My bisexuality is really beginning to ruin my life


#1

I would really appreciate some help on this, because I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t do something.

I began with bisexual feelings when I was 15 and eventually ‘came out’ at 20. Now all throughout this, I have felt nothing more than guilt, not happiness. I thought at first this may have something to do with me hiding my feelings away, of not just admitting I was having these thoughts.

But right now these same thoughts are STILL making me intensely miserable. I tried embracing them and even for a time was in a relationship with another woman, but this still didn’t seem to do anything. All that seemed to do was make my depression worse.

And now I’m completely feeling abandoned, and these feelings won’t leave me alone. I’m completely confused as to what I should do. I thought I would be happy as an openly bisexual woman, but the answer is that it’s only serving to make me terribly unhappy. It’s now impacting on pretty much my entire life, including how I relate to even my own family.

I feel like I’m going to explode. I’m angry, miserable and need some help.

Anyone know what I should do?


#2

I'm so sorry your struggling.

As a heterosexual male, I really can't offer any advice, except that I'll pray for you, and yoru a child of God, like all of us.

Prayers your way.


#3

You need good, long term counseling. I think you may be more confused about your sexuality than anything, and you might even have some sexual abuse in your past that is making things worse. A good counselor will help you sort things out and get you on the road to a happier life. You may have to try more than one, but don't give up unitl you find one that really helps you. :console:


#4

[quote="Catholic1954, post:3, topic:253520"]
You need good, long term counseling. I think you may be more confused about your sexuality than anything, and you might even have some sexual abuse in your past that is making things worse. A good counselor will help you sort things out and get you on the road to a happier life. You may have to try more than one, but don't give up unitl you find one that really helps you. :console:

[/quote]

You're bang on with regards to doubts over my sexuality: I've been finding myself falling into not just a bisexual lifestyle but also serious thoughts I could be transexual. In fact, I'm convinced my bisexuality is related to these transexual thoughts.


#5

[quote="Kouyate42, post:1, topic:253520"]
I would really appreciate some help on this, because I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't do something.

I began with bisexual feelings when I was 15 and eventually 'came out' at 20. Now all throughout this, I have felt nothing more than guilt, not happiness. I thought at first this may have something to do with me hiding my feelings away, of not just admitting I was having these thoughts.

But right now these same thoughts are STILL making me intensely miserable. I tried embracing them and even for a time was in a relationship with another woman, but this still didn't seem to do anything. All that seemed to do was make my depression worse.

And now I'm completely feeling abandoned, and these feelings won't leave me alone. I'm completely confused as to what I should do. I thought I would be happy as an openly bisexual woman, but the answer is that it's only serving to make me terribly unhappy. It's now impacting on pretty much my entire life, including how I relate to even my own family.

I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm angry, miserable and need some help.

Anyone know what I should do?

[/quote]

Happy you decided to reach out and to share some of the turmoil you are going through right now. We have all felt confusion in our lives at one time or another for one reason or another and others can be most insightful at times like these. **We look forward to having you with us** and to** your particiaption** in the** Forums,** Kouyate, Catholic Answers (on the whole) is a friendly place and there are tremendous resources here for you. There are also many** Groups** that have formed here and you may find several of these helpful to you.
God Bless You, Kouyate.
This site* may*** be helpful to you as well!! There are many excellent articles and studies in here and the folks are qualified in the area of sexuality.... [/FONT]http://narth.com/:bluelite:


#6

Thank you Catherine S. That link is pretty useful. I will bookmark it.


#7

For years I've struggled with my attraction to women. I've never 'come out' as it were, I've never told a single soul outside of internet forums. Only recently did I even admit to myself that I am bisexual. The idea of 'coming out' seems both relieving and terrifying. On the one hand I don't want to have to hide it forever, but on the other hand I don't want the questions as to why I won't allow myself to ever be with another woman.

I think part of the problem is that once you're 'out', people expect different things from you. People expect you to be with other women and to embrace the 'lifestyle'. I feel people find it very difficult to accept the idea of someone bisexual or homosexual refusing to engage in homosexual sex. They see it as a betrayal of yourself. The problem with this is that people tend to define you by your sexuality if you are not heterosexual. They see you as not a bisexual person, but as a bisexual. Sexuality becomes the entire identity, which it shouldn't be.

Obviously I can't know how you see your sexuality, but the first step is to make sure you're not letting your sexuality define who you are. You are not just a bisexual, there is always more to a person than that. If you can move away from that sort of thinking and focus on and embrace the positive things that make you who you are then that's a step.

The counselling suggestion is good but be careful. Try and find a Catholic counsellor, if you find a non-Christian counsellor there is a good chance they would deal with such an issue in a way that is inappropriate for Catholics. Speak to your priest if you need help finding such a service.

And as always, prayers going your way. :hug1:


#8

[quote="PerfectTiming, post:7, topic:253520"]
For years I've struggled with my attraction to women. I've never 'come out' as it were, I've never told a single soul outside of internet forums. Only recently did I even admit to myself that I am bisexual. The idea of 'coming out' seems both relieving and terrifying. On the one hand I don't want to have to hide it forever, but on the other hand I don't want the questions as to why I won't allow myself to ever be with another woman.

[/quote]

I'm beginning to think that one of the biggest mistakes I made was coming out in the first place. I was happy with my private homosexual thoughts, and I could have happily lived that way. Unfortunately I was pretty much 'forced out' by a supposed friend and I can't undo that.

I think part of the problem is that once you're 'out', people expect different things from you. People expect you to be with other women and to embrace the 'lifestyle'. I feel people find it very difficult to accept the idea of someone bisexual or homosexual refusing to engage in homosexual sex. They see it as a betrayal of yourself. The problem with this is that people tend to define you by your sexuality if you are not heterosexual. They see you as not a bisexual person, but as a bisexual. Sexuality becomes the entire identity, which it shouldn't be.

For me, this is where I think the problem lies for me: I can live happily with my sexual feelings without actually acting on them. But no-one else seems to understand this.

Obviously I can't know how you see your sexuality, but the first step is to make sure you're not letting your sexuality define who you are. You are not just a bisexual, there is always more to a person than that. If you can move away from that sort of thinking and focus on and embrace the positive things that make you who you are then that's a step.

The counselling suggestion is good but be careful. Try and find a Catholic counsellor, if you find a non-Christian counsellor there is a good chance they would deal with such an issue in a way that is inappropriate for Catholics. Speak to your priest if you need help finding such a service.

And as always, prayers going your way. :hug1:

:thu: Good advice.


#9

Another great resource is couragerc.net/. It is a Catholic organization specifically for people with your struggle. God bless.


#11

As a gay Catholic I can readily sympathize. From the LGBT community I get told I’m hating myself and feeding myself lies, from many Christians (mostly Protestant, but Catholics too) I get told that I am evil, an abomination, a freak or even a slave of Satan (srsly?). A major problem with modern society is sex almost worshipped, even more so in the gay community with it’s penis worship, *** worship, thigh worship and abs worship.


#12

[quote="Kouyate42, post:1, topic:253520"]
I would really appreciate some help on this, because I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't do something.

I began with bisexual feelings when I was 15 and eventually 'came out' at 20. Now all throughout this, I have felt nothing more than guilt, not happiness. I thought at first this may have something to do with me hiding my feelings away, of not just admitting I was having these thoughts.

But right now these same thoughts are STILL making me intensely miserable. I tried embracing them and even for a time was in a relationship with another woman, but this still didn't seem to do anything. All that seemed to do was make my depression worse.

And now I'm completely feeling abandoned, and these feelings won't leave me alone. I'm completely confused as to what I should do. I thought I would be happy as an openly bisexual woman, but the answer is that it's only serving to make me terribly unhappy. It's now impacting on pretty much my entire life, including how I relate to even my own family.

I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm angry, miserable and need some help.

Anyone know what I should do?

[/quote]

If it really bothers you, then seek help. There is nothing wrong with asking a therapist or counselor to work on this issue. Most homosexuals would like you to believe that you have no choice in the matter. If it really bothers you, then you don't have to stay that way. People have changed their sexual orientation in the past.


#13

[quote="joshrp, post:12, topic:253520"]
If it really bothers you, then seek help. There is nothing wrong with asking a therapist or counselor to work on this issue. Most homosexuals would like you to believe that you have no choice in the matter. If it really bothers you, then you don't have to stay that way. People have changed their sexual orientation in the past.

[/quote]

I've gotten rid of desire to have sex with another man, but that doesn't mean that I'm not gay. Instead my feelings of attraction come from the heart and mind not the groin. I feel happy hanging out with some guys, especially if we are just talking, when I'm with some guys I can't stop giggling like a school girl at their jokes even if they aren't very funny.

It's perfectly possible to a happy gay Catholic, we aren't broken, we don't need to be fixed


#14

[quote="OJD, post:10, topic:253520"]
This remark surprised me, as a gay Catholic (It wouldn't surprise me if some condescending person states that this as a contradiction in terms, but I'd hope they be slower to judge me for how I describe myself).

I, personally, am happier knowing that my mother and those close to me know my true *inclinations, I couldn't live a lie nor could I go on for much longer telling people lies - which I believe to be venially sinful, and not good for one's soul. I understand why being *out isn't for some, if not most, people.

[/quote]

I would have been better keeping my mouth shut for the simple reason that I was FORCED to 'come out' rather than coming to terms with and understanding my feelings. My head is still trying to play catch up to this big label I've now got around my neck. I'm convinced looking back that's why my relationship failed too.

It's this reason that I still haven't told my conservative grandparents, because I know that at present my head is still too full of worries, doubts and issues to take on the flak I KNOW is going to come my way if I tell them.

I can empathise with the feeling of imminent explosion, for want of a better expression. You say you want to do something. Try asking yourself what you can do? I don't believe in the theory that you can - truly and ethically - change your sexuality from homo- to hetrosexual, for example.

I came out at 20 to my best friend, 19 to my mother. So kinda similar in that respect. I felt free of guilt after telling those who I felt ought to know. I don't think anyone has a right to know one's bi/homosexuality apart from one's spouse (I guess that might, rarely, happen).

I'm agreeing that there's no right to know someone's sexuality, and indeed I've so far only told those who need to know.

Remember that sexual thoughts are not sinful, provided they are not entertained and are dismissed immediately. It sounds like you have a case of the scruples to some extent.

Problem is for me is that even these sexual thoughts I'm having seem to be 'wrong'.

It's a shame you find that you're making yourself miserable from being, what I feel is, only a small (and, for Catholics usually, insignificant) part of your identity. If you've got depression, which you mentioned that you do - as do I, which was for a time sexuality-centered, I would suggest on speaking to a medical doctor ASAP, being open and honest about this issue.

I'm wary of doctors, having been misdiagnosed 5 times on another problem. I'm seeing a counsellor who may be able to help more.

You're not abandoned - I believe you've got God, you also probably have parents or friends who you can confide in and approach, failing that there's loads of people on forums and YouTube willing to support you. If "these feelings won't leave me alone" I would again recommend seeing a doctor, most would probably view it as an unhealthy thing to be bugged by such thoughts.

It's not the thoughts themselves which are a problem, it's the fact that whilst it's a small part of my person, it's at present creating a LOT of problems.

I wrongly assumed up to the point where you state otherwise that you were a bisexual male. Thinking future happiness is sometimes wishful. It's a sad thing that you're unhappy, and I'm sure there are people who love you who would want to help and be supportive but just don't know you need that support. Consider letting them know!

Sexuality is only a small part of one's personality, it rarely has the affect as it has on you.

Anger is a usual feeling in circumstances of depression and I did only really experienced it when I failed to tell a person the truth about my sexuality.

I think you should above all give it time to resolve.

Maybe I'm being too closed up about this whole thing, which cannot help.

You say that you "can live happily with my sexual feelings without actually acting on them. But no-one else seems to understand this." - believe it or not, I actually do because I'm in exactly the same [metaphorical] boat. The suggestion that not all homosexual or bisexual people are not fornicators will undoubtedly shock some, somewhat slightly bigoted, people.

You (along with others with problems centered around sexuality) will be in my prayers. :thumbsup:

I hope things, for you - and those of us in similar boats, improve drastically.

Thank you and :thu:

[quote="Dakota_Roberts, post:11, topic:253520"]
As a gay Catholic I can readily sympathize. From the LGBT community I get told I'm hating myself and feeding myself lies, from many Christians (mostly Protestant, but Catholics too) I get told that I am evil, an abomination, a freak or even a slave of Satan (srsly?). A major problem with modern society is sex almost worshipped, even more so in the gay community with it's penis worship, *** worship, thigh worship and abs worship.

[/quote]

[quote="joshrp, post:12, topic:253520"]
If it really bothers you, then seek help. There is nothing wrong with asking a therapist or counselor to work on this issue. Most homosexuals would like you to believe that you have no choice in the matter. If it really bothers you, then you don't have to stay that way. People have changed their sexual orientation in the past.

[/quote]


#15

[quote="Kouyate42, post:8, topic:253520"]
I'm beginning to think that one of the biggest mistakes I made was coming out in the first place. I was happy with my private homosexual thoughts, and I could have happily lived that way. Unfortunately I was pretty much 'forced out' by a supposed friend and I can't undo that.

For me, this is where I think the problem lies for me: I can live happily with my sexual feelings without actually acting on them. But no-one else seems to understand this.

[/quote]

Whether coming out was a mistake is not something I can judge but in the end you're out so that's what you have to focus on, not what could be different. I don't think it's coming out as such that is the problem though, I think it's how other people then react. Like you say, people don't understand how one can choose to not act on those attractions. I know if I came out, a lot of people wouldn't get it. My best friend is bisexual though I think she is one of the few people who would respect that as a decision, but that is a rare thing. If you can surround yourself with people who are understanding then that's something. But whether you can find people who are that understanding is another question entirely.

[quote="joshrp, post:12, topic:253520"]
If it really bothers you, then seek help. There is nothing wrong with asking a therapist or counselor to work on this issue. Most homosexuals would like you to believe that you have no choice in the matter. If it really bothers you, then you don't have to stay that way. People have changed their sexual orientation in the past.

[/quote]

Be careful. Your words imply that we choose our attraction. We don't, like any temptation it is not something we choose to have. You can't just say 'you know what, I don't want to be attracted to women anymore'. If you could do that then I'd have put my sexuality behind me a long time ago. I don't want to be bisexual. I've wished and prayed that it could go away but it doesn't. That's not to say that I don't believe change is possible, with the Grace of God, but that doesn't mean everyone can change. In the same situation, replace sexuality with alcoholism. It's not a choice, you can't just decide not to be an alcoholic. It's something you have to accept and learn to control and deal with in your life.

I'm sorry if I seem harsh but the attitude that it is a 'choice' and that we can somehow 'change' our attraction is very dangerous. It's exactly that sort of attitude that makes homosexuals often distance themselves from the Church because it makes it seem like they're doing something wrong by not being able to change their attractions.


#16

I have only a heterosexual background, so I cannot give you advice based on traveling the same road.

However, all of us struggle with different trials and temptations. From my experience, a key component of sorting out anything is to spend time with God every day. This is something I am trying to improve on myself. There is a verse in the Bible about meditating in God's Word day and night. That is the step I am working on now eg. making time for God more than once a day.

Looking back at all the close calls and turning points in my life, I am convinced that every success and good outcome I have had is directly related to attending Mass every week.

And every mistake is related to neglecting this daily devotion.


#17

[quote="PerfectTiming, post:7, topic:253520"]
For years I've struggled with my attraction to women. I've never 'come out' as it were, I've never told a single soul outside of internet forums. Only recently did I even admit to myself that I am bisexual. The idea of 'coming out' seems both relieving and terrifying. On the one hand I don't want to have to hide it forever, but on the other hand I don't want the questions as to why I won't allow myself to ever be with another woman.

I think part of the problem is that once you're 'out', people expect different things from you. People expect you to be with other women and to embrace the 'lifestyle'. I feel people find it very difficult to accept the idea of someone bisexual or homosexual refusing to engage in homosexual sex. They see it as a betrayal of yourself. The problem with this is that people tend to define you by your sexuality if you are not heterosexual. They see you as not a bisexual person, but as a bisexual. Sexuality becomes the entire identity, which it shouldn't be.

Obviously I can't know how you see your sexuality, but the first step is to make sure you're not letting your sexuality define who you are. You are not just a bisexual, there is always more to a person than that. If you can move away from that sort of thinking and focus on and embrace the positive things that make you who you are then that's a step.

The counselling suggestion is good but be careful. Try and find a Catholic counsellor, if you find a non-Christian counsellor there is a good chance they would deal with such an issue in a way that is inappropriate for Catholics. Speak to your priest if you need help finding such a service.

And as always, prayers going your way. :hug1:

[/quote]

A very thoughtful post, Emily. Thank you.


#18

[quote="Dakota_Roberts, post:13, topic:253520"]
It's perfectly possible to a happy gay Catholic, we aren't broken, we don't need to be fixed

[/quote]

I hope you would permit me a few questions trying to figure out this point of view, which I have heard from others as well. How can we be inclined towards something that is sinful and be content with that? If sins really are things that inherently damage us and draw us away from God, shouldn't we want to BOTH refrain from committing sins and grow to the point of not desiring to commit those sins too? Lord knows I have plenty of sinful inclinations, but I can't think of any that I'm happy about or don't want to be 'fixed' in me. Or are you contending that same sex relations aren't sinful at all?

I'm also having trouble seeing a benefit to the OP of 'coming out.' If the OP is a catholic who believes that homosexual sexual contact is sinful and ALSO has attractions to those of the opposite sex, what it the benefit of advertising that sinful inclination? If the intentions are never to act on the same sex attraction, it seems to me that it can only hurt and never help to advertise one's attraction to the same sex.

It seems to me that we drastically over-polarize sexual temptations these days, as if they rise to a different plane than other sins. The culture at large seems to say that one cannot wrestle with a problem without hating oneself. But at the same time, our culture celebrates AA and encourages alcoholics to refrain from THEIR temptations and inclinations and sees no inherent self-loathing that must proceed from one who self identifies as "an alcoholic." We're all sinners. We all need God to fix us via Grace. We're deluding ourselves if we think we're significantly better or worse than repentant sinners who have committed THAT sin (whatever that may be).

Isn't it possible that those with same sex attractions DO need fixing, just like all the rest of us with other varieties of sinful inclinations and that this fixing just might not be completely done until purgatory is finished? And that's OK. The alcoholics have accepted that fact and learned to support each other while recognizing that having a problem does NOT negate their basic goodness. Neither does any other variety of problem.


#19

[quote="manualman, post:18, topic:253520"]
I hope you would permit me a few questions trying to figure out this point of view, which I have heard from others as well. How can we be inclined towards something that is sinful and be content with that? If sins really are things that inherently damage us and draw us away from God, shouldn't we want to BOTH refrain from committing sins and grow to the point of not desiring to commit those sins too? Lord knows I have plenty of sinful inclinations, but I can't think of any that I'm happy about or don't want to be 'fixed' in me. Or are you contending that same sex relations aren't sinful at all?

I'm also having trouble seeing a benefit to the OP of 'coming out.' If the OP is a catholic who believes that homosexual sexual contact is sinful and ALSO has attractions to those of the opposite sex, what it the benefit of advertising that sinful inclination? If the intentions are never to act on the same sex attraction, it seems to me that it can only hurt and never help to advertise one's attraction to the same sex.

It seems to me that we drastically over-polarize sexual temptations these days, as if they rise to a different plane than other sins. The culture at large seems to say that one cannot wrestle with a problem without hating oneself. But at the same time, our culture celebrates AA and encourages alcoholics to refrain from THEIR temptations and inclinations and sees no inherent self-loathing that must proceed from one who self identifies as "an alcoholic." We're all sinners. We all need God to fix us via Grace. We're deluding ourselves if we think we're significantly better or worse than repentant sinners who have committed THAT sin (whatever that may be).

Isn't it possible that those with same sex attractions DO need fixing, just like all the rest of us with other varieties of sinful inclinations and that this fixing just might not be completely done until purgatory is finished? And that's OK. The alcoholics have accepted that fact and learned to support each other while recognizing that having a problem does NOT negate their basic goodness. Neither does any other variety of problem.

[/quote]

There is a difference between people's perception of people with homosexual temptations and alcoholics. Many look at those with homosexual temptations and think they are 'choosing' to be that way and that they can just 'switch it off'. Yet we look at alcoholics and accept that they do not choose to be that way but that it is a condition they must accept and learn to live with. It doesn't just 'go away' and that's the problem. It's about managing and dealing with your temptations, not necessarily eliminating them.

The OP herself has admitted that coming out was probably a mistake, but in the end what is done is done. But sometimes admitting your faults is important. Someone with anger issues, for example, would admit to that. So why not someone with homosexual inclinations? Not necessarily advertise but it's not necessary as such to hide it. As I have argued before, the problem is not with coming out in itself but the way in which people react to your sexuality afterwards.


#20

[quote="manualman, post:18, topic:253520"]
I hope you would permit me a few questions trying to figure out this point of view, which I have heard from others as well. How can we be inclined towards something that is sinful and be content with that? If sins really are things that inherently damage us and draw us away from God, shouldn't we want to BOTH refrain from committing sins and grow to the point of not desiring to commit those sins too? Lord knows I have plenty of sinful inclinations, but I can't think of any that I'm happy about or don't want to be 'fixed' in me. Or are you contending that same sex relations aren't sinful at all?

I'm also having trouble seeing a benefit to the OP of 'coming out.' If the OP is a catholic who believes that homosexual sexual contact is sinful and ALSO has attractions to those of the opposite sex, what it the benefit of advertising that sinful inclination? If the intentions are never to act on the same sex attraction, it seems to me that it can only hurt and never help to advertise one's attraction to the same sex.

It seems to me that we drastically over-polarize sexual temptations these days, as if they rise to a different plane than other sins. The culture at large seems to say that one cannot wrestle with a problem without hating oneself. But at the same time, our culture celebrates AA and encourages alcoholics to refrain from THEIR temptations and inclinations and sees no inherent self-loathing that must proceed from one who self identifies as "an alcoholic." We're all sinners. We all need God to fix us via Grace. We're deluding ourselves if we think we're significantly better or worse than repentant sinners who have committed THAT sin (whatever that may be).

Isn't it possible that those with same sex attractions DO need fixing, just like all the rest of us with other varieties of sinful inclinations and that this fixing just might not be completely done until purgatory is finished? And that's OK. The alcoholics have accepted that fact and learned to support each other while recognizing that having a problem does NOT negate their basic goodness. Neither does any other variety of problem.

[/quote]

Have you heard of the term concupiscence? We all have it, we are all inclined to sin, that doesn't mean we can't be happy. I still feel attractions to males from my heart and mind even though I have no attraction from the groin. Love between two people of the same gender is not necessarily sinful, if it is expressed through sex then it is sinful, but when it is not then in what way is it sinful? I can find no place in the Bible or catechisms that says two people of the same gender can not share a long, loving and fulfilling life with each other if they are chaste. By having these feelings I can sympathize with others and potentially save them from the abyss of the homosexual lifestyle, I don't care how heavy my cross is if I can save others.

It feels better to share your feelings then suffer in silence. Just because you're out of the closet doesn't mean you are running around telling everyone, frequently it just means telling your family and friends.

Love can persist beyond death... at least in the case of weddings* between two men. These unions also had many things in common with what we now call marriage.

*During the time period the term wedding referred to an exchange of vows and the term marriage could also be applied to the union, definitions are different now


#21

[quote="Kouyate42, post:1, topic:253520"]
I would really appreciate some help on this, because I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't do something.

I began with bisexual feelings when I was 15 and eventually 'came out' at 20. Now all throughout this, I have felt nothing more than guilt, not happiness. I thought at first this may have something to do with me hiding my feelings away, of not just admitting I was having these thoughts.

But right now these same thoughts are STILL making me intensely miserable. I tried embracing them and even for a time was in a relationship with another woman, but this still didn't seem to do anything. All that seemed to do was make my depression worse.

And now I'm completely feeling abandoned, and these feelings won't leave me alone. I'm completely confused as to what I should do. I thought I would be happy as an openly bisexual woman, but the answer is that it's only serving to make me terribly unhappy. It's now impacting on pretty much my entire life, including how I relate to even my own family.

I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm angry, miserable and need some help.

Anyone know what I should do?

[/quote]

I think one problem is our society, which doesn't understand these quite normal phases of life for some people, on their way to normal sexuality, and instead, everyone around you starts to pat you on the back and urge you to "come out" and you'll feel all free and liberated or something. Feelings for other females are pretty common and you would have needed to figure out where those attractions were coming from. Not merely sexual, not merely being attracted, but what about that person draws you, is that a quality you would like to develop or that you missed while you were growing up? Not just the simple answer of "You're gay!" or "You're bisexual!"

I just have a feeling you are NOT these labels that you have taken on, and that is why you are angry. You even tried to play the right role, but it didn't fit you - you say you weren't happy being with a woman, in spite of how you were "supposed" to feel.

I had an experience a couple of months ago. I went to a counselor who sees a lot of alcoholics, but I didn't want to focus on that. I need some individual help with where to go from here, in my marriage and in my life, more like career and vocational counseling, with some personal issues too. Well, during the hour I told her that I had stopped drinking, and I guess she assumed that I was telling her that I am an alcoholic, and she was sort of doing an intervention, urging me to go to AA, that I would feel better, I should admit I am an alcoholic, etc. During the session I was kind of passive, almost in shock, and I cried a little bit, but mostly out of frustration because I wasn't being listened to. So I got out of there and I got really angry - at first I thought "Well maybe she's right," but then I thought, "NO! I know myself better than anyone and she doesn't know me at all! I don't have to accept her opinion of me any more than a stranger on the street!" And I left and never returned. I still don't drink, but I am not an alcoholic.

Spend some time with a counselor who can help you figure out who you really are, underneath all the labels. The answer might just surprise you.


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