Mom in U.K. Fined for Grieving Too Long at Baby Son's Funeral

What in the hell is the matter with people in that country any more???

Have they all gone entirely insane???

A grieving mother in Britain was fined $173 for spending too long at her son’s coffin before it was taken away for cremation.

Terrie Rouse, 32, said her grief turned to shock when officials told her she had taken too long to say goodbye, The Daily Mail reported.

“The vicar had asked if I would like to spend a bit more time saying goodbye,” she said. “I sat by the coffin for 10 minutes, telling my son how much we loved him and begging him not to be scared.”

Officials at the crematorium, run by a local English council, impose an extra charge if any funeral runs over its 30-minute slot.

Rouse’s partner, Lee Smythe, said the fee was “sick and disgusting.”“Terrie was weeping hysterically,” he said. “She just wanted a few extra minutes to say goodbye to our much-loved little boy.”,2933,536594,00.html

So you think that the fact that the charge was rescinded was entirely insane then?

I think 10 minutes after a funeral is DEFINITELY not bad… But I guess where do they draw the line with how long you are allowed to say bye for… I guess the U.K. says 30 mins…
It’s strange… when my grandma died we had plenty of time…

The problem is that crematoria have to work to a strict timetable to fit in all the ceremonies booked for that day. Any delay in finishing has a knock-on effect for the next grieving family, and so on though the day.

My poor neighbour had to wait for nearly 20 minutes outside the crematorium with the mourners and hearse while the family ahead selfishly over-ran. Yes, I say, selfishly. It was very upsetting for everyone, but above all for poor Margaret. She had got together all her strength to attend, and then to have to wait like that when at that stage she just wanted to get it over with was nearly more than she could bear.

And think of it this way - ten minute delay on each of the 10 or 12 services each day means that the staff would be finishing work nearly two hours late. Is that just?

I’m not saying that the poor mother in the news item was being deliberately selfish. In the case of the family before my neighbour’s funeral, the cause was extra readings and tributes that they obviously hadn’t timed,

But I think this extraordinary knee-jerk reaction viz. ‘what in the hell is the matter with people in that country’ is uncalled for. Some poor official was given the job of enforcing a blanket rule, a rule that has been put in place for very good reasons. The family would have been warned of the penalty involved. Why wasn’t somebody in that family keeping an eye on the time if they didn’t want to bring it on themselves?

Good thing her son wasn’t buried in Arlington National Cemetery:

Please conduct your graveside services according to your religious tradition. Also, please remember that time is our enemy at ANC, with an average of 23 funerals each day. We request that grave side services be kept under ten minutes in length.

Paperweight explained the situation perfectly. The time factor is to ensure that all the services scheduled for that day can fit in. It seems that the family in question did not have a church funeral first–all the service took place at this funeral home/crematorium.

My uncle recently died and despite his daughters’ wonderful plans, things did run long in a couple of spots unintentionally and the funeral director had to quietly move us along. In such a sad situation it always feels like they are imposing on you, but other families also want the perfect funeral for their loved ones and the funeral home needs to have time to neaten up between services also.

This story was sensational because of the very sad conditions surrounding the child’s death, but I don’t think it is an indictment of the entire country.

I’m amazed someone hasn’t mentioned socialist Europe by this stage to be honest…

Grieving in other societies and cultures seems to be done differently from the way it’s done in North America.

I did a Google search and found that in Europe, and in many countries around the world, cemetery plots are only rented for a few years. If the rent is not paid or renewed, the bones are dug up and removed.

There are quite a few Web pages that discuss this situation.

Here in North America, there is the idea of the dead bodies remaining in their graves in perpetuity. But that’s not the practice elsewhere.

Here in London cemetery space is at a premium - when my mother died in 1990 it cost the equivalent (at the exchange rates of that era) of 10,000 dollars to purchase a spot to bury her in the local Catholic cemetery. Even that space was in a grave that had already been used ot bury a child who had in the post WW1 flu epidemic, there is space for one more coffin in this grave which will be my father’s at some point.

Obtaining any of the larger plots in the cemetery would bankrupt most families - the Italian and Polish Catholics who used to live in the locale had a tradition (where they could afford it) of putting up rather grand tombs but those are mostly 30 to 40 years old at least by now and a similar size family grave would now be beyond the reach of nearly all familes as the price for what little space is left would mean even my mother’s grave would now cost you the best part of 20,000 pounds to obtain. Dying been such an expensive business here is one reason cremation is so common - many people have funeral insurance specifically to allow their left behind family members not to have panic over these costs.

The cemetery actual says on the caretaker’s lodge that NO burials from outside the diocese will be accepted without the Bishop’s written consent and that it foresees an end to any new burials within five years or so.

Incidentally my mother’s grave is located not so far away from the last of Jack the Ripper’s victims Mary Kelly whose grave is still fairly well kept.

As to the original article - this ‘that crazy country Britain’ stuff that some posters go on about here does my head in - Britain is not perfect and nor is America and posting articles with an obvious intent to show how ‘In America we are far more evolved than to do this’ is jingoistic.

Because I had not commented here yet.

Yes, this is nothing more that the Socialist Plague trying to control every aspect of a person’s life. They to not care about the person (just look at Socialized Medicine), just controlling them like a piece of property.

Just like Pavlov, ring the bell and . . . . :smiley:

My old gran use to say " Bless the day i left that place" She said it didn’t feel so much as she left the country. But that she escaped it.

There’s a hubris there that would demand a ‘bet there was a sigh of relief the other end’, if one was feeling bitchy, that is.

You’ll have to forgive me for that…my perceptions are colored by the raft of anti-Christian, pro-Muslim, and (IMHO) hare-brained social schemes coming out of the UK these days.

That, and the fact that a goodly portion of my family came here from County Kildare—and more than one of them were used by the British to decorate a tree, “back in the day”.

Knowing my nan. I wouldn’t be suprised at all.

So what does the Church recommend that you do with the ashes? The priest told us that my father’s ashes had to be buried. So if that’s true, at least a small burial site will still be needed.:shrug:

Some churches have columbariums, ( I think it literally means dovecot) which are structures with little shelves round for the urns, and, in our church at least, set into the ground - I don’t know whether they all are, but it would fulfil the burying part.

I think what your priest was gettung at is that the Church doesn’t approve of ashes being scattered on football grounds and the like, as it could be disrepectful.

Simple answer. Don’t cremate. We should be burying our dead not burning them up. At a burial you can stay next to the burial plot for as long as you want because you are not holding anybody else up.

The Church allows, but does not prefer, cremation. Read the actual rules and you will find the documents state that burial is to be the preferred option but that cremation is allowed.

As for the so-called anti-British bias, I have some sympathy for it having seen how socialist and increasingly anti-Christian Britain is becoming. However, I also get rather weary of hearing about the latest mass gun killing in the United States.

And my maternal grandfather was an IRA officer in Athlone during the War of Independence and his first wife a member of Cumann nMban but I don’t love the sneering tone many here use when they talk of Europe and in fairness if I were American I wouldn’t love the tone sometimes used about the USA in debates either. A bit of ribbing is fine but this whole, ‘the socialist, crazy Britain’ bit is a caricature of modern Britain. Britain’s socialist, well the Irish system would then be considered similarly socialist I suggest if you are maintaining you are of Irish descent since although differing from the British system in some respects it shares a number of similarities with it. In fact Eamon DeValera commented that he deliberately copied British institutions as the American system could all to easily become a dictatorship.

The silly situation with the mother grieving for a lost baby is one of those disastrous bits of bureacrucy that occurs everywhere - the US, Ireland, England, Italy, Belarus, Greece etc. etc.

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