Morality of NFP on honeymoon?


#1

Hi all!

I'm becoming Catholic on Easter and I'm getting married in June (yay!!). I got off of the Pill last May and we took an NFP class in August and are really looking forward to NOT using ABC (yay!!). When we started dating, we were both agnostic so a lot of conversion has gone on in the past two years. I do admit to living together (in my mother's house, with my 5yo daughter from a previous relationship and with my 19yo cousin) but we are practicing chastity 100% since our conversion. I finished college, but I got a crummy job and there seems to be nothing better out there right now. My fiance is still in college and has about 2yrs left to go untill he gets his B.S. in Comp. Sci. and I hope he has better luck finding a good job. We want a LOT of kids. As many as we can possibly afford. And when we're fertile no more we'd love to adopt. (I'm of the mentality that if a family is in the single digits, it's not big LOL). Call me naive, I guess. lol Anyway, I want to be a stay at home mom, but we really think it's better for him to finish college (hoping that he'll get a better paying job than he would if he dropped out now) before I quit my current job. How we wish we could get started on having babies from the get go!!!! However, from the circumstances it seems that it would be imprudent. Mainly because we live in my mother's house, I already have one child that she is providing a roof for, and with my $12.10 an hour we don't think we could afford it unless he dropped college and started working full time. Now for my question:

Is it moral to use NFP even on the honeymoon? I think many Catholics think that there is nothing immoral about useing NFP during the honeymoon. But I've also read the dissenting option. It seems some believe that if you are not ready to have children at that moment then you're not ready to get married. I would like to hear from those who think this way and ask them for more insight into their way of thinking. Would the more moral thing to do be to postpone our wedding until he finished college? Would the more moral thing to do be get married and have him drop college if needed if we conceive? Or would the more moral thing to do be what I'm intending (get married, use NFP if necessary on the honeymoon and for the first 1.5yrs of marriage until he finished college and gets a job)? Or is there some other moral alternative that I haven't considered? Even though I can kinda see how one shouldn't get married until they're ready to have children, I also think one shouldn't postpone an engagement for so long. I think that because of what Paul said when he wrote to the Corinthians...

1 Corinthians 7:9 (New American Standard Bible)

"But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

Thoughts??

Thanks!!!


#2

I think it CAN be moral... and it also CAN be immoral. There's no single answer to this question.

I don't think the fact that it's your honeymoon makes it different than any other time during your marriage, though...
NFP must *ALWAYS *be used prayerfully and with prudence, otherwise it can lead to the "birth control mindset".

With that said... we used NFP at the beginning of our marriage... in fact, we were affected by it during our honeymoon... had to wait a couple days before consummating. It happens!

The real question is what is your motivation and purpose for using NFP? On the surface you're mentioning *very *prudent reasons for avoiding conception at first... that's what it's there for.
Ask God to be with you and guide you in your decision. :)

God bless and congratulations on your upcoming marriage!


#3

Hi, there!

Wow! You’re going to have a great year. Me, too, actually: I’m a recent Catholic convert (5 years) that’s marrying in November! Congratulations on both your entry into the faith and into a new and everlasting marriage.

That said, yep, my fiancee and I are definitely practicing NFP during the honeymoon and beyond.

The Catholic Church only requires that a couple to be married is open to the *opportunity *of having children *and * are doing nothing artificially to prevent pregnancy. By using NFP in the way you noted, you’re being fiscally wise; you do want to have kids but it’s more important that you set the financial foundations before you begin your life as parents. It is not irresponsible or immoral to forgo children as you start your married life. Now, if you’re using NFP to avoid children altogether–that’s not being a good Catholic.

I’m already a father from a previous marriage (long story) but my fiancee and I are ready for another child once our fiscal groundwork is ready.

Good luck and God’s blessings to your new lives.


#4

I do not see that using NFP in your circumstance would be immoral. It seems you are using NFP for the right reasons and do not have an ABC mindset. In addition, your goal of being a stay at home mom is commendable, but with a large family, your husband will need a good job, and a college degree is the first step. Plus, maybe the economy will be better in 2 years and it will be easier for him to get that great job. BTW, I think most people who would think NFP during the honeymoon is immoral are also the people who think NFP is always immoral.

However, whether a different alternative would be MORE moral - that is a question for you, your fiance and a holy priest. One thing I would like to mention, though, is that the verse from 1 Corinthians: better to be married than burn with passion - must be heeded carefully. NEVER is marriage a legitimate outlet for lust. In fact, Jesus himself said that a man who even looks lustfully at a woman has already committed adultery in his heart. This includes his own wife. Sex must always be a gift of self for the other. Read a little Christopher West and Theology of the Body from JPII for more on this.

May God Bless your marriage!


#5

I have read/heard everything from “you shouldn’t even get married until you’re financially ready to have children” to “you’re poor, he’s poor - you should be poor together, why bother waiting to get married?” That said, I think that you have perfectly legitimate reasons for wanting to avoid pregnancy while still being fine on your marriage timeline. I’m getting married this July, and to be honest - the whole concept of learning how to live with another person as a married couple is going to be hard enough to adjust to without throwing a child in the mix. They say that getting married is one of the most stressful things you can do - I think that that alone would be a prudent reason to avoid immediate pregnancy. It’s something that only the two of you (with maybe the help of a priest or spiritual director) can discern, and only you will know if your reasons are out of selfishness or not.

Congratulations on the impending nuptials and good luck with your journey.


#6

[quote="ishnianqueen, post:5, topic:189812"]
Ithe whole concept of learning how to live with another person as a married couple is going to be hard enough to adjust to without throwing a child in the mix.

[/quote]

As a bride of 19 months I will second this one. I'm so glad we could devote our whole energy to adjusting to each other (though we realized a short while ago that, actually, some of our early problems stemmed from the fact that at the beginning of our marriage we lost this fact of sight, and devoted too much of our energy to other things : family, friends, works in our flat)
And the best advice I heard about it was from a priest who said "a couple's first child is... the couple. So take care of it before you give him siblings"


#7

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