Money sharing is making me stingy go


#1

Since I complained in my other post about how I live under my dad’s roof rent free. It’s cultural thing I don’t move out and children are taken care of until they wed, at least women are. We don’t charge our children for rent. Every now and then our father asks us to borrow money and never pays it back. What bothers me is that I work part time, I haven’t been able to find a full time job for a year. I contribute monthly to car payments and to insurance. I still pay for my clothes, feminine necessities, school stuff.

So I especially get annoyed when my father asks to borrow money from my youngest brother. His money is birthday and Christmas money. He’s in high school, he doesn’t work. If I was making more money, I wouldn’t mind. I actually don’t care if he borrows money from me most of the time. I haven’t been able to work for reasons I choose not to disclose online. Something bad happened. I hope I qualify for disability. I’m going into the hundreds in my bank account. If I go broke, I don’t want to go back to asking my father for money for things.

It’s always bothered me because my father discouraged us from working during high school and college. He has never paid me back. He used to borrow our allowance, birthday money and Christmas money as kids. My allowance money came from our mother. He refused to ever give us allowance money. Some Christmas he gave us money to put in the bank. It’s the spare money we get from others he takes.
Not only this I’m recently angry I gave my father sixty dollars for groceries and he still asked my sister to spend her own money for it.

If I were to ask him for a five, he’d lecture me on being responsible , to always carry cash, and to pay him back promptly. When does pay back, it’s never the full amount. Most times he doesn’t.


#2

Calculate a budget you CAN and WANT to give per month and after this, say “sorry dad, I´m out of money” . Nothing grave can happen this way. Being in debt while still being able to get money from the bank is also “out of money”. Maybe have a talk with your mum?


#3

If I had a better job, I wouldn’t be as stingy honestly. I hope being stingy, selfish and cheap don’t become permanent personality traits.


#4

Your father WILL NOT change. So you have three choices:

  1. change your behavior
  2. change nothing but accept it and be at peace
  3. change nothing and keep complaining

Dear one, this was discussed at length on your previous post. You were given many suggestions on how to change your behavior. You still seem frustrated and want your father to change. Please accept that this is extremely unlikely. Praying for you


#5

That’s difficult. How can I get used to fact people with bad habits don’t change? Is he genuinely forgetful? Is he gypping so purpose because he pays the other bills so he feels entitled to our money? I don’t want to cause a scene or be a witch about it. Or make it into a big deal.


#6

Why is your dad borrowing money. Is there financial stress. How can you help out?

Don’t store up your treasures on earth


#7

And what about a second job? Heck, a decade ago I was working 3 jobs + doing housesitting for pay.


#9

I would give dad pocket money, or offer board .


#10

Yes it is difficult. You can’t control other, and you often can’t find out why they engage in selfish behavior.

Make a firm decision on how YOU are going to act from now on, then let this go so you can have peace. Your father is going to keep doing this, period. Stop focusing on why he is doing it or trying to get him to stop. You might want to have a small talk with your younger brother as well, but then let that go too. He is responsible for his own actions, and needs to learn how to handle his own relationship with his father.

I speak from some experience. I had family members that had selfish behaviors that drove me crazy. I was filled with stress when I was around them, then I would analyze and discuss what they did, wonder why they did it, and try and figure out how to get them to stop. This went on for YEARS. Praise be to Jesus Christ I was able to let it all go! What freedom! Now I know they are going to be selfish and well, whatever! There is nothing I can do so I offer it up to Christ and I am finally at peace.


#11

I have developed a mechanism: whenever I stress about money(the lack of it), I tell myself Whoa! What am I stressing about? Money! Rather than enjoying this moment I am in?

Basically, I make myself realise that thinking about money when you can be doing something else worthwhile is pointless, and then I find or continue with whatever I was doing. You will always think about money, try thinking about it when you need to.
I don’t think you are stingy, just overly conscious about how you spend money.
https://www.thewarofdestiny.com/


#12

OP, this isn’t adding up. Your original thread is still open. On that thread, you were speaking as if you eventually planned to move out. Only later did you say it was a cultural thing…not leaving home until married. And, still, it seemed as if you still wanted to move out. Is this causing tension, between you and your parents? I’d imagine it would cause a lot more tension than lending/borrowing.

You need to learn to live in reality…not just wait until your dad suddenly decides he was wrong, and changes overnight! That won’t happen. Now that you won’t be able to work for a while…and, I truly hope that can be resolved as soon as possible…you have to do something to hold onto the money you have now.

I hope it can work out for the best, for your whole family!


#13

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