Shortly after my wife and I got married her parents split after over 30 years because he was having an affair. That one eventually didn’t work out and he ended up meeting someone else who went to the same Presbyterian Church that we did.
They got married and eventually have 2 children. The oldest being about a year older than our oldest so they are the same age as our children.
While I didn’t agree with divorce as a Presbyterian I did not hold the same views as the Church does in regards to relations being a mortal sin etc… w/o an annulment.
It was difficult for both of us as we were trying to get pregnant and couldn’t then her dad and step-mom, who is actually the same age I am (my wife is 2 years younger than we are) were having kids. Not to mention the fact that now he was a basically a new dad and didn’t have the same time for what was his only child for about 30 years.
That being said we never pushed him away (and we had ample other reasons as well), especially when we had kids and we will not now either. They are not Catholic, they are still Presbyterian and do not believe the way we do and I’m not going to hold them to the teachings of the Church. He made a big mistake, and we have talked about it to our oldest (who is 6) when he asked why they aren’t together as seen in pictures when my wife was young. We also though point out that blessings can sometimes come from mistakes as well (his aunt and uncle who are his age).
More importantly, I put this on a post in another area, I believe children need their extended family and Grandparents, they have a lot to teach them. They are still only human. I read Michelle’s answer to this and I disagree with her. I would not punish my father by keeping his grandkids from him nor would I punish my kids and deprive them of a grandfather who loves. My children don’t have that option as my father passed away before they were born very suddenly… I know your are mad now but consider if you didn’t have the options you have today because he wasn’t there at all.
Being young they won’t really understand and you will have time to tell them that Grandpa made a big mistake as they get older. I would also allow my kids to play with her children. I believe kids need all the people they can around them who love them.
Adults make choices, sometimes bad one, sometimes really bad ones but it dosen’t sound like your father has done anything that would hurt the children (like pedo, alcoholism etc…) so Michelle’s answer about supervised visits and phone calls is ridiculous IMHO (this comes from someone who use to work with abused children as well). He isn’t a pedophile, he is a man who made a very bad choice which has nothing to do with the grand children. There are so many children out there who would love to have someone to care about them, even if it was only a few times a year, yet you are considering denying your children of that extra love and attention… why again?
Oh yes, immoral behavor… I don’t know about you but I’ve done a lot of immoral things and while I consistantly try to do better I still fail quite a lot. I pray that I never do anything stupid like your father has done but if I do ever completely fail like that, I pray that my children will be able to fogive me… I think I may go read them the story about “casting the first stone…” at bedtime tonight.
What I WOULD do though is tell him that you expect him, as a Catholic, to seek an annulment. He may not get it but as a Baptized Catholic he should try.
Finally I agree with you… I think it’s your anger talking. But don’t listen to just me or anyone else on this board. Take what each of us has said and take it to Him.
I would encourage you to spend some time in front of the Blessed Sacrament… alone with Christ. My wife’s father was recently diagnosed with cancer and it’s inoperable… imagine if she had pushed him out about a decade ago or so… I told her the same thing. Go to the Chapel and pray, cry and whatever you need to do… then listen.
We all make mistakes… some a lot worse than others. I believe if you pray about it and listen to your heat, He will guild you in what you need to do. Maybe that is my suggestions, maybe it’s not I don’t know… but He does.
You are in my prayers!