Ahh yes, the joys of being married and having a mother-in-law - this seems almost like a cliche type of post - but I would like some scriptural/Catholic advice. Here’s the sit:
I married my husband after knowing him since I was 13 years ol - we were great friends and during college it just developed and months later we were engaged - we were married a little less than two years later (I believe in long engagements - I think that some of the “true self” can come out then…I had been engaged before.
Anyway, needless to say, things were strained - my husband had left home and joined the navy in order to get away from said mother (his words not mine). So when we got married years later, things were somewhat chilly, but they were talking some. I came in and tried to “help” (oh no that’s right) - learned quickly that I was blamed for her child (grown man) leaving home. I let my husband decide the rest from then on. I went along and was polite - even sent replies to e-mails and sent Christmas cards, gifts, etc. Turns out the gifts were taken as me “showing off” - in all reality, my family was in a different economic situation than they were - I did what I normally did for any relative and my husband would sign the cards (ladies you know how this can be).
Things stayed at a tolerable level until my husbands brother got engaged/married. They were living right by the relatives and were didn’t. Needless to say, when the new member came into the family, she wanted to know the situation - in confidence, I explained to her my views. Without my knowing, she took this and ran, not walked to mother-in-law. Needless to say, a few months after the wedding, we got a lovely multi paged letter accusing me of everything from amking a pass at my husbands brother and being “that type of woman” to my husband purposefully trying to hurt her by never bringing up the fact that she had beat him during high school when she would get “ticked” off.
When I got the letter, (sent by e-mail to me) I gave it to my husband even though she asked me not to because of him being in a class for advancement where he was at work. I try Not to keep things from my husband. He told me not to reply at all to her that he would - I was allowed to reply to the sister-in-law. His mother was very annoyed that I wouldn’t answer and to make a long story short, the new sister-in-law started telling us that we were adding stress to her life and that we would one day regret our actions. I guess she was referring to us just quitting. We blocked e-mails (the sister-in-law will occaisionally get a new e-mail address and try to e-mail one of us - we may read it but try to ignore it) - we don’t want to have fights - we’re aware that the mother-in-law has some mental problems (and I’m not just saying that - when my husband did e-mail her and ask her about for instance me making a pass at his brother, she said, oh I don’t remember saying that - we must have misunderstood what she said - anyway we don’t talk we don’t send cards we do nothing and honestly, we have much LESS stress in our lives. When I do get an e-mail from sister-in-law she’s wanting to know about us having kids and if we have since we’ve been married over 8 years. I will not tell her because if I was preggers or had kids it would get back to the mother-in-law. I’ve followed my husband’s lead and let him make the decisions - I do feel a twinge of guilt because I feel sorry for her - she blames me for everything that has happened even though I haven’t spoken to her since this happened. I don’t see what good it would do plus my husband has basically told me not to. Am I seriously doing something wrong or should we just be happy with the past few months peace and let it go? As far as kids go if we did have kids I would not feel comfortable with her dealing with them. If something happens we do have someone - kind of an outside family member who has said he’ll let us know if anything serious - and we’ve defined this for him - happens.
I would like some scriptural back up too if you’ve got it. At this point, my husband spends time with my family and my parents look at him as almost one of their own. I really do wish this type of situation was possible with his relations but I just don’t see it happening. Thanks - sorry it’s so long.