I have about a hundred different questions. I took RCIA two years ago, didn’t finish, and now I’m taking it again. It’s going great. I’m praying the rosary and all and I go the Mass every Sunday. My first question is, we’re taught in class that God is everywhere. However, when we visit the chapel, we are told that Jesus’ Presence is specifically in the Tabernacle. Why? That is the only question that doesn’t really bother me that much. I’m sure He’s there.
My next slew of questions is about ego. I’m sure the answers to these questions are in the Bible somewhere, but I’ve not found them yet, so here I will ask them. I am a twenty-one year old girl, conventionally attractive. Although there are worse problems to have, I feel insecure about it, to the point of obsession in fact. I always feel like I’m showing off, even if I’m not trying. But I don’t see a way out of it. If I go to Mass in my favorite sweater with my hair brushed and shiny, I feel like I’m showing off, even if the purpose behind my action of looking nice is to glorify God. It is difficult to help feeling a little proud as I walk inside the church (or is it mere confidence I feel? Am I proud? Is confidence acceptable?). I imagine an alternative, perhaps chopping my hair off, or my “glory,” as the Bible calls it, banishing makeup, even wearing a veil, etc. I think if I did that I would feel even worse, as if I were trying to show people what great sacrifices I am willing to make to please God. I would feel like I am showing off spiritually, like the people in the Bible who pray loudly in public (whom Jesus called hypocrites). I imagine the people reading this thread are judging me now, perhaps thinking that I think that the Mass is about me and my feelings and my point of view. This is the opposite of my intention! I am so obsessed with whether my motive behind the things I do is right that I drive myself crazy.
Which brings me to my next problem. I want desperately to go to the Daily Mass, perhaps several times a week, but I feel if I went even once a week apart from the obligatory Sunday Mass, I would look like I was showing off and being oh so pious and holy and good. I am TRAPPED. Am I being prideful about worrying whether I’m being prideful?!??!?!?
My REASONING behind all these CONFLICTED feelings is that I always think about how Jesus said to pray in private and the reasoning behind that (and also to do your good deeds anonymously, if possible). I like the idea of that very much, keeping it an absolute secret. But the Bible also teaches to never DENY Jesus, so you have to find a happy medium. You don’t want to show off your piousness, but you don’t want to HIDE it either. :shrug: It’s exhausting.
I know I shouldn’t worry so much about these sorts of things, and more about ways I can serve God and others, and I honestly do try to stop thinking about it, but the questions always come back.