Mom and I are fighting


#1

I don’t know how many of your remember the breast cancer scare my mom went through about 6 months ago. Well, then it was colon cancer, and now our frickin Doc had to tell her she needed a pap test (She hasn’t had one in four years) so now it’s cervical cancer. IT’S DRIVING ME INSANE!

What’s worse is that she told me she had genital warts after she was first intimate with my father. That was 20 years ago. What doesn’t make sence to me is that my father never had an outbreak, they were together over a year before they first had sex (unless he cheated on her…:rolleyes: ) and she hasn’t had an outbreak since, AND all her pap tests were normal. So basically she’s afried she has HPV. Why she choose now to tell me this, instead of back when we were fighting over the Gardisil vaccine, I will never know. But it pisses me off because i’m about 95% sure what she had wasn’t genital warts.

Her appointment is next week and she get the results the week after. I already know they’re gonna be negative. I’m so pissed off that she has to go insane over this. Help!


#2

It sounds as though your mother is an over-reactor. I’ve got one too. :slight_smile: The best thing I’ve found to do is react very mildly, if at all, to things she says. For example, my mother will make a comment about my father not taking care of his health (which is not at all true) and I say “oh” or some other sound to let her know I heard her. I don’t ask questions or say she’s right or wrong. She just wants to complain anyway, so I let her and move on. If she mentions something new, I call my dad or sister later and see if there’s any validity to it. (There usually isn’t.) I mostly just try to be as calm and non-reactive as possible, so she either stops freaking out or has to find someone else to freak out to. I hope that might help you.

MJ


#3

Maybe you need to be the strong one? Your mom is afraid that something will be wrong, she needs to find strength to face those fears.

When she freaks, say “mom, let’s pray about it” and pray with her. Remind her of Jesus’ constant reminder “Be Not Afraid”.


#4

It is utterly inappropriate for your mother to be sharing this intimate personal and health information with you. It is also well beyond your capacity to opine on whether, when or if she needs a particular medical test or treatment. I would strongly suggest that the next time she brings this up w/ you that you encourage her to talk with her physician about her medical concerns and with a peer/friend/spouse about the emotional toll it’s taking in her. Tell her you want to help around the house, with errands, driving her to appointments, meals–whatever practical necesssities she needs–but that you aren’t qualified to give her medical advice.


#5

Oh, ugh!

Seriously, that’s how people turn gay, having their moms go on about warts.


#6

Ugh, gross.


#7

Hear, hear. I could not imagine, in my most insane dreams, sharing intimate information with my two young-adult daughters. This lady needs a confidante her own age. She also needs to keep up with necessary check-ups, physicals, etc., on a regular basis so that she knows she is doing all she can to maintain her health.


#8

I too have a mother that thinks she has every disease mentioned on TV, magazines, etc…

I’m a nurse and she used to drive me crazy… I no longer ask questions and I change the subject… I just couldn’t stand it anymore.

Sad part is that God has blessed my mother with good health and she refuses to acknowledge it.

She has claimed to have breast cancer (to cover up having implants); heart problems; liver problems; gum disease; High blood pressure; cervical cancer; fibromyalsia; dislocated shoulder; and the list goes on…

Mom has gotten on way too many drugs for her anxiety and “pain”. I tried for years to help her and finally I had to walk away from the situation. We only speak 5 or 6 times a year and that is definately enough… She still has complaints… We (my sibblings and I) won’t even believe her if something ever really is wrong.

Step Dad won’t help either.

I bury myself in Christ and turn it all over to him…


#9

Maybe I should explain a little bit. My mother has never been a “social” person (And everyone wonders why I’m weird), she has a severe heart condition (Not as bad as Rayne’s but still horrible) and has been on social security for the past few years, basically she doesn’t have to many friends. There are about 4 people outside the immediate family my mom talks to regularly, my grandfather (her father) who lives with us, her two sisters, and her best friend. However when i say regularly, it means a few times every week on the phone, exculding my grandfather who she would never share this with unless the test results came back positive. My mom hates talking on the phone, btw, so rarely does she have long conversions with any of the above. And my father is no help because useally he’ll just laugh it off or tell her she’s crazy, she worries too much, etc. So basically that leave me. Plus it’s my laptop she takes and spends hours on looking up the same information day after day.

As I typed this she found the roses I left under her pillow and came up and gave me a kiss. I can’t say that I’m mad at her. I’m not, I’m just frustrated because when she’s worried I can’t help but be worried also(We have a lot more in common then I like to think). I told her earlier when i wrote this, when i was upset, that I wasn’t going to pray for anything because I knew it wasn’t anything. Now I know I’m going to pray for her.

Btw, I don’t think it’s inapporitate for my mother to be shareing this with me. I’m a mature adult (almost) of sound mind. Besides, my mom is my best friend. I never said she didnt need it, I’m glad she’s going in for the test, she should be getting regular exams, what I’m saying is that she shouldn’t worry about the results when there is no cause for worry.


#10

You’re only 16! It sounds as if roles have been reversed here, and it is NOT healthy or appropriate. Keep praying for your mom (I will say prayers, as well) but urge her to talk more to those adults she can - sisters, friend - to gain some perspective. Worrywarts will always be worrywarts, and I can understand how her heart condition could make her more concerned about her health. It also sounds as if she has too much time on her hands, and may benefit from an enjoyable hobby of some sort to keep her mind occupied.

In the end, I don’t know how much you can do about the situation except pray and be supportive - but don’t become the parent.

Blessings.


#11

Almost 17. The roles defiently aren’t reversed here.

As for having too much time on her hands, I would say yes except my seven year old brother keeps her (and everyone else) busy, and we also have my 80 year old grandfather living with us, and on top of that his house has been condemned and since my mother is the oldest of the sisters it’s her responsabilty to have it cleaned out (she got “served” last week by the sheriff with a summons to court).


#12

Wow - a lot on her plate! And she has a bad heart condition? Sounds as if some of those sisters need to step up here and take a little of the burden off your mom. This stress can’t be helping her frame of mind.


#13

My grandfather was living with one of my aunts for a while however there has been conflict with her husband (who has said some pretty bad things about all of us behind our backs) so my mother opted to let him move in with us. My other aunt works 6 days a week and my grandfather is in failing health. It was easier on all of us (except my aunt’s husband) when he was living with her as she is a nurse and her husband is a former nurse, and both worked with the elderly(my aunt has since transfered to anoughter position in the hospital). My aunt’s husband wanted him out, my other aunt wants to put him in a nursing home, responsabilty falls unto my mother. Although my grandfather is 80years old and his health is failing, it is not failing fast, and he is still quite healthy and still strongly independant, so a nursing home is not an option for him, but he is not healthy enough to live by himself. It’s a mess, but :shrug: there is nothing we can do about the situation at this point.


#14

Goth_Catholic, I won’t go into if it’s appropriate or not for your mother to be burdening you with this - but I for one think you’re mature enough to handle it. I have yet to meet a girl whose mother relied on her for strength and who didn’t grow up to be a very responsible, mature person - perhaps too mature for her age, but did that ever really hurt someone?

It is possible for a woman to get genital warts from a man who’s never had an outbreak. However, the strains of HPV that cause cervical cancer are usually not the ones that cause noticeable warts (6 and 11, unless I’m mistaken - you can google HPV). And it is highly unlikely that an infection that has long been inactive will cause cervical cancer. AND cervical cancer is among those that are easily treated, if caught early. I guess that’s your mom’s best cancer scare so far :shrug: .

Anyway, it can’t be easy for you. I’ll pray for you (It’s Kathleen, right? :slight_smile: ) and your mother. The only thing you can really do for your mother is pray for her. These constant cancer scares usually reveal a deeper fear underneath that only prayer can help, not medicine.


#15

I already have, the only thing is that it’s possible to infected with mulptiable strains. I was pretty sure that an inactive infection coupled with normal paps would make it pretty hard for her to have cervical cancer. The only thing i’m worried about is that her heart condition makes treatment for any cancer questionable.

Thanks. And it’s Katie;) I think her heart condition is what bothers her the most, the fear of dying young. It doesn’t help that past doctors have told her she wouldn’t live a normal life span if she doesn’t have surgery in a few years.


#16

Ouch! That’s very real. Is she having this heart surgery done?


#17

Not for anoughter 10 years at least unless something goes wrong.


#18

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