Well, after a very long and slow death of their relationship, my mother informed me yesterday that she and my stepfather are no longer living together and are even seeing other people.
My stepfather is the one who moved out apparently. He travels a lot for his work anyway. I’m not sure why I feel so upset about the idea of him being gone, we were never really that close. Maybe I’m more upset at the idea of my mom being alone, even though she tells me she’s never been happier and is learning to appreciate herself more and see life for the important things now. Because she’s so happy now and is making God a part of her everyday life we’re now closer than we’ve ever been, which makes me feel kind of guilty, that I could be so glad that they’ve seperated because it means my mom and I are closer. Is it selfish of me to feel that way?
I also worry for my brother to, because I know he was closer to my stepdad than I was and I don’t know if he ever really forgave our biological father for leaving.
That’s another thing, I know it’s not right, but I can’t help but feel resentful toward my father who is now happily remarried with two new kids and living in another state.
How sick is that? I resent him for being happy.
I can’t say I didn’t see this coming though. I’ve been at college for the last year or so and my mom told me they were having problems because she was overworking herself and he was drinking too much because of problems he was having with his buisness. I don’t know if they seperated and then became happier, or if they sort of rediscovered themselves and then realized they weren’t happy together. It’s just hard to take after them being together for over 15 years.
And this didn’t really start to happen until I went to college and started to really find my way and feel like I was figuring out my path in life. I can’t help but wonder, did this have anything to do with me? Did they finally realize they didn’t want to be together once they could both take their minds of me and making sure I was alright? Or did they stay together all that time and force themselves to be unhappy for my sake?
Wow, I’m going on and on :o . I just have so many conflicting emotions, I don’t know what to think or feel. I have no idea where I’m going with this, I guess I just needed to get my thoughts out.
Thank you to anyone who listened.