My Addiction, Please Pray and Help Me

Hi, I have struggled with pornography since I was of a young age, below the age of 10. I am now an 18 year old and am absolutely sickened with myself every time I give into the temptation of pornography and being impure with myself. I have wanted to quit for many years and have never been able to. I believe the longest I was able to stop was for about two months (I did it for a girl I liked).

At the time when I was little I knew something was wrong every time I viewed pornography and was being impure with myself. I knew it was something I should not be doing, but I kept on doing it. Later on in life I had learned what it exactly it was that I was doing, which was watching pornography and being impure.
I have gone to confession a numerous amount of times to confess what I have done, but then I would cave into temptation again. I feel like I have failed God and my family. I am a Catholic who wishes to grow closer to his faith, but how can I do so if I can not put an end to this addiction?

I feel as if I have betrayed God and my family over and over again when I commit these sins. I feel like I have taken advantage of Gods mercy because after I commit these sins I pray for forgiveness, then afterwards the same thought would come to my head “God will always forgive me”, almost as if I found a “loop hole” saying “I can keep watching porn and be impure all I want, God will forgive me”. That is not how I want to think, I want to be closer to God and I want to quit this addiction for good.

When I think about my future I want to have a wife with kids, but how can I be a loving father and husband if I continue on with this addiction? I don’t want a wife for the pleasures of sex. I want a wife as a life long companion, who will always be there for me and I the same. Someone who I can start a family with. When I think about sex, I realize I don’t want sex or crave it, so then why do I continue committing these heinous acts?
I have had much time to reflect as to why I continue to watch pornography. I believe the main reasons are: Boredom and Loneliness. I was able to stop for two weeks, but caved in 3 days ago. My mother told me she was going to be gone for most of the day (the following day). A thought had entered my head thinking “but I don’t want to be alone for a day” So as I sat in the living room by myself (so my mother could rest for her big day) I began to surf the web, slowly tempting myself into watching pornography, then it happened, I caved. I caved again today, alone in the house.

Sometimes I feel as if I am destined to go to hell, I just want to give up and feel like I’m dying inside ( I don’t like thinking like this), but I know better, I know I need to fight this addiction. I pray to God that he may lend me his strength and forgive me. I have talked to my mother about my addiction a few times. Every time I break into tears, She always tells me: Nobody is perfect, We all have our struggles, You were just curious, God knows who you are and He forgives He will always be there, He will judge you for the good you have done in this world. I understand God is forgiving, merciful, and ever loving, but sometimes I wonder how can God forgive/love me, after all the hurt I’ve done physically and spiritually? I feel unworthy.I love God and always will and I wish not to feel this way (feel about the unworthy part, which in turn makes me feel worse).

I don’t know what to do anymore. To add on my deepest fear is that I won’t be able to enter the gates of heaven, due to this addiction. I want to go heaven so I may worship and be with God and my family( Life without them just isn’t living at all, they are why I still keep living/going). The thought of going to hell breaks my heart and puts me into tears every time I think about it. Every time I pray to God about my addiction I always break into tears. At this point in my life I don’t know what to do anymore, I pray and will be going to Confession this week. I understand we all make mistakes and that perhaps this is my crucible (one of many). But I have made so many sins in my youth, some habits I have been able to conquer and break free. Others like being impure and addicted to pornography I haven’t, yet. Not only do I feel as if I am ungrateful for the life I have been given (which makes me feel even worse), but that I am also hurting God and my family. Please help :(.

Thank you for taking time to read this letter.

angelicwarfareconfraternity.org/resources/prayers/

First, try to recognize that you are not the only one in this situation. Sins of impurity are probably the most common sin for men and maybe even for women. You know that every time you go to confession the sins you confessed have been forgiven, so don’t beat yourself up about the past. That is over and done with. Focus on the present.

You should be going to confession once a week, preferably right before mass. This will depend on the parish confession times where you live. Where I live, they offer confessions right before the Saturday evening Mass. Confession is a great healing for sin through God’s grace. Then Mass afterwards in a state of grace provides even further healing.

You should also install a filter on your computer that blocks pornography. I use K9 Web Protection. It’s a free program you can download. During setup you put in a long, random password that you don’t have memorized and make sure to write the password down. Then give that paper with the password to someone you trust who can hold it for safekeeping. In the first few weeks of using the program, there might be some safe websites you need unlocked for school or work. That’s when you have that person come verify that the site is good. They can use the password you gave them to change the settings.

There are other options besides K9 that cost money. One option I’ve heard a lot about is CovenantEyes. It filters pornography like K9, but you can put in an email of an accountability partner. Each week they get an email with a list of the websites you visited. CovenantEyes has a monthly fee though. In general, it is good to have an accountability partner. This is person that you really trust. A close friend or family member. It might be embarrassing, but maybe your mother if she’s a strong, practicing Catholic.

I could write a lot more, but it takes baby steps to recover from an addiction. Use the sacraments regularly (confession, Mass), and block the pornography. Then see what you can do. You will make some immediate progress in the first month. You may have trouble sleeping some nights, but remember that the sufferings in this life can be offered up to God for yourself or others (look up “Redemptive Suffering”). Finally, I pray every night for all who are suffering with impurity and temptation. For this week, I will also pray for you “TriArc” specifically. Feel free to ask more questions here or in a private message.

The effects of original sin affect us all. The leaning towards the physical pleasures of sex is one of them. We must remember that Jesus came to redeem us from these effects and sin. the way He did it was to give His life for the ransom of our souls. He and He alone can rescue us from any addiction to sinful acts. You must remember Satan and evil spirits ( fallen angels) are always tempting us to sin. This sin of physical pleasure may be called by Jesus,the effects of an unclean spirit. Satan can not make you fall without your consent, but what chance have you without the grace of God, this is one of the strongest holds he has on humanity. Being alone, not given to wholesome activity, maybe not even prayer, and already being addictive to a bad habit are tremendous obstacles to overcome, especially without a close relationship with Jesus Christ. Even counselors can not cure you, although they may advise you about steps you can take. You must ask Jesus to redeem you from this affliction, that’s one of the reasons He came to us. You must believe this. Idle hands make for the devil’s work shop, he is always suggesting ways to sin, especially when he knows your weaknesses. Determine to go to confession, no matter how embarrassing it may be. Keep turning the Christ, even cry if you have to. He won’t fail you. Wholesome beneficial distraction is necessary. Avoid loneliness as much as possible, and if you can’t, find work, a hobby, a sport. Associate with good friends, help out in parish activities, do something good for others, use your imagination, and avoid sadness, and low-esteem. Jesus wants your cure more than you do. Keep making the effort and keep fighting discouragement. Co-operate with the grace of God. My prayers are with you and all those that have similar problems. You are fighting a spiritual battle as well as a physical one.

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom to overcome your temptations.

fifthmariandogma.podbean.com/e/rosary-scapular-and-marian-consecration/

Praying for you, may you see the light of Christ and break through of your addicition.

Once I was where you are now and my addiction lasted about thirty years. I even left the Church and became promiscuous. Pray to God to show you the Way every day, through the merits of Jesus Christ; and, ask that His Will be done in your life. His Will is that you be saved, so you should trust in Him.

It’s good that your conscience still bothers you. That means that Jesus is looking for you as he would for that one lost sheep in the parable.

If you need further advice or assistance, feel free to drop me an IM.

God bless you,

I have fallen again :imsorry::bighanky::takethat: I decided to join a group online that I can check in with hopefully, depending whether or not I am approved. I almost made it a week, for the second time in a row. I’m kind of in a hard situation at the moment as far as loneliness and boredom comes, since my mother works and I’m alone at the house (currently working on my license). I’m going to have a talk with my mom and see if it’s alright if I can come to her work now and then (volunteer), I have done so before and was thinking about going to school with her today, but I decided to stay home and tidy up the house a bit. I try to stay active around the house, but once I sit down and get that evil thought in my head It happens. I also don’t think it is helping that I’m battling a form of depression/slump either. However,the past two weeks have been much better then the past few months in terms of dealing with this addiction(s). Once my mother gets home I’m going to install the K-9 blocker and have her come up with the password. Do any of you have suggestions when it comes to mobile devices (phone)? Thank you all for your prayers.

A little background: At a younger age I was exposed to pornography (later followed by being impure), out of curiosity. Sadly it has become an addiction, which I am now trying to free myself of with the help of prayer, church, and family. I am 18 and the fight has been a struggle for many years. I believe I am getting better although I have fallen today. I have fallen twice within the past two weeks-ish, which is a lot better compared to a few months back (I’m hoping to go to confession within the next few days), perhaps even years. (Talking about this makes me sick to my stomach)

My question is due to this addiction when I look at a woman I have the tendency of looking at her chest and/or butt :imsorry:, almost as if I can’t help it, once I realize what I am doing I look away. Am I just curious? Are my hormones getting the best of me? I use to have sick fantasies, as of now I am able to stop thinking/having those fantasies, I believe. Now my principles of when it comes to a girl and sex is that: I don’t care about the sex (I’m not sex craved), When I think of my future I pray to find the right girl who has a strong passion for the Church and God, I pray that we will have a good career(s) and family, I pray that she may understand me and vice versa. I am trying to become a more faithful, loving, informed, and well the list goes on catholic. Please pray for me that I may find the right girl and put an end to my evil addiction(s). :signofcross: God bless.

You may have to confess the root sin of why you are commiting it, desire to sin in an impre way?

Meditate on all the advantages of purity

And all the disadvantages of impurity.

You have to align your opinion on the above two with God’s Truth about them. Pure people have God’s peace, love and joy, His blessing, His grace, He answers their prayers, He works miracles for them, don’t you want this?

Impure people who break the commandment have guilt, shame, evil thoughts, conscience, no peace; no joy, lack of Godly love of themselves and others because of this sin, possible demonic oppression, terrible temptations, wounded bodies set aflame with thoughts and desires that they detest, can end up in hell if unconfessed or unrepented before they die, cannot receive Our Lord Himself in Communion, and are living cut off from God in mortal sin. Living in a state of hell nearly with all these punishments from God.
God did say to Moses in the Bible to tell the Israelites about the commandments, ‘I am offering you a blessing or a curse. A blessing if you should keep the commandments. A curse if you should break them.’ You do not want to be under God’s curse and in satan’s hands. Satan is not even rewarding to his own followers, he tempted Judas to kill himself and end up in eternal punishment forever. Satan will not give you any good out of this sin. Satan will even make you feel guilty about doing this sin, while tempting you worse, and try to lead you to worse mortal sins and to hell if he can.
Keep in mind The benefits of God and pains of sinning in mortal sin for satan.

Hello Friend,
You are right to seek deliverance from this, you are not the right track.
You have to confess every time you slip to a priest. And just say no to sin . And pray each day what your life allows you time to pray.

Avoid all things impure images or behaviour

Pornography is a mortal sin. If you die without having confessed or repented you end up in hell. In mortal sin you cannot receive communion, are not in a state of grace, are outside of God’s specific grace and protection.
Moses was told by God to tell the Israelites, ‘I am offering you a curse and a blessing. A blessing if you should keep my commandments. A curse if you should break them.’

Jesus said, ‘Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’ Commandment: ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery.’ Mortal sin.
Mortal sin damages your conscience, your spiritual defence to sin, your dispositions, your body and mind are effected too because they get a taste for what is wrong

When tempted;

Prayer to say:
Banishing specific bad spirits from tempting you: say:
'in the Name of Jesus Christ and by the merits of His precious blood, I banish all evil spirits, and all their companions, and especially the spirits of lust , impurity, masturbation, pornography, sinful thoughts, sinful imaginings, self abuse, unforgiveness, despair, hopelessness, negativity, seeking pleasure in sin, temptation, unforgiveness, rejection, jealousy, envy, … (Any evil spirits you would like to name) and command them all in the Name of Jesus to go directly to the presence of The Lord Jesus Christ in the nearest Blessed Sacrament of the Altar, without returning, and without any harm, manifestation or revenge on myself,y family, relatives, friends, or associates, or our places, possessions and sources of supply, where the Good Lord Jesus will dispose of them according to His good and Holy wishes.

Mini prayer: ‘In the Name of Jesus Christ be gone evil spirit of lust and … I will not bear fellowship with you in the Name of Jesus.’

Wear a blessed St Benedict medal, or miraculous medal, or brown scapular. Carry a blessed rosary in your pocket wherever you go.
Satan hates blessed items. Have a blessed statue of our Lady and cross of Our Lord in your room.
You can safely light a blessed candle in a safe place while you are around near it (as a prayer to give you purity and keep lust far from you. Be careful of it setting things on fire, I’m worried about candles.)

Say a prayer like the rosary or divine mercy each day. The rosary takes 15 minutes. The divine mercy takes 4 minutes (and is a powerful deliverance prayer. Tell God exactly what you want Him to remove and to give you.

Ask the Holy Spirit into each day. One of his gifts is purity, celibacy, chastity, innocence,

Our Lady, St Michael, and the Holy Spirit will help you powefully

You must become like a child again, children have perfect carefree joy, because they are completely pure and ignorant of the worlds ways of impurity. ‘unless you become like a child you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven.’ Remember the joyful peaceful innocence you had as a child without such temptations? God wants that for you always.

Do not have any part with impure things:
I myself do not :
go to nightclubs or house party’s, I do not listen to modern music that had impure explicit words about impurity, or watch those music videos where everyone is scantily dressed, I look up a parental review of a film before going to cinema (and if there are explicit impure scenes or language I do not go to the film), I do not go to musicals or dramas if there is impurity, do not talk impurely or listen to or tell impure jokes, do not look at others deliberately who are dressed badly (mini skirts or whatever)

Impurity is a grave mortal sin . If you avoid all the above your heart and soul are free from impurity. And your mind and body will be also because impurity has not had an occasion to tempt you.

I suffer from the same and often fall. It’s difficult not to in this modern world. Continue to pray and change your actions. Your will is like a muscle, you need to exercise it. It’s particularly difficult to avoid the lustful thoughts when in public (especially if you live in a city). Sadly, unless you never leave your house, these kind of temptations are impossible to avoid. I like to meditate on the agony in the garden. Jesus suffered while His apostles fell prey to their physical desires, in this case sleep. They were all avoiding their coming and present sadness, while Christ confronted His and overcome it .It sounds like you have woken in the garden and confronted these sins, now it is time to carry them in the form of a cross. Sadly when we fall, it is difficult to get back up. This is why we feel so filthy when we fall. We are covered in the mud of sin. But confess, pray, and try to overcome these temptations, and you will overcome them eventually. Let Christ help carry your cross and brush of the dirt of sin. He has often helped carry mine and made me clean, even after all the times I’ve failed Him. I like to think of the value of a pure mind and will. It must be Heaven on earth to see another person and love them exactly as they are, rather than to see a twisted version concocted by our lusts. We are fallen. With prayer and fortitude, He will help us reach this purity of peace and love.

I hope you don’t mind if I share with you some things that I believe may help.

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:blessyou:
When I fall, I feel as if there is no hope, as if I’m no longer in reality for a moment. I often become, almost someone else, I feel as if I’m not worthy of the life I have been given. I feel like it’s me against the world, even though I know that is not true. Thank you for your loving post for it brought me back into reality and to our Lord. Thank you.

And the following I believe is helpful for those who may be tempted into thinking about ‘giving up’ with their struggles against sin.

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And I would just like to end with the following -

I hope this has helped

God Bless you

Thank you for reading
Josh

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