Molestation in family past


#1

It has come to the surface that there has been a molestation in the past. Everyone admits to it and no one wants counseling. I am keeping my children away from the molester whether he accepts it or not. End of discussion.
Question is his new wife is non catholic and is at a loss of what to do. Can she leave him? This is is previous family. Is it right for me to protect my children at all costs even if it is his grandchildren? What is the common consensus? Please help me this man has admitted to being an abuser to his former daughter my sister-in-law and now broken this family. Please send me some info.


#2

Going to try to play Fr. Serpa here but I would also suggest you post this on ask an apologist and / or email him directly.

From my understanding, the Church supports the protection of children from abuse at all costs. While the ability to remarry or not would be dependant upon an annulment, a divorce for civil reasons is permitted for protection.

My personal opinion, after being a counselor for abused children, keep them as far away from him as possible. If he eventually agrees to counseling you may consider supervised vists on rare occasions but I would not leave him alone with anyone or put the children in a postion where something could happen… no closed doors.

Finally, keep him in your prayers - he is going to need them as is your sister in law. As more details come out there may be a few mitigating circumstances (like was it a one time thing, under the influence of drugs etc… or was in habitual… those could be the key between someone who made a mistake and can truly get better vs someone who may not… may being the optimal word here, there is always a chance and through HIM all things are possible.)

You are in my prayers!
Joe


#3

the family members who knew about the abuse and did not report are accessories either before or after the fact. if the statute of limitations has not run out in his state he should still be reported. I would keep my children away from him and let everyone in the family know why.


#4

Absolutely, keep your children away from him, or at least from ever being alone with him. Depending on the circumstances of the molestation (like was he an adult when it happend, why did he do it), he falls somewhere on a scale of danerousness. So that would affect my judgement on whether or not they had any contact with him. But I would definitely never have them around him without you being in the same room. If you decide that they shouldn’t have any contact at all with him, that is absolutely OK. I just am not in a position to make that judgement for you. If there is any doubt, always err on the side of caution and protection.

As for the new wife, is she young enough to bear children? If yes, then I’d be very concerned. Because marriage is for procreation, and this man should not have any more children. Even if she is older, I’d guess that she is within her rights to separate from him - not knowing this about him before marriage is a pretty big deception, IMO, and I would be concerned about the potential for other forms of sexual violence. Whether or not she SHOULD leave him is another question, if their being together doesn’t put anyone at risk. Whether or not she could get an annulment is the other question I couldn’t answer.

BTW, you mention she isn’t Catholic. Was their marriage Catholic? If so, I’d recommend she speak to a priest anyway. No priest is going to turn away a non-Catholic with a question about their Catholic marriage.


#5

One thing that came from the abuse scandal is that a molester is never to be trusted again. He must always be regarded as dangerous.


#6

Agreed!!!

Also from past experience you should also guard your children from the people who were molested as it is common that they will also molest. NOT ALWAYS!!! But it will be a good idea to always be present and keep them safe at all costs.

I’m very sorry you are having ot deal with this. Hopefully it is better that it came out so you have the opportunity to protect your kids. You and your family will be in our prayers.


#7

Yes,
Keep your children away from this man. Molestation is also about manipulation…so even if this man is no longer “doing” these things…you do not know his mind or what horrors lie there. You are to protect your children at all costs. Your home is your safe haven. No one is to break that.
As far as his wife goes, I have no advice but certainly he is not who she thought he was.
Praying for you…

p.s. I PM’d you…


#8

Is it right for me to protect my children at all costs even if it is his grandchildren?

It is your DUTY to protect your children at all costs from this man. Believe me, the fact that they are his grandchildren will not protect them from him.


#9

Well, my grandfather used to visit us and sleep over and, in view of her ‘history’ with him, my mom used to sleep on the floor on a matrass in my room to make sure he would not touch me. Years later (I was 23 when he died), I asked him and he was actually very sorry for what happened when my mom and her sisters were children (they were taken into care when my mom was 9, he spent 5 years in jail) and was very grateful that my mom forgave him and allowed him to see me. But…you are right: the trust was gone, she was ALWAYS there, day and night when he was in the house. To his credit, he never touched me and was a good grandfather. So…I guess it depends…You can forgive, but you can never trust again, I suppose. Go with your instincts, do YOU feel safe around your father-in-law?

Anna x


#10

Have nothing to do with him. Protect your children at all costs.

Remember the old saying: “Once bitten, twice shy.” He’s done this before so there’s a chance he’ll do it again. You don’t have to hate him but you must never trust him.

He will always be a danger and a risk. I wouldn’t even acknowledge him in the street. These type of people are the worst form of scum.

I know what I have said is less than charitable but I hate people who harm innocent children.


#11

Keep your children away from him. They must be protected.

Feel free to PM me. I’m the spouse of a survivor.


#12

YES it is imperative you keep this man away from your children. Pedophelia is not something that can be cured. The person is sick, and needs healing but NOT at the expense of your children.

As for his wife, if she has children she will get them away from him as well.


#13

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