Mormon Husband


#1

I wasn’t really sure where to put this thread but since it is about family life…here it is.
I have 3 children and have raised them all Catholic. We are very involved in our church. My husband was raised in a very devoutly Mormon house hold. However, in highschool he became inactive. We have been married for 15 years and hasn’t ever been active.He has decided to become active in his church again. I feel devasted. I have always prayed that he would become Christian and desire to learn about the Catholic Church. This isn’t what I expected as an answer to my prayers.

He says that it doesn’t have to change anything, but it changes everything.
I am so upset by this that I went to a counselor…The advise I recieved was disgusting and offended me. I was told that when one spouse is X religion and the other is Y they should choose Z. So basically both of us should deny our faith and pick something else. Apparently, the Christian therapist I chose doesn’t understand the core of Catholic or Mormon beliefs.

I don’t know what I am looking for here…maybe just to share with someone. Prayers would be great too.


#2

Keep praying, your husband may still convert. As for the counseling- I’d stick with a Catholic therapist- one that is obedient to our faith. We can get a lot of bad advice from folks with PHD’s. That’s not to say that there isn’t good advice out there, but when in doubt throw it out, which is what I’d do with plan ‘Z’.

We have an obligation to raise our children Catholic and it sounds like you are on track with that. Keep up the good work.

Your husband may still find the way and for that I am off to pray.

God Bless,


#3

This is obviously very painful for you and I’m sorry that you are going through it. You say that it “changes everything.” But hopefully it does not change the many ways in which he has been a good and loving husband and father (hopefully he has been that).

Try to take a step back and identify what it is that you find most upsetting about the situation. It sounds like your husband has been supportive as you have raised your children in the Catholic church. Are you afraid that he will now try to undermine their Catholic upbringing? Has he been attending Mass with you as a family? Are you afraid that will stop? Involved with other activities at the parish? Try to articulate the specific things that you are afraid will change and talk them through with your husband.

Also, it would be good to talk with your husband about what is prompting this change right now. What does he hope to gain from his renewed involvement in the faith he was raised in? What were his reasons for drifting away in the first place and what are his reasons for wanting to return now? Try to really listen and understand where he is coming from. It might be good to have this conversation before you articulate your fears and concerns.

As for the counsellor’s advice, I think that may work when spouses are both raised in similar Protestant Christian denominations, but I think it is much harder in a situation like this where both your religion and his have fairly well-developed and divergent theology.

Continue to pray for your husband and do not discount the possbility that this may just be one step in a longer spiritual journey. He may feel that he needs to have a more “adult” understanding and appreciation of the religion he fell away from in high school before he can decide where he truly belongs. My prayers for you and your family.


#4

Go talk to a priest.


#5

My husband and I have had our ‘rocky’ times but yes he has been a good and loving husband. He is also and incredible father
My husband hasn’t really been involved with the Catholic Church. He has gone to most major events…baptisms and first communions but that is all.

I have been married to a Mormon for 15 years and we have always dealt with the pressure from the ‘Home Teachers’, the missionaries, the mormon Bishop, etc. They have intermittently come to try to get him to come back and have his family baptized. They don’t seem to understand that we are CATHOLIC and want to stay that way. In fact I had one missionary say that my Church was the Whore of Babylon. Talk about offending me. Also that if I don’t convert my husband can’t go to the celestial Kingdom…basically I am just being selfish and not thinking about my husbands afterlife. I just don’t agree.

Now that he is going back all of the above people and his family are going to renew and intensify their efforts. I am also very concerned with the amount of time his church consumes. I am also very concerned with the mandatory 10% tithe. We don’t have an extra 10% of our budget to give to his Church.

Add to that the fact that we don’t believe that each others religion is the True religon doesn’t help things. Other than those things there are so many other things flying around my brain that I don’t even know how to articulate them.


#6

Hi,

I could be totally wrong, but I see this as a positive sign that your prayers for his conversion are working. He is being drawn closer to God, and is seeking God the way he knows how - through the Mormon tradition of his youth. Jesus said seek and ye shall find, so if he is seeking God with a sincere heart, he will eventually find Him - in the One True Church.

As far as financial support goes - if your husband’s conscience dictates that he tithe to his parish, and if you truly can’t afford to support two parishes, I would say temporarily cease giving to yours and allow your husband to tithe to his. I think you will create goodwill with him by doing this, and that goodwill will help pave the way for his eventual conversion.

I hope this helps. I will pray for you and your family.

Freda


#7

There are a couple people right here at CAF who are going through something similar, in that they converted to Catholicsm from LDS. You might want to search those threads and PM them, seeing how they deal with it.

I also recommend www.exceptionalmarriages.com and catholictherapists.com/, where you will get counseling from somebody who is not just any garden variety of Christian. Both places have therapists whodo phone counseling.

As far as the tithe goes: You couldn’t split it? I would be very insistent that the money you currently give to your parish continue.

I would also be wary of the kids being exposed to home missionaries, et al.

Have you asked him, as somebody else suggested, why the sudden interest?


#8

i would intensify your home instruction in the faith to your children and increase your church activities with them. All of your Catholic foundations could be rocked and tested by what your husband believes or the people that start coming around if he become much more involved. At all cost protect your children.

And lovely express your concern and fears with your husband. Though it may be good that he is in search of God the devil is on high alert and pushing him in the wrong direction!


#9

I appreciate all of your insight. I plan to talk to our priest to see if he knows of a Catholic therapist.
I don’t know exactly what is going on in my husbands head as to why he suddenly renewed his interest in his church. It occurred when his parents came to visit and he went to church with them. He apparently made his way onto the bishops radar and was called in for a meeting. I do not know what went on at the meeting…apparently it is a secret because my hubby is being very closed mouthed about it.
All I know is that the outcome of the meeting has been my husband reading the “miracle of forgiveness”, the book of mormon, and attending sacrament and priesthood meetings every Sunday.
I am just praying daily…saying a rosary daily and hoping that all of you are praying. We will get through this…even if I just have to pretend that life is as normal.
It always bothered me that he wasn’t going to Church on Sundays…and now that he is I wish he weren’t. What does that say about me?
Thanks for everything…you guys are great!
Erin


#10

I’ll pray a rosary for you today, :gopray: MomblessedX3, and remember you in daily prayers. :signofcross:


#11

maybe as he gets more and more involved with his church he will begin to see justhow false it really is and how true the catholic church is. you might want to share with him some apolgetics works against mormonism such as

The God Makers Documentary By Ed Decker:
video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6730898643435353781&q=the+God+Makers&total=1959&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

and the Jesus Christ/Joseph Smith Documentary:

video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4749149421363242834&q=jesus+christ%2F+joseph+smith&total=979&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=1

God Bless You


#12

Just to let you know, Momblessedx3 -
still praying for you and your husband.


#13

I aprreciate the prayers. Please keep them coming.
I still don’t know what to do, but I just keep plugging along one day at a time. Sunday was really difficult because he didn’t have services at his church. It was General Conference and he stayed home and watched it for most of the day on the computer. I bothered me more than I thought it would.
Again…thanks for the prayers.


#14

Obviously you can’t make him convert, but what you can do is hold fast to your faith and stand your ground about you and your kids staying Catholic.

In my opinion, Mormonism is filled with brainwashing, emotional blackmail, lies, and secrecy. (The fact that your hubby didn’t talk about his meeting with the Bishop doesn’t surprise me.) That on top of the fact that the religion itself has no sound doctrinal base and the Book of Mormon is filled with many inconsistencies and isn’t supported by archaelogical evidence.

There is a book titled “Tale of Two Cities: The Catholics and the Mormons” written by an ex-Mormon, now a Catholic priest. I highly recommend it.

www.exmormon.org has some people on there quite hostile towards religion because of their experiences with the Mormon Church, but it still has resources on the many problems with Mormonism.

Prayers!


#15

Thank you.
I will check to see if I can find that book.

I have decided that I am going to lead by example. I plan to be the best Catholic model I can be so that my DH may have his eyes opened that way.

Erin


#16

The miracle of forgiveness is a book designed to help lds members move on from serious spiritual offences. It could be that your husband has been carrying a secret burden for sometime and has never let it go. Releasing that kind of burden would be faith promoting for whomever did it and may be the source of his new activation. Communication is going to be key and it sounds like you two need some together time. Remember there are genuine, good people in the lds church they are just mislead. In there opinion it is a complement when they spend time and energy trying to save your soul. Keep your catholic contacts strong so you have support during this difficult time. How old are your children? and is he still going to be okay with them being raised catholic?


#17

Have you read the Miracle of Forgiveness? I know why my DH is supposed to read it. That is no secret. However, I read the book when he first brought it home and it was scary. The title is more accurate than you’d think. In the LDS church it is a miracle to be forgiven. Did you know that if for example you commit adultery and ask forgiveness…you are forgiven…but if you commit the act of adultery again you aren’t forgiven for your current offense and the forgiveness that was recieved for the previous offense is revoked and you can no longer be forgiven at all. My God is much more merciful and compasionate than that.

My Children are ages 14, 11, and 9. Yes he says that since they have been raised Catholic that should continue…I do worry that the deeper he gets into his church though that that may change.

My DH is a great and wonderful man, in fact his whole family is wonderful…they are all LDS. Just as I know that I will never become LDS I also know that they will never give up the subtle pressure for my whole family to convert to the LDS. I think that is what causes me the most daily fear.

I appreciate your responses. Keep them all coming!!!


#18

I used to love Sundays. It was such a special day. Now I am begining to dread them. My husband has just left for his church. My son was asking him questions about what he does there. I really wanted to jump in and change the subject but I just kept my mouth shut. My son has no interest in going with his father.
This is so hard for me I look at my husband and I love him so much…he would make such a great Catholic.

I don’t have time right now but I had a really vivid dream last night…about his church. I will share it when I get a chance. It gave a new meaning to 'burning in the bosom"

Thanks for letting me ‘vent’


#19

#20

Hi,

I very well may be in your boat in a few years.

When we got married I was a cafeteria Catholic and he was a “Jack” Mormon (inactive). I have grown in my faith, and he has just sort of followed me along. He is not really interested in any particular faith right now in his life. He wants us to go to church on Sundays, but doesn’t really care which church we attend. He promised to raise the kids Catholic and he intends to keep his word.

His family is very Mormon. Our conversion is probably in their prayers every night. :shrug:

I know he could decide to “return.” But, he could decide to be Buddhist one day too, you never know. But given his family’s background, I made sure to study up on both Catholicism AND Mormonism. I know far more about both religions than he does.

My plan of action, should he want to be Mormon again is to joyfully walk that journey of faith with him. Not that I would convert, but I would sincerely roll up my sleeves and say, “Let’s figure this out. Let’s start studying Mormonism, Catholicism, and any other religions you want.” That would give me the opportunity to ask him probing questions, to point out areas where I see faults/differences–all within the context of genuine exploration, without me attacking or dismissing his family’s faith and heritage. I “think” if he really studied LDS beliefs (outside the feel-good confines of the LDS church-sponsered lessons), he wouldn’t return. Then again, that gives him the right to question me about my faith and that’s okay with me.

Side note: I just don’t think my husband will return. He’s never done anything *bad *in his life (a real goody-goody-ha!), but because he left the faith and (gasp!) didn’t go on a mission, I think Mormons assume he “did” something terrible. All he did was choose a different path (& fall in love with me). Having other people’s assumptions over his head, and being passed over for church “promotions” because of nothing, would (and did) really irritate him. I think in the long run, it’ll be hard for your husband to “live down” those choices he made (leaving &, I assume, missing his mission). IMHO Mormonism involves a lot of ranking people (every grown male is either a priest or an elder or a bishop, etc, you go to the top, middle, or bottom heaven, you have a temple marriage for eternity or just a temporal marriage)-- good luck to him trying to get back in the ranks of the “elite.” Just don’t let him turn the frustration he may face towards you or your Catholicism. Let him keep ownership for his decisions regarding his faith.


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