Alright, this is me being my scrupulous self… I think–hope… anyway…
I got back from Confession and Mass last evening feeling great about things, and my mother had a pizza in the oven. When it was ready she told me to take it out, which I did, only to have it split in half in my oven-mitted hands and fall back into the oven, practically destroyed. Yeah… I’m an idiot.
Alarmed, I related to my mother what happened, and she yelled at me for being an idiot. Because it was an honest, fluke mistake, I got defensive and argumentative. Feeling hurt – and thus, angry – I criticized my mother for delegating tasks at people all the time and told her that she should do things herself when she wants things done, and that if it wasn’t for this “defect” in her character this would not have happened! I definitely uttered a curse word somewhere in there. When my father came in, and was angry at the pizza situation, I, for some reason, blurted out that my mother had “forced” me to take the pizza out of the oven (untrue), because if I did not heed her command, due to her character, she would have gotten angry at me. Afterward, I sat there stewing in anger at the situation for a little while – basically, because I had just gotten back from Confession, was feeling great, and this just HAD to happen to jeopardize my situation. (Again, I was also feeling hurt over having been “attacked” over an honest, fluke mistake.)
If this helps, I did not really deliberate about anything that I said to my mother. In all honestly, it just kind of came out of me in response to having made a stupid mistake and basically being accused of idiocy over it, which made me feel hurt and angry. Also, it was kind of just like water off a duck’s back to my parents… they seemingly forgot about the whole thing minutes afterward. (This kind of thing is not uncommon in my household.)
Anyway, I would like to receive the Eucharist again today, but I am unclear about whether I am able to or not because of this – from my perspective – unfortunate event.