My best friend's funeral is tomorrow


#1

My best friend who is a 94 year old priest passed away a couple of days ago.

The visitation was in the church and after there were some readings and a homoly. Their funeral is tomorrow.

I try hard to be polite on the outside but on the inside I am SO angry. I know it is a part of grief but I just don't like it. I also get very possessive and jealous when others go to see the body.

For the past 9 months he was bed ridden and fed by a tube. I went to see him every day for the first 3 months since he was in a hospital down the street from where I live. But when he went to a nursing home at the other end of town, it was not as easy. I promised to go see him once a week and I kept my commitment. I am proud and gratefull that I did.

Yet, I am still hurt. Since I am a friend and not family, I had no say in the funeral arragements. I asked if I could close the coffin and I was told no. Again, I am trying to be polite on the outside but on the inside, I am hurt that I do not have any special place.

He was a great man and everyone will attest to that. Yet when he was in the hospital/nursing home, very few people visited him on a regualr basis. And to a lot of people he was a good priest. To me, he was my best friend. Most of the people at the visitation this evening showed up with their spouse/friends/siblings/children.

I showed up alone. And all these other people still have their spouse/friends/siblings/children and I do not have my best friend.

I know that 12 years ago, I never would have dreamed God would have blessed me with such a good friend. I even remember meeting him and thinking 'This 82 year old man won't be around much longer.' I never would have believed he would have touch my life the way he did. So I know from experience that God puts people in our lives when we least expect it.

But still..... I am scared. I have no idea what method God will use to comfort me in the future. And right now, I am struggling with the fact that I just lost a big security in my life

My dad died exactly 8 weeks before my friend. And again, I am thankful to God because my friend did more for me when my dad died than my dad could have done had my friend died first.

Nonetheless, I am VERY angry. Please pray that God heals my anger. I don't want it

CM


#2

I'm sorry about the loss of your priest and friend. I can imagine it hurts very much to lose such a friend. The best advice I can offer is: 1 to continue to follow whatever lessons advice he gave you. 2 Cherish and enjoy your memories with him because there's nothing that can those away from you. 3 Pray often... The more time you spend in prayer, the less time you have to be angry. :)


#3

Hey, your where there when it counted. You have that satisfaction. Most are trying to reconcile and catch up in there grief, but they will never have what you have. Be at peace with that. I'm sure he is eternaly grateful for your friendship.


#4

[quote="cmscms, post:1, topic:246550"]
I know that 12 years ago,** I never would have dreamed God would have blessed me with such a good friend**. I even remember meeting him and thinking 'This 82 year old man won't be around much longer.' I never would have believed he would have touch my life the way he did. So I know from experience that God puts people in our lives when we least expect it.

But still..... I am scared. ** I have no idea what method God will use to comfort me in the future.** And right now, I am struggling with the fact that I just lost a big security in my life.

[/quote]

I think you have the answer. :) I'm sorry for your loss, and at the same time grateful to hear about such a great person being there, and your having such a good friend. I've said a prayer for his soul and for you.


#5

I'm very sorry for your loss. And i can relate to you. When my 16 year old childhood friend died her parents burried her without letting anyone know. None of us(her friends) were invited and more then this i heard that the mother resented us for being alive.

The idea made me angry in the begining however i understood later that pain makes us behave stupid or strange. Now i feel sorry for that mother and somehow understand her.

I would have liked to have a special place also in her funeral but people didn't even seem to understand. They said she was only your friend, she was not your family. I don't think tthis should matter as long as you love somebody.

However i know i was there when my friend was sick, that i visited her grave after the funeral and that comforts me.

Please don't feel angry anymore. Pray and do the most you can.


#6

Dear cmscms,

I will certainly pray for you. Please use our sacraments even more right now, confession and adoration and the Holy Eucharist. Christ will comfort you. You have had a lot to deal with and none of it has been easy.

I am so sorry that your dear friend's family shut you out of his funeral preparations and even something like helping to close the coffin. People who are grieving make all sorts of decisions that seem right in the moment, but are hurtful to others, and they don't even recognize it at the time. Later on, they may see more clearly, or they may not.

But the important thing is that you were there for your best friend while he was still alive, and YOU and God know the place he held in your life. Is some of your distress because God took him from you during a difficult time (after your father's death and family turmoil)? Just surrender that to Him, He understands.

Pray the Rosary, in front of a crucifix. Just looking at the sacrifice of the cross puts everything into perspective for me. And what a blessing that you knew this holy man! To be best friends with a priest! How wonderful is that?

I will pray for you, dear one.


#7

[quote="cristyd, post:5, topic:246550"]
I'm very sorry for your loss. And i can relate to you. When my 16 year old childhood friend died her parents burried her without letting anyone know. None of us(her friends) were invited and more then this i heard that the mother resented us for being alive.
.

[/quote]

I am so sorry you had to go through that. Even though now you understand her mom was in pain, as a teenager that must have been so traumatic.

To everyone else, thank you for your kind responses. I feel vain saying this but I am very proud of myself for all the time I did spend with him. I know he is in a better place. Deep down I am hoping one day he will be canonized. Who knows what mirables he will work

CM


#8

I'm so sorry. Yes, I think both the anger and the fear are part of your grief. Totally normal.

Having said that, let me tell you a story. Our pastor has been very good to me, a real life-saver. But I have found that whenever he could not be there for me on a day when I thought I really needed him, God provided someone else. One day, I asked if he had a few minutes after Mass, but he had to literally rush off that minute. Not an hour later, I got a call from a friend from out of town, also a priest, who happened to be in town that morning. He wanted to know if I could go for coffee with him.

You see? It is not your friend who has taken care of you so much as it is God who takes care of you in your friends and takes care of your friends by sending you. God will not leave you an orphan. Ask, and you will receive....not the same friend back, but the next friend that God will choose for you. So far, God's track record has been pretty good, yes? So trust God to choose for you again, and to comfort you through this loss.

You have supported your friend in these last years of his life--and 12 years is a very long time!--and that was a great gift of yours. His family, though, has been making a gift of their brother and uncle for decades. They have been supporting him throughout his priesthood. They could not possibly consult the opinions of all the people who have supported him in his need for even a decade or two here and there along the way. After all, some are undoubtedly younger priests, who could not possibly visit as often as you did, or who are in different states or even foreign countries, friends who have died, and other friends who were themselves taken by the toll of old age, all unable to come, yet they were there for him when the Lord chose to have them there. In the last years, when these other friends could not be there for your friend, the Lord chose you. According to the Lord's promise, there could be dozens, even hundreds, like you! None of you will go without your reward, not even the ones who gave so much as a cup of cold water.

Peter began to say to him, "We have given up everything and followed you." Jesus said, "Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the gospel who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come. Mark 10:28-30

"Whoever receives you receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me. Whoever receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet's reward, and whoever receives a righteous man because he is righteous will receive a righteous man's reward. And whoever gives only a cup of cold water to one of these little ones to drink because he is a disciple--amen, I say to you, he will surely not lose his reward." *Matt. 10: 40-42*


#9

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