Must I explain why I can't go to the party?


My non-Catholic friends wanted me to go to a few frat parties with them tonight. I declined because the parties are an extreme occasion of sin for me. Especially witnessing certain dances and running into people who know me as a holy Catholic gentleman who surely wouldn’t go to obsence parties like these. In my case, parties such as these are a guaranteed precursor to grave sin. (Not to mention the scandal of me among so many underage drinkers, even if I’m completely sober). I did not feel comfortable explaining any of this to them, because I knew they wouldn’t understand what I was talking about. I ended up repeating to them that I “did not like the party scene” and “didn’t feel comfortable going to parties like this”. They said all they wanted to do was hang out with me at the parties, but I couldn’t risk this. After 15 minutes of their begging, I did not change my mind and they went on their way. Am I alone and not giving too much detail?


A polite no thank you is all that is demanded by etiquette. Note their selfish orientation: “all they wanted to do” without regard for what you wanted to do.


I guess you did the right thing,better to be safe than sorry,
You could suggest if they want to hang out, why not go ten pin bowling,
Of maybe a burger place for a burger ,l or maybe some outdoor activity ,
They obviously care about you ,


I have found that the Deceiver often uses others as his agents who try their utmost to bring the follower of Christ into a position where he’s able to lose his way in a spiritual sense. They don’t do it knowingly, I suppose, but nonetheless this is what is happening.

I’m sure there is a chapter for this sort of thing in the Screwtape Letters.


You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just say, “No thanks” and leave it at that.


“No” is an appropriate answer. No further explanation is necessary


Exactly. “No, thank you” is a complete sentence. But it may have to be repeated.


I don’t think they had any ill intent. It sounds like they like you and want to connect with you in friendship the only way they know how. Pray for them and find wholesome activities where you can hang out. You can through the love of Christ have a profound influence on them. Keep in mind that the world not only tells them their activities are not wrong, it practically blares out that they are “supposed to” act like they do at parties.


One of the best things I ever read:

“Give people your decisions, not your reasons. They can argue with your reasons but not with your decisions”.


Them: “Come to the frat party with us”

You: “No thank you.”

Them: “Why not? We just want to hang out with you at a party!”

You: “I’m afraid I can’t”

Them: “Come on!”

You: “No thank you”

Repeat as often as needed.

I’m a little concerned at the their insistence that you go to a frat party when they know your religious and lifestyle beliefs. Are these good friends that you know well? I’m only asking because there is the possibility that they were trying to set you up for something that could be detrimental to your health or reputation. Especially nowadays with cell phone cameras and social media.




I am also very conscientious when it comes to being honest.
I do believe so that being honest is not the same as telling everybody everything. There are things that are private.
I find “for personal reasons” a good way to put it if somebody asks.
People should accept that we have our personal reasons for things we do or don’t do.

In any case, good for you that you stayed firm!! It is MUCH more important that you stay away from something that you know is bad for you (even know will lead you to grave sin!!!) than what your friends think of you, (if they indeed are friends. Iif they are real friends, they must accept you without you coming to such parties and without explaining to them why. If theyx don’t accept, the question would be, are they friends?)
maybe that is a good question anyway, are they the right people for you to hang out with?


Hi SplendidSt,

Well done! You avoided the near occasion of sin and made a good decision. Furthermore, you stuck to your guns so (hopefully) your “friends” will be less pushy next time. I think you made the right call by not going into more detail. Firstly, it’s not necessary and secondly, they wouldn’t understand anyway. Don’t cast pearls before swine, as the Lord says.

So, no, I don’t think you have to go into more details. I think you handled the situation perfectly. Although, I’d consider finding better friends that don’t push you into those sort of situations. Spend more time with good Catholic circles or people who just plain don’t like to party.

Also - if your “friends” continue to push you, you can take a stronger stand and say something to the effect of “Look, I’m not into the party scene, and I don’t like to go. Do we have to go through this every time? If you can’t just accept it and leave me be on this, maybe we should stop hanging out, because I need friends that respect my decisions.” Hopefully that’ll make the message clear.

Peace and God bless!


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