you’ve fallen in love. Think on this! If the chemical reaction of LUST occurs in all things. How do you know what Love is? Keep saying NO to the guys and yourself. Those who are shallow and want a sex toy, will leave. The one who stays while chaste, is probably the one who loves you. Still do background checks on all! It’s a tough world now. In church! out of church! Who is this man?
There are Princes… I don’t know about dating sites. Match.com wasn’t too good. All guys have fun w kayaking. Movies, etc. you can have kids or want kids. But their activities are busy. Plus, they don’t care about religion, smoking & drinking! Looking for great Moms, huh. Some of it is, they don’t fill the forms out, & the company puts answers in. I was casing it out for my 34 yo daughter. GROAN!
Go live life fully! Being busy doing things will put guys in your path. Try & find a Catholic. It makes things simpler. You are not a Sex toy! You are a Spiritual Virgin now. Means you are forgiven for past sins. You are a New Creation in Christ.=Spiritual Virgin. Keep pure now! Catholic dating site??
Lord, guide her path. Give her wisdom. Keep her feeling cherished by You . Help her find her soulmate.
Jeremiah 29/11. Ephesians 3: 14-21.
In Jesus name
Amen


#10

Oh, I have felt so starved of affection before and have gone about all the wrong ways of getting it. Having some friends that I can confide in now has gone a long way. Bro hugs are nice. I experience same sex attraction but also have feelings towards women. I think a lot of people end up feeling lonely and they turn to touch for that. There may not be anything objectively wrong with cuddling with someone for example. However, it can lead to sexual acts so one needs to be mindful of that. Sleeping together before marriage would be wrong, even if nothing sexual was performed. Then again, I think some people can control urges more than others. I feel like if that was me and it’s with someone I care about deeply I may get lost in passion.

There’s a real need for affection, love, and belonging. We are social creatures, it’s just you need to satisfy this need in a healthy way. So many people equate intimacy with sex but you can have sex with a stranger you hardly know. I guess I would rather have that emotional/spiritual connection with someone first, probably how it should be anyways. I’m blessed to be around so many Catholics around my age, if you could get involved in some Catholic groups it’ll probably be for the best. I think some people are starting to rub off on me, good idea to surround yourself with good influences. If you have friends who do immoral acts often it’s probably best that you try to distance yourself from them.


#11

This topic was automatically closed 14 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.