More difficult to make friends?


#1

:shrug:We recently moved to south texas, from north oklahoma. We had a wonderful group of friends that we met up there. Now that we’ve moved here we’ve been trying to meet people. But we’ve just ended up getting in fights with other groups we’ve been invited to hang with at get togethers over religion (Catholicism and atheism), and gonig to strip clubs (which i am strongly opposed to and they tried to convince me for about 45 minutes that i need to go…while they were driving to one). These arguments have thus caused us to lose the potential friendships. I"m just wondering…is it harder to gain friends as you get older? We never had this problem where we lived last (OK) Or could it just be something else? Maybe we’re becomign stronger in our convictions? Or just need to screen better for friends? I guess I feel a little hammered right now:shrug:


#2

It sounds like you might need to be a little more selective in regards to whom you consider a friend. A friendship that is lost over not going to strip clubs probably wasn’t one worth developing in the first place. I would definitely work on developing friendships with those whom you have more in common with. You will probably find that having a handful of good friends is worth so much more than a bunch of people you can’t count on. And DO make the effort to maintain the good friendships you developed in Oklahoma.


#3

I know exactly how you feel. I’m 24 (but I also happen to be the mother of a 5 year old) and I find it soooooo difficult to make friends. In reality I don’t have any friendships except my family. My convictions seem to get in the way a lot, even with my family at times. The stronger my convictions have gotten, the more difficult I find it to make friends. It’s not really that i argue with people though, it’s simply that there seems to be very little common ground. And if there is any, then with work and a family, I don’t have much time to nourish those potential friendships. As for all my “old friends” my convictions either drove them away, or simply made it so that we don’t really have much in common any longer…sad. I was thinking about this a few days ago and I was comforted by the idea that I do however have a best friend. His name is Jesus :slight_smile:


#4

It's definitely harder as you get older. I haven't made any new friends for several years and I'm starting to get worried as more and more of them are moving away for various reasons. I'm only down to a couple of friends right now and one of them is "thinking" about moving away this summer.


#5

Battar, I lived in Seattle for many years, it's a very nice City, yet I know how it goes with finding people to connect with, due to it. It's a very trendy city, you gotta get into the artsy stuff to really fit in. There is a lot of that stuff there, the art institute is a big part of that one. The same with the music side as well for obvious reasons.


#6

We just moved from DETROIT to ALASKA. I thought that we would NEVER find friends… especially after attending a conservative Catholic law school.

We prayed a lot about it, and threw ourselves into our new parish, and God blessed us with great friends almost instantly. NOw I know this doesnt always happen, but my wife and I know we can sometimes attract the wrong people, because we are so willing to see good in people, that it is a virtue to a fault.

So we told each other that we were going to be determined to find friends and only spend time with those people that held us up and and held values that were the type we found important.

Sure we still hang out with some non-catholics and those that don’t fit this description, but the point is being INTENTIONAL about who you hang out with and why. Also finding friends at Church is a good idea, but it doesnt always yield perfect results. PRayer though is your best weapon in this search.


#7

I knw othe feeling. I recently moved from Oregon to Washington. It's been hard, but I have met some people. They aren't Catholic, but they are good people, and that is more important to me. :) I've met some Catholics I can't stand, so religion isn't number one priority.


#8

Where are you meeting these "friends?" I hope not a Mass!

Have you gotten involved in a prayer group, rosary group, bible study, men's group, women's group, etc, in your new parish? Should be some nice people in those groups.


#9

I think it is harder to make friends as you get older because most people are happy with their defined social groups, they aren't looking to make new friends for the most part. When I stopped traveling for work and relocated, I really only had a handful of friends in the area that I knew from college. Several months went by of seeing the same people and doing the same things and I just got sick of it and decided to branch out and join different activities. I started meeting tons of new people and always accepted invites to attend anything in hopes it would be fun and there would be more nice people there.

Close to a year after I moved I starting forming some friendships with people who I am now very good friends with and we hangout regularly. Now 2.5 years later I feel like I know so many people and when I go out in the city I actually see people I know or find that I meet new people who are friends with my friends or people I know. I have had some really cool 'six degrees of separation' experiences. It is a nice feeling. I still am good friends with the people I knew from college when I moved to the area, but they still only hangout within that small social circle. To contrast my experience...many of them have lived in this area for 5+ years and don't have more than one new friend.

[quote="beenwashed, post:1, topic:182181"]
But we've just ended up getting in fights with other groups we've been invited to hang with at get togethers over religion (Catholicism and atheism)

[/quote]

My suggestion would be to not discuss religion at all. Or politics for that matter. These subjects can be very divisive when you meet new people and they don't really know you well. Viewpoints/comments can come off as insulting, mean, rude, etc. I feel like those topics should be reserved for venues specifically meant for their discussion or with close established friends who can talk with you about the subject matter and won't get mad at you.

There is a reason many bars will kick out patrons speaking about religion and politics. Back in 2004, prior to the Presidential election, my friend and I were discussing Bush/Kerry while waiting for a drink and the bartender told us we needed to talk about something else or leave. Granted he didn't know that we were very good friends and could discuss the topic civilized, but in retrospect, all it could take is someone nearby to over hear us and disagree and then an argument could ensure.

[quote="beenwashed, post:1, topic:182181"]

and gonig to strip clubs (which i am strongly opposed to and they tried to convince me for about 45 minutes that i need to go....while they were driving to one).

[/quote]

I've been pressured to go to strip clubs in the past, but refused and eventually those who said I 'have to go' eased up and respected my decision. Some of the 'pressure' was done jokingly and in some instances it wasn't. They have never asked me to go again.

All in all, I don't see why someone you don't know well would suggest going to a strip club. It just seems odd (and sleazy) to me.


#10

I don’t know I dropped my strip club friends years ago, and I don’t know how old you are, but I have found SoTex to be one of the friendliest places in the country. the difference is notable immediately when you go into a store or business and the staff is helpful and pleasant, unlike some areas of the country where entering a business makes you feel like an intruder.

Every time we moved, which was rather often, we found the easiest way to make good lasting friends was through our parish and our childrens’ schools, being selective in the first place, we usually took at least 3 months to choose a permanent parish, of course we got kids in school right away. But becoming active plugs you in right a way to a network of people who at least in certain areas are going to share many of your values.

The answer, as usual, is service. Find somebody someplace to help.


#11

Another problem I find is that any of the people that I meat that I might have similar values with tend to be my grandparents generation. Like someone else mentioned, it's VERY difficult to find younger people who care about God or the Catholic Church...and those things are soooo important to me that I don't really care to be best of friend's with anyone who doens't put them in priority. Sometimes I feel like this makes me incredibly judgemental, but I don't really think that that's the case. I'm just really choosy with who I spend time with and who I want my daughter seeing me spend time with. For example, there was a girl I met at work who is reeaally nice and really sweet and she seems to be a really great friend to those around her. When I first started that job I thought that maybe there was potential there....however I soon learned that this girl was a practicing homosexual and I was really bothered about the message that this could send to my daughter. Just imagine me and friend getting together to go the park with our "family" and she brings her girlfriend. I do the same thing with smokers. Just can't bring myself to getting close to people whose lifestyle choices I strongly disapprove of, in large part because it bothers me personally, and also because I don't want my daughter seeing these things, especially not in people that I associate with regularly.


#12

[quote="puzzleannie, post:10, topic:182181"]
I don't know how old you are, but I have found SoTex to be one of the friendliest places in the country. the difference is notable immediately when you go into a store or business and the staff is helpful and pleasant, unlike some areas of the country where entering a business makes you feel like an intruder.

[/quote]

I have been to Houston on business/recreational travel and oddly enough, had some very 'unfriendly' encounters with people I just met that were very rude to me for no reason at all. These people (mostly girls surprisingly) were in their mid 20s, so that may not be representative of the entire area. I met some very nice people (roughly 40ish) who were very welcoming.


#13

[quote="angelsdefendus, post:6, topic:182181"]
We just moved from DETROIT to ALASKA. I thought that we would NEVER find friends... especially after attending a conservative Catholic law school.

We prayed a lot about it, and threw ourselves into our new parish, and God blessed us with great friends almost instantly. NOw I know this doesnt always happen, but my wife and I know we can sometimes attract the wrong people, because we are so willing to see good in people, that it is a virtue to a fault.

So we told each other that we were going to be determined to find friends and only spend time with those people that held us up and and held values that were the type we found important.

Sure we still hang out with some non-catholics and those that don't fit this description, but the point is being INTENTIONAL about who you hang out with and why. Also finding friends at Church is a good idea, but it doesnt always yield perfect results. PRayer though is your best weapon in this search.

[/quote]

Where in Alaska? You might know some of my family members! :)


#14

Oh well I'm 26 my husband is 28. These people lived below us for a year in the apartments and we all agreed mostly on politics. We never really discussed religious things except that their young daughters had asked them to take them to church. ( as much as I wanted to butt in I didn't on this matter....the never took them by the way) It wasn't a jokign way they tried to get me to go to the strip club. I was more of a shock the way these people reacted when i told them i'm not going. Yes, my husband and I have been going to other things lately to potentially meet other people. I totally agree with whoever it was that says they only really identify with older people. The best friends we had in Oklahoma were 30 years older than us. And many people that we really can hold a decent conversation with are about that age too. I really think the biggest reason is that we are very conservative in every aspect of our lives. Well at least were not alone and it sounds like we are on the right track when it comes to meeting people through activities or classes, etc. Thanks!


#15

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