[quote="Seatuck, post:2, topic:219389"]
This has been answered multiple times in threads before this.You could do a search and read over those for resources. Each and every marital act must be conducted in such a way as to be open to life .There must be a giving and taking so as to mirror the love within the Trinity which is a life giving love. Oral stimulation is permitted as foreplay and not an end.
Sex Au Naturel by Patrick Coffin
The Good News about Sex and Marriage- Christopher West
Holy Sex.... by Greg Popcak
These are the last paragraphs of the article, and I believe, the main sticking point that Catholics have with Church teachings (I jumped from the Family LIfe forum out of curiosity when this one was mentioned). To me, the Church is presuming what is in the hearts of a couple who engage in oral sex. Is the act at the time closed to new life? Yes. If you also engage in intercourse? No. But to say that to perform such acts with each other is not out of love? That is up to the couple, I believe. But to the Church, sex to orgasm outside of intercourse is banned/prohibited/gravely disordered and such. No wonder we Catholics have such guilt complexes about sex.
During the Sacrament of Matrimony, the couple commits to a free, total, faithful, and fruitful union that should strive to imitate the perfection of the Trinity. Therefore, sexual union should mirror and reinforce the sacramental promises. If a couple decides to engage in oral sexual activity to the point of orgasm, what are they saying with their acts and their marriage? How does this particular action speak of love? Certainly, this is not a free and total gift of oneself to another, but merely a partial and incomplete gift. Secondly, this form of sexual activity will be closed to the possibility of new life. So, the Church tries to help couples make their marriages the best that they can be. At the same time, these teachings point out the ways that sexual union is most fulfilling. Oral sex can never bring as much fulfillment as the total giving and receiving that happens in conjugal love.
When couples choose to engage in oral sex, they also run the risk of seriously harming their marriage. Sexual pleasure naturally seems to be the physical and psychological goal of oral stimulation that ends in orgasm. As a result, one’s spouse becomes the object that gives pleasure… the means to gratification. Instead of elevating each other as in the conjugal act, one person becomes subservient to the other. Over time, spouses can develop a lack of respect for each other as a result of their sexual cravings and the way in which they are satisfied. Even though John Paul II does not specifically talk about oral sex in The Theology of the Body, he makes it clear that when spouses merely satisfy the sexual needs of the other, they damage the communion that exists in marriage…
It can happen that one of the two persons exists only as the subject of the satisfaction of the sexual need, and the other becomes exclusively the object of this satisfaction. This does not correspond to the union or personal communion to which man and woman were mutually called from the beginning. On the contrary, it conflicts with it. Moreover, the case in which both the man and woman exist reciprocally as the object of satisfaction of the sexual need, and each on his or her part is only the subject of that satisfaction, does not correspond to this unity of communion. On the contrary, it clashes with it. This reduction of such a rich content of the reciprocal and perennial attraction of human persons in their masculinity or femininity does not at all correspond to the ‘nature’ of the attraction in question. This reduction extinguishes the personal meaning of communion, characteristic of man and woman.
So once again, who places restrictions on sexual intercourse… spouses or the Church? As one can see, the teachings of the Catholic Church speak of sex in its ideal form… desiring it to be all that it can be. Sexual union within marriage is best when it is free, total, faithful and fruitful. The Church also realizes that men and women are created differently and oral stimulation is allowed before the conjugal act so that the husband and wife may climax together as a deep sign of their total self-gift to one another. There is nothing dirty about the goal of mutual climax when we speak out of respect for both spouses and manifest their equality. Christopher West describes it as follows: “The climax of the sexual act shouts loudly and clearly, ‘Take me. I’m totally yours. I’m holding nothing back.’ That ecstatic moment reflects the unreserved surrender of our persons and unreserved receptivity of the other. To the degree that we knowingly and intentionally reserve any part of ourselves from our spouse in the sexual act, we cannot speak of a total self-giving.”
After hearing this message, many people may say that the Church’s teachings are naïve, utopian, and unachievable… but they cannot deny that the goal is a fantastic challenge! In the midst of divorce, adultery, and sexual dissatisfaction within marriages, the Church tells spouses to respect one another, communicate more deeply, and be self-giving… not selfish. In other words, make sex the beautiful gift that it was intended to be! When human beings reduce sex to something accomplished with one part of the body instead of the whole body, it seems clear that they are the ones who are guilty of restricting sexual freedom, not the Catholic Church.