I’m a married father of two. For about two or three years, I have felt progressively more and more called to the Diaconate. I have discussed this at length with my wife, and she supports me. I also discussed it with a previous spiritual director (priest), and he supported me completely. But…
I’m still such a terrible sinner. I pray, I regularly receive all the Sacraments that are available to me, I see a spiritual director frequently, but I still fall badly. The sins that I commit are not little white lies or occasional gossip, they’re big ones. Sometimes I can go for months without doing anything too stupid, but other times I get into a funk and it takes me awhile to pull myself out of it. I think I’m doing all the right things, but I thing God wants it to be difficult for me for some reason.
My question is this - and I understand you’re not all spiritual directors - but do you think that a person who still commits mortal sin should avoid becoming a Deacon? I’m afraid that I could do something stupid and create scandal for the Church, which is something that she really doesn’t need right now.
I keep telling myself that if I keep working at it, eventually this will all be behind me and I’ll be ready for the Diaconate. But each year passes, and I seem to be the same old me. Maybe I’m not called to something like this after all? Thank you all for your comments.