Well, i am larger and shorter, but I can sympathize with you. It is my guess that all those things you listed as accomplishments has a waxing and waning (like the moon) of confidence in your ability. (that is a guess from my own problem).
I often wonder if I will ever be confident, consistently in the things I do. lately, I realized that maybe it is something I have to give back to God and ask him to fill my heart with Jesus and His love. He is your bridegroom...how perfect is that.
The most difficult thing is knowing what to concentrate on changing or concentrate on letting go of or working harder on...in the end ALL of our heart belongs to Jesus our most chaste spouse, he loves us as we are, and made it possible for us to achieve a pre-fallen state. What you are facing, is our duality. We have sin in our mortal bodies, yet we have Jesus, the one who made us whole, redeemed us, but it is a process of giving ourselves completely to him...the human spouse is secondary.
When you do indeed get married, your marriage will have its own "charism" and will help you get to heaven, but it won't necessarily improve what you think it will. So you are right in facing this, but as others have mentioned, it is perfectionistic to think it will just fit in like a puzzle piece and then you will be a finished puzzle.
healing doesn't seem to work that way. But the most important thing is to give your whole heart to Jesus, by giving Him this mindset everytime you think it.
A counsellor might be able to help with the self thought, but I always wonder why we are always advised these days to go to one, when our friends and family should love us enough to allow that kind of intimacy and friendship for healing:confused:...