Moral Guidance


#1

Everyday there is a part of me that feels guilty. I feel like I’m a hypocritical fraud. I’m not giving you a laundry list of my saving graces so I can try to prove anything like the Rich Young Ruler. I’m just genuinely curious about where I stand with God.
I’m a sophomore at a Jesuit university. I go to Mass every Sunday, but believe me I am the first one to acknowledge there is so much more to salvation than that. Last year I spent two days a week in a local rec center for inner city kids. This year I’m only going to coach basketball at the center. I try to give of my time, talent and treasure to those in need. The decisions I make in every arena of life are indelibly guided by what God demands. Again, I’m not seeking praise, and for all I know that last statement could be the largest piece of self-deluded bunk. I’m trying to sort this out for myself.
But every time I listen to Jesus’ words I feel like I’m no better than the rich young man. I feel like the fact that I am not destitute and have not forsaken all, just like Jesus calls us to, makes me a fraud and just another unfinished building. I’ve taken to praying to Joseph of Arimathea for guidance on how to be a good steward. In my mind I’ve visualized myself in the rich man’s shoes over and over again and I know that as tough as it would be, if the Son of the Most High came to me today and asked me to sell my stuff, I would know better than to throw eternity away for a bunch of meaningless stuff.
Am I hell-bound because I’m cognizant of the massive self renunciation Christ calls us to yet I sit here in college, trying to find my calling and trying to be a good Catholic? I really don’t find myself attached to my possessions, but at the same time I love hanging out and enjoying the simple things like sports and recreation with my friends at school.
Does it seem like I am being called to sell everything? Or can I joyfully part ways with much like Zacchaeus but use my privileged position like Mary Magdalene, Lydia and others for the good of the Kingdom?
Im sorry if this was choppy. I’ll pray for you all and please keep the Be Like Brit orphanage in Haiti in your prayers.


#2

I suggest this is best taken up in regular dialog with a spiritual director and not with strangers on an Internet forum.


#3

I think 1ke is probably right that this would be best asked to a spiritual director.

That said, I don’t think we’re all called to true poverty. Poverty in spirit, yes. True poverty, not necessarily. You can share your blessings with others by donating your time or your money or your talents to charity or the Church or worthwhile causes. It sounds like you are striving hard to serve the Lord, and that is a good thing. Set up an appointment with your spiritual director, or with your priest if you don’t have one, and ask that person what they think about the rest.

God bless you.


#4

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