Earlier this afternoon, I read something completely innocent…a quote by Archbishop Fulton Sheen about the pure love between Joseph and Mary. Unfortunately, reading this caused me to have a feeling of arousal, which I know is not sinful in and of itself. I obviously don’t want to think of the Blessed Mother in an impure way, and so I did not. However, then I kept focusing on the physical feeling of arousal that I had. Part of it was worry: “Oh, no, now I may have mortally sinned,” and part of it was the issue of my attention being drawn to the physical feeling of arousal. Obviously there is an innate sense of physical pleasure in arousal, even if you didn’t purposely cause it. So I started worrying that I had mortally sinned by enjoying feelings of arousal, and the more I worried about it, the more aroused I felt. I have been reading and reading to try to find out if this is a sin. What if you are focused on feelings of physical arousal (which are naturally pleasurable), but you are NOT fantasizing about anyone else or desiring to commit an impure act? The best thing, obviously, would have been to realize I did not commit mortal sin in the first place and move on, but by continuing to obsess about the arousal that I had/have, I worry that I have enjoyed forbidden feelings and now committed mortal sin. Is this mortal sin, venial sin, or simply temptation?
If you are scrupulous, then doubts about committing mortal sin means there is no mortal sin.
Also, have you found a spiritual director yet?