My body image is killing my soul


#21

Well, i am larger and shorter, but I can sympathize with you. It is my guess that all those things you listed as accomplishments has a waxing and waning (like the moon) of confidence in your ability. (that is a guess from my own problem).

I often wonder if I will ever be confident, consistently in the things I do. lately, I realized that maybe it is something I have to give back to God and ask him to fill my heart with Jesus and His love. He is your bridegroom...how perfect is that.

The most difficult thing is knowing what to concentrate on changing or concentrate on letting go of or working harder on...in the end ALL of our heart belongs to Jesus our most chaste spouse, he loves us as we are, and made it possible for us to achieve a pre-fallen state. What you are facing, is our duality. We have sin in our mortal bodies, yet we have Jesus, the one who made us whole, redeemed us, but it is a process of giving ourselves completely to him...the human spouse is secondary.

When you do indeed get married, your marriage will have its own "charism" and will help you get to heaven, but it won't necessarily improve what you think it will. So you are right in facing this, but as others have mentioned, it is perfectionistic to think it will just fit in like a puzzle piece and then you will be a finished puzzle.

healing doesn't seem to work that way. But the most important thing is to give your whole heart to Jesus, by giving Him this mindset everytime you think it.

A counsellor might be able to help with the self thought, but I always wonder why we are always advised these days to go to one, when our friends and family should love us enough to allow that kind of intimacy and friendship for healing:confused:...


#22

Thanks again for everyone who has chimed in. I appreciate the response and the interest in helping me with this cross.

I find it interesting that so many people recommend counseling, especially since, as I gather opinions and insights from my friends and family as well as this online forum, I find that I am not alone in any sense of the word. Many women my age find themselves in similar circumstances, I’ve discovered. So while counseling is a good option for many things, I do not think it is the only option for working through issues such as these. I am not opposed to it, but neither am I going to rush to it.

In fact, after yesterday, I’m much more prone to continue working on this without professional help. Let me explain.

I’m volunteering this summer with other young adults, and we’ve been living in community for a little over a month now. Yesterday, we were invited to go out to a lake to just take a rest from all the work we’ve been doing. Now, normally, I would be so VERY self-conscious in my swimsuit (like many women) because, no matter how modest a swimsuit is, it is still (usually) less covering than normal clothes. But by God’s grace, I began saying to myself yesterday “I’m beautiful,” over and over again, and then saying it about all the women I saw, in place of comparing their bodies to mine. I can’t even tell you how effective that was!! I LOVED swimming, and I was able to genuinely encourage some of the other women with me about their bodies in their swimsuits. Yesterday was a victory. Yesterday, I got to experience how God loves and sees me more fully than ever before. It was a grace-filled day.

Today, I am continuing my strategy and I feel beautiful. It will be a struggle, I know, but yesterday gave me so much hope. And, to be sure, I know it’s only been one single day, but I am so thankful to have had it.

Thanks again, to all who have recommended things to do to help and encourage me. To some, this is a non-issue it seems. To others, this is simply self-absorption. But to me and those who truly understand, this is something that I know I need to lay before God to heal.

Pax Christi,
hmm


#23

I would see a doctor.

A poor body image can and most likely will progress into an eating disorder. Please get help before it takes a more deadly turn.

Remember, Our Lord made us in His image! That means that we are beautiful as we are, and we are precious in His sight! Never forget that!

May Our Lord bless you! :)


#24

[quote="supertubos, post:7, topic:246749"]

  1. Now the fashion is to be ultra-thin, and the models such as that are not sexy at all (ask your boyfriend). women to be sexy need to be a little "fluffy". I tell you what a doctor told me: A model got a contract when someone saw her coming out of a psychiatric clinic treating her anorexia ! I asked my students why is this so and one of them answered that the designers are either women or guy and so they dont care for woman's beauty they want to sell clothes and women very tall and very thin are the ones that shape a better dress.

[/quote]

Not to get off topic or anything, but isn't what you are saying here also causing the same type of problems?

Some girls are skinny (including myself) and they can be sexy too. :(
My husband thinks I'm gorgeous, even though I'm not "fluffy."

This thread is about looking within and feeling good about yourself no matter what body type God gave you...

The above remark you made only contributes to women feeling insecure about their body image.


#25

[quote="supertubos, post:15, topic:246749"]

**It is nor up to you to judge your femininity. This is narcisism. It's up to a man to judge you. **Myself I dont like skinny girls. But opinion does not matter. Ask you boyfriend and, you do not need to ask, it seems that he likes you !!!

[/quote]

Really? :confused:

So are women not supposed to love their bodies unless another man thinks they are beautiful?

What about all the shy, single young women out there who haven't had a boyfriend yet and are feeling insecure about their bodies? They would read this and then REALLY think there's something wrong with the way they look. :shrug:

We should love our bodies and take good care of our bodies because they are gifts from God - made in His image and likeness. NOT because a certain man thinks they look nice.


Also, if a man wrote on here that he didn't like FAT girls, I'm pretty sure he'd get banned. I don't see how a man saying he doesn't like skinny girls should be anymore permissible and any less demeaning to the thin women reading this.

What we should focus on in this thread is loving our bodies because they were made in the image and likeness of God. When someone comes on and starts talking about specific body types he likes and doesn't like, it just adds to the body image problem.


#26

[quote="hmm, post:1, topic:246749"]
I struggle deeply with body image issues. For me, berating my body and scrutinizing it's flaws happens probably 100x a day, maybe more. It's such a natural thing. I frequently compare how big I am next to another woman, from whole body to specific parts, and it seems like I daily try to come up with another plan to slim down, whether it be not eating any desserts, or drinking alcohol, or running, or whatever.

But here's the kicker: I'm an intelligent, faithful, objectively beautiful woman who has so many talents, gifts, and blessings. I can spend hours in Adoration, I go to Mass 3 or 4x a week, I'm eloquent about my faith and I love to encourage others. God has formed me to be a leader in my circles, especially spiritually, and He has given me the grace to not screw it up. What I'm saying is, I'm SO blessed and I'm SO aware that this is an issue that I need help with if I'm going to become a saint on earth, which naturally is my goal.

What I'm saying is, I recognize a deep need for healing for my obsession. From the books I've read and the conversations with guys that I've had, I'd say that my obsession is comprable to the hold that pornography has on (mainly) men in our culture.

*To this community of believers, what I am asking is for, not only your prayer, but also your advice - the tools you have found to help conquer this sin of pride in your lives. *

The reason I posted this in "Family Life" is because I know that if I cannot heal in this before I get married in a few years, it will greatly affect my relationship with my husband, and my children. Already, my wonderful boyfriend is at a loss on how to best support me other than prayer and a listening ear.

What can I do to better understand my beauty and my body? How can I learn to love it as God made it? Honestly, I am hard pressed to find some part of my body that I can't complain about, but at the same time, I know how INCREDIBLY wrong I am to be judging myself so harshly. I have not learned to love the physical me, though I have a healthy respect for the moral me, the spiritual me and the mental me.

My head knows truth where my heart vehemently rejects it.

[/quote]

Your body is great because GOD created it, and God is perfect. :)

Take good care of your body. Eat healthy. Exercise regularly. Get plenty of sleep. Be good to yourself.

Love your body - it has value. :thumbsup:


#27

Women talk about liking guys with a good sense of humor and able to make them laugh, and not all guys can do that (no one can learn to be funny – you either have it or you don’t), liking men with certain jobs etc. Most people don’t have a problem with this, and they shouldn’t. Stating preferences – as long as it is done appropriately – should be fine.

Now, body image should not be so injurious to someone that they are unable to function. This is clearly disordered. A rational position should be taken. One should never really completely love or hate their body, intelligence, spiritual life – if they hate it too much they are unable to appreciate a work of God, and if they love it too much they are narcissistic and willfully ignorant of flaws.


#28

[quote="ChiRho, post:27, topic:246749"]
Women talk about liking guys with a good sense of humor and able to make them laugh, and not all guys can do that (no one can learn to be funny -- you either have it or you don't), liking men with certain jobs etc. Most people don't have a problem with this, and they shouldn't. Stating preferences -- as long as it is done appropriately -- should be fine.

[/quote]

Just thought it was an inappropriate thing to post on a thread about body image issues/insecurities, that's all.

Also, one thing is to say "I prefer bigger women,"

It is something entirely different to say things like "I don't like skinny girls," or "girls need fluff to be sexy," or "guys don't like skinny girls, just ask your boyfriend."

One last note: take the above statements and change "skinny" to "fat," and I'm pretty sure there would be a much bigger uproar. ("I don't like fat girls" "girls need to be thin to be sexy" "guys don't like fat girls, just ask your boyfriend".... I think I make my point clear)


#29

[quote="Debora123, post:24, topic:246749"]
Not to get off topic or anything, but isn't what you are saying here also causing the same type of problems?

Some girls are skinny (including myself) and they can be sexy too. :(
My husband thinks I'm gorgeous, even though I'm not "fluffy."

This thread is about looking within and feeling good about yourself no matter what body type God gave you...

The above remark you made only contributes to women feeling insecure about their body image.

[/quote]

Debora, please! Gimme a break! This was not intended to you !!! the text was not directed to you. Are you "ultra-thin"? are you anorectic? Every woman is beautiful.

My remarks did not make anybody to feel insecure about one's won body. If a woman is insecure is insecure in any body !

Debora: if your husband finds you are beautiful, what do you need my opinion for? His enough is !!

If woman if "fluffy" I tell "fluffy" is beautiful, if thin I tell her "thin is beatutiful. Anyhow, it is what I feel, every woman has its own beauty and even 80 years old ladies are so beautiful on their winkles that tell a life story. I am a photographer and have taken beautiful pictures like that..

:thumbsup:


#30

May I suggest a book that could help you a bit? It’s “Mere Christianity” by C.S. Lewis.

For me it was a real eye-opener into the nature of the human condition, and it helped me to understand better the sin of pride, and the other sins as well.

It also helped me to see more clearly how Jesus can help us to become what He desires of us. I’m still working on it, and I think I’ll have to read it again, but it really put things into perspective for me. Maybe it could help you too.


#31

[quote="supertubos, post:29, topic:246749"]
Debora, please! Gimme a break! This was not intended to you !!! the text was not directed to you. Are you "ultra-thin"? are you anorectic? Every woman is beautiful.

My remarks did not make anybody to feel insecure about one's won body. If a woman is insecure is insecure in any body !

Debora: if your husband finds you are beautiful, what do you need my opinion for? His enough is !!

If woman if "fluffy" I tell "fluffy" is beautiful, if thin I tell her "thin is beatutiful. Anyhow, it is what I feel, every woman has its own beauty and even 80 years old ladies are so beautiful on their winkles that tell a life story. I am a photographer and have taken beautiful pictures like that..

:thumbsup:

[/quote]

I am not insecure about my body, but when I hear a man say things like "I don't like skinny girls" and "girls need fluff to be sexy," it puts me down, just as it would put a bigger woman down to hear a man say "I don't like fat girls."

Saying "but this was not directed at you" doesn't really help the situation. You are referring to skinny girls in general, so any skinny girl who hears that is going to be affected.

I'm sure you didn't mean to purposely insult anyone, which is why I brought it to your attention. I guess you just accidentally used the wrong type of wording, that's all.

And also, not every ultra thin girl is anorexic. I used to get teased when I was in my early teen years for being too skinny, and it took me a while to develop any type of feminine curves. Other kids used to accuse me of being anorexic, when in fact I was a cross-country and track star and probably a lot healthier than most girls my age... not to mention I loved food just as much as the next person. :thumbsup:


#32

[quote="Debora123, post:31, topic:246749"]
I am not insecure about my body, but when I hear a man say things like "I don't like skinny girls" and "girls need fluff to be sexy," it puts me down, just as it would put a bigger woman down to hear a man say "I don't like fat girls."

Saying "but this was not directed at you" doesn't really help the situation. You are referring to skinny girls in general, so any skinny girl who hears that is going to be affected.

I'm sure you didn't mean to purposely insult anyone, which is why I brought it to your attention. I guess you just accidentally used the wrong type of wording, that's all.

And also, not every ultra thin girl is anorexic. I used to get teased when I was in my early teen years for being too skinny, and it took me a while to develop any type of feminine curves. Other kids used to accuse me of being anorexic, when in fact I was a cross-country and track star and probably a lot healthier than most girls my age... not to mention I loved food just as much as the next person. :thumbsup:

[/quote]

No, again, Debora.

One second: thin people eat a lot, fat people eat little. That's in the genes. Fat people were the ones who survived in times of hunger, being thin people dead at the beginning. Not tables turned.... In time of food surplus, fat people are at a disadvantage. and thin people survive.

Now, I am a teacher. I fight hard with my kids, specially girls, to make them understand that, no matter what people say of you, you are worthwhile, you are a diamond. e make special exercises with girls who have very low self-esteem, to teach them to not react violently when insulted.

If you feel down when the other says bad of me and feel good when the other say good, then you are at the mercy of others.. and for girls this is very bad. I am tutoring a dozen of girls without family and my fight all the time is to create what the psychologists nowadays tall much about: "resilience", the capacity to survive in the midst to hard times.

You see: you are so sensitive to these subjects, that you went for a tiny little sentence that was not addressed to you and you say that was addressed for all girls in general and it was not. Please, Debora, you must be a gorgeous girl, athlete above all !!! My Kids are athletes, I am a yoga Instructor, I am imagining your type of cross-country girl who flies in the air, so sexy... Now you tell me that because some girls who could not run 200 yards tell you a joke out of envy that disturbs you! Come on Debora! I was skinnier than you, I was force fed to get more fat but if I could put half a pound in 2 months was the most, I had also the same problems as you but when the first girl told me she loved me, all mu insecurities disappeared. Now, I am happily married to a woman who was not my first love AND YOU HAVE A HUSBAND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:


#33

Learn about chastity and theology of the body from Jason Evert and Christopher West

You can find their talks for free in this site:

chastityislove.blogspot.com/


#34

[quote="Debora123, post:25, topic:246749"]
Really? :confused:

So are women not supposed to love their bodies unless another man thinks they are beautiful?

What about all the shy, single young women out there who haven't had a boyfriend yet and are feeling insecure about their bodies? They would read this and then REALLY think there's something wrong with the way they look. :shrug:

We should love our bodies and take good care of our bodies because they are gifts from God - made in His image and likeness. NOT because a certain man thinks they look nice.


Also, if a man wrote on here that he didn't like FAT girls, I'm pretty sure he'd get banned. I don't see how a man saying he doesn't like skinny girls should be anymore permissible and any less demeaning to the thin women reading this.

What we should focus on in this thread is loving our bodies because they were made in the image and likeness of God. When someone comes on and starts talking about specific body types he likes and doesn't like, it just adds to the body image problem.

[/quote]

  1. My God, women are so hard to understand ! :confused: NO, it is not up to the man appreciate woman's body. What I say is that I dont like my body (and it is true but no drama...) and a Lady tell me I am beautiful today, it makes me happy. Dont you find funny that a boyfriend or a husband likes his wife or grilfriend's body and she keeps complaining?

  2. What about the shy girls who dont have a boyfriend. I have got lots of them: They are my students and I try to instill in them that ALL OF THEM are beautiful no matter what the world says. I try to instill on them the self-confidence and it is hard for some of them had a hard time and a family situtation that is terrible. So, I know what I am talking about!

  3. I DID NOT SAY THAT SKINNY GIRLS WERE UGLY and if you want me expelled, please send a solicitation to the moderator.

  4. But it seems that there is feelings-censorship. anyone if free to like or dislike what he likes and dislikes. I teach my students not to get offended if other people's feelings hurt them. I may love you and you may hate me, and everything is OK. What is the problem? Shall I hate you because you hate me? No, of course not, I still love you though you hate me. That's what I teach my students, to ACT, no RE-ACT, to feel independently, and not expecting other people's reactions then to RE-ACT accordingly. Live and Let live, Feel and Let Feel.

Up to the Fat, Up to the Skinny, Up to the So-and-So, Up to the Black, white, Chinese, Tall, Small, Blond, Bown WOMEN of this world. all are beautiful, my opinion......:thumbsup:


#35

No worries, buddy… I just misunderstood you, that’s all.

You are from Portugal?? I’m from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil!

But I have lived in the US since I was a child. :slight_smile:


#36

AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Agora percebo que você tem problemas com o corpo: é Brasileira !!! Toda a brasileira tem problemas com o corpo!

So you are brasilians !! Welcome sister! Now i understand it all. copacabana, sambina…carnaval…

brasilian women are the most beautiful in the world: so now somebody is gonna KILL me !!!:thumbsup:


#37

Hi, I am new to this. I have finally found something that hits the nail on the head for me. I am a mom of two beautiful boys one is 4 years and is one 5 months old. I am married to a wonderful man who is beautiful both spiritually and physically. I have always believed in the Roman Catholic faith, but not until this last year have I been real active for awhile. My husband is strong Roman Catholic we are now very active and trying to incorporate all of this in our daily lives.

I am like you constantly comparing myself to others. I have even gone as far as comparing myself to my own husband. Like you I am not of petite frame. I am 5'7" but I weigh 10 more lbs. than what I should weigh, I know I had a baby but it has been five months. I don't consider myself horribly ugly but there are flaws present that I wish I could change. If I could I probably would go as far as plastic surgery to change them. I have become that depressed with myself. I waste more time on obsessing over myself, others, and what I could or want to do to change myself to be more physically beautiful. As I said before my husband to me and to others is very handsome. I feel like he deserves someone who is much more physically beautiful than me. I know it is sad to feel this way, but this is how I feel. My sons are also beautiful babies, I know they get some of there looks from me but they also get lots from their dad. I feel that the only way to overcome this obsession is to get plastic surgery and to try and alter some of my looks. However, I don't think it is right to do this, but I am desperate to feel better about myself. Is it right to get plastic surgery in the Catholic faith? This seems to be an unanswered question. Society has made it so hard on women. Our Society is so superficial. It is hard to tell who is real anymore. More and more people seem to be plastic these days. Some of it is more noticeable than others. Don't get me wrong I think plastic surgery is wonderful for those who really need it,those who have been disfigured, born with defects that impair them etc. But where does one draw the line? Is it the Sin of Vanity if I want to be a better version of myself? Is it an insult to how God created me? We are supposed to look a certain way in society to be considered beautiful and it is sad. What a sad sad world we live in today.

I am almost 32. Why should I obsess over myself. I have been this way for 32 years. This is how everyone knows me. I have always had a horrible self image and I really don't think that is going to change anytime soon. Yes, I could get more spiritual and psychological treatment, but at the end of the day, I will still be the same person in the mirror no physical changes. I just have to live with this for the rest of my life. I know that plastic surgery is an option, but I don't want to commit a mortal sin to become more beautiful and superficial. I am a stay at home mom, and I could never afford the kind of surgery that I think is necessary. I would never want to take away from what my family needs that would be so selfish. I know I asked a lot of questions, but I just want you to know that you are not the only one who feels the way you do. I hope that is some ways this helps you know that you are not alone. I try to find strength in knowing that I have a husband who loves me and beautiful boys who adore me, these are beautiful blessings in my life!!! I know I need to think about things that are more important like my faith and my family!!!! After all life here on earth is short. Love and God Bless:hug1:


#38

Sou Brasileira sim!!! :tanning:


#39

just wanted to say i have never been threw this body image problem as severely but from i can tell you are very smart and acknowledge it is a problem. you might have to meet with a psychologist since it is unhealthy


#40

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