My very close friend wants to meet about clearing the air between us about the relationship between our sons. Her son is a young 17 and mine is 13 1/2. When they were younger, they didn’t get along at all. The first visit we had, her son picked a fight with mine (he was nine, mine was 6). and my kid threw rocks at him.
During those younger years, I thought he sort of bullied my kid around. And, I could tell she thought my kid was provoking her son.
But for the last couple of years, they haven’t really interacted. Her son has moved into the teen years with teen activities and jobs and high school. And, my son is still pretty much a “kid.” My son doesn’t really have a bad opinion of this this teen–ds actually thinks that this teen is pretty cool–good with computers and smart.
This weekend I made an imprudent decision. I was well intentioned, but it backfired on me. My 13 year old told me that this teen and the teen he was driving with were racing in their cars. My son wasn’t tattling. He thought it was cool. I told the two moms what he had said, but also I cautioned them that my 13 year old was easily impressioned, so it might be nothing more than just talk.
It turns out he did exaggerate. And, I way over estimated my friends’ reactions. They were very upset about any kind of car misbehavior. When I saw their reactions, I asked them not to reveal my son as the source, but sure enough it came out.
So, now my friend wants to clear the air about our sons’ relationship. I can tell from her email that her son is very vocal about not liking my kid even though I thought all that “stuff” was just a childhood thing that was over.
I’m not really sure what to say to her. Truthfully, I think there is a very big difference between a 13 year old and a 17 year old. And, if her son has a problem with my kid, he should just take a leadership role by just being polite. My kid doesn’t dislike this kid at all.
Also, I really just don’t like this teen anyway. I’m a little nervous about having any kind of conversation about him with my very close friend. And, my friend is really defensive about her son. I’m afraid if I say anything negative about her son, it will become a worse situation.
And, I feel defensive about telling them. One of my best friends who has older teens has told me (in the past) she never passes information that her children tell her about about other kids because it can either inhibit her kids from being open with her, or her kids can get reprecussions from their friends for tattling. At the time, I was so hard on her. Now, I see her point.
Just looking for some perspective. I’m in a rather nervous twitter about the whole thing.