Ugghhh! One of my burdens is an overbearing mother-in-law. I could tell stories that would curl you hair about them but basically they make me feel horrible while appearing polite. Okay, here are just a couple: 1.) When we were engaged they sat my husband down privately and told him not to marry me. They said I would disgrace their family name, if he gave it to me. 2.) His mother demanded that at least 50% of the matchbooks I ordered as wedding favors list my husband’s name first “to be fair”. 3.) His parents stop by our house daily unannounced (usually to drop off their newspaper “in case we want to read it”). My own home is not a sanctuary for me. They also call a minimum of 3 times each day. 4.) His mother makes food that I’m allergic to (or never eat by choice) when I come over for dinner, despite the fact that I’ve been coming over for several years now and each time can’t eat the seafood, mushrooms or onions she prepares.
In truth, they have never said a mean word to me, but it has been clearly established that my only value in their eyes is to keep their son happy and give them grandchildren. I also know they think I am overly religious and “intellectually lacking”. (I have a Masters and have held some impressive jobs, but the fact that I’m a practicing Catholic must mean I have some mental defect.) They think I clearly don’t love their son “for who he is” (which is the most important thing in their eyes) when I encourage him to practice his faith, because “I’m trying to change him”. My husband is a momma’s boy and will rarely admit that his mother is overbearing, but never anything more. He thinks that any problems I have with them are my fault.
I know I should grin and bear it and just be nice to his folks – for my husband’s sake, if nothing else. But it is so hard! I’m not outright mean to them, but I don’t want them anywhere near me – I just don’t trust them at all. My husband knows I’m uncomfortable with them and anything involving them has a good chance of causing a fight between us. What can I do?!?
Just today, my husband mentioned that he wanted to loan his parents the car I drive – I got this car before marrying him and it is my only sanctuary from his parents. The thought of them inside my car makes me shutter! I can just see them sneering at my pope windshield clip and Christian CDs/radio stations, thinking rude thoughts when they see the wedding picture I have posted above the passenger windshield, or finding some personal note I jotted to myself and lost under the seat. When I expressed a hesitation to lend them my vehicle (mentioning that I had a day trip planned for Saturday), he got mad and started tearing into how I treat his parents like the plague and how he doesn’t treat my parents that way. (My parents also live in our town, but call and wait to be invited before they visit. They are also satisfied seeing us once every one or two weeks. And, of course, they are my parents, so I’m biased toward them.)
[font=Arial]Sorry this is long as rambling, but I’m freshly frustrated. What can/should I do when I don’t want these people anywhere near me, but my husband is a momma’s boy and offended by my discomfort with them?[/font]