Mother's Day for an absent MIL


Hubby and I have been married for almost 4 years now and dating for about that long. I still struggle with how to handle Mother’s Day for his mother, who has been pretty absent in his life (his dad did most of the raising of him) and even borderline abusive in the time he did live with her as a small child.

I have felt the desire to at least do something small for her since she did bring him into the world, but he is more resistant. Plus, add in the fact that most cards are super lovey dovey. (I looked for a card for about 30 minutes today.)

Any thoughts/suggestions?


He’s a big boy. If he wants to get a card for her, he will. I don’t think you should try to pick one out on his behalf.

I guess I don’t understand what your “struggle” is?


I agree with 1ke. Mother’s Day is not an obligation at all. If your MIL was borderline abusive and absent, then I don’t really think she should be recognized if your husband doesn’t want to do so. Although I understand your thinking, it really should be up to your hubby. It may upset him if you keep bringing it up, too! Maybe send one to his dad who did all the parenting—it sounds like he was a “mom” and dad!

BTW, I LOVE your Mother Theresa quote. Congrats on the new little coming your way. Perhaps that’s why you’re a little sensitive about this issue?:slight_smile:


If you really feel the need to do something for her, have a Mass said for her- but don’t tell her or send her a Mass card.

Otherwise, I think the best thing to do is let your husband take care of his mother. His mother will come to expect you to take care of it every year until she dies, and your husband will expect you to do it, too.


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