I think it all depends on the reasons why children place their parents into a nursing home. My mother had me promise her a few years back that she will never go into one, so if it comes to my mother needing much more care later on in life, it will be up to me (hopefully my siblings will help as well) to give the appropriate care for my mother. If I go against my mother’s wishes and the promise I made to her, then I believe it would be immoral of me to do it.
My father is of a totally different mindset, though. He doesn’t believe that he or my mother should expect their children to be 24 hour caregivers to either one of them. Instead, he had me promise that if needed he’d be placed in a nursing home. Going against his wishes and breaking my promise to him would be immoral as well.
There are many different kinds of nursing homes and assisted living homes as well. Some are really nice which offer everything to monthly concerts and such as the residents were people who were very much into the arts. I’ve been booked in such placed to give vocal recitals and such. The places are sort of like mansions. There are others which are middle of the road and still give excellent care. My husband’s grandmother is in such a place and she loves it there because she has a lot more interaction with other men and women of her age, loves the nurse/aid staff and gets the 24 hour care that she needs. The children who live near by visit her often like they would have if she was living in her regular home. The difference is she’s no longer alone in a house during the week with not much interaction and stimulation. If she lived at one of the children’s homes, she would especially be isolated since both people in the households work all day. So, actually, it is better for her to be around many people and care and she prefers it.
But you also have really horrible nursing homes which give bad care, have very clinical-looking rooms, etc. I think if family can give care from home if all they could afford is this kind of facility, then it might be better to have their parent at their home or hire a person to be there for the parent.
It is a very difficult situation, no matter what. Many older people need constant care which requires medical professionals and in some ways, depending on the laws of each state, it is much more affordable to have a parents receive that constant care in a nursing home rather than have a private caregiver come to the house. My father brought up an interesting observation. He’s a doctor and takes care of many elderly patients, visiting them in nursing homes and such. It’s one of the reasons he doesn’t mind going to a nursing home if needed because the ones he’s been to are nice and have excellent staff. There are more people living longer today than there were 30+ years ago when he started his practice. His parents and many people in his parents’ generation, for instance, didn’t have this dilemma of how to care for aging parents who need extra care than what they can give. Of course there were nursing homes back then as well. The baby boomer generation (his generation) has been experiencing it with their own parents and he knows that our generation will feel the same thing as his generation continue to age. It’s not a coincidence, I think, that there are so many more nursing/assisted living homes popping up all over the place. They are making room for the baby boomers.