My oldest daughter’s confirmation sponsor, call her “Jane”, will be marrying “John” in September, and has invited our family to the wedding. Jane and John consider themselves to be serious Catholics, and Jane talked at length with my daughter about the importance of purity, etc. etc.
Turns out that Jane will be having a baby at the end of this month.
John is a minimally-employed graduate student. Jane is unemployed and living on food stamps. In spite of their financial situation and the baby on the way, they’ve managed to come up with the money for a big white wedding. Jane is estranged from her family, so she and John are paying for the wedding themselves.
Since they had intended to marry before they found out that Jane was pregnant, I believe that they should have married before the baby was born. Absent that, I think that it would be far more prudent to have a small, inexpensive wedding with a cake-and-punch reception, so that they’d conserve their resources for their child.
Shortly after she told me she was pregnant, I talked all this over with Jane in a gentle but forthright way. She’s not a terribly mature person, and her response was basically “I want what I want and I’m gonna have what I want”.
I’m certainly glad that she’s chosen to give her child life, and that she’s marrying John rather than denying her daughter a father. However, regarding my own four kids, who range in age from 7 through 15, I’m not comfortable with the message that this sends. “Do the wrong thing (fornication), but have a big fancy wedding anyway.” Is she not giving scandal?
So my options are to
not attend at all, which will probably end the friendship
attend with just my oldest daughter, with whom I’ve already discussed the situation at length
attend the wedding, but decline the reception
plan a family vacation that weekend and skirt the issue entirely. (OK, so that’s not really an option, but it sure sounds tempting!)
I’d just like to hear some opinions.