My best friend who is a 94 year old priest passed away a couple of days ago.
The visitation was in the church and after there were some readings and a homoly. Their funeral is tomorrow.
I try hard to be polite on the outside but on the inside I am SO angry. I know it is a part of grief but I just don't like it. I also get very possessive and jealous when others go to see the body.
For the past 9 months he was bed ridden and fed by a tube. I went to see him every day for the first 3 months since he was in a hospital down the street from where I live. But when he went to a nursing home at the other end of town, it was not as easy. I promised to go see him once a week and I kept my commitment. I am proud and gratefull that I did.
Yet, I am still hurt. Since I am a friend and not family, I had no say in the funeral arragements. I asked if I could close the coffin and I was told no. Again, I am trying to be polite on the outside but on the inside, I am hurt that I do not have any special place.
He was a great man and everyone will attest to that. Yet when he was in the hospital/nursing home, very few people visited him on a regualr basis. And to a lot of people he was a good priest. To me, he was my best friend. Most of the people at the visitation this evening showed up with their spouse/friends/siblings/children.
I showed up alone. And all these other people still have their spouse/friends/siblings/children and I do not have my best friend.
I know that 12 years ago, I never would have dreamed God would have blessed me with such a good friend. I even remember meeting him and thinking 'This 82 year old man won't be around much longer.' I never would have believed he would have touch my life the way he did. So I know from experience that God puts people in our lives when we least expect it.
But still..... I am scared. I have no idea what method God will use to comfort me in the future. And right now, I am struggling with the fact that I just lost a big security in my life
My dad died exactly 8 weeks before my friend. And again, I am thankful to God because my friend did more for me when my dad died than my dad could have done had my friend died first.
Nonetheless, I am VERY angry. Please pray that God heals my anger. I don't want it