My boyfriend's wardrobe


#1

i can’t stand the way my boyfriend dresses sometimes. It bothers me to no end that sometimes he will wear sleeveless shirts and i have asked him so many times to put something else on for me. He tells me that it makes him feel comfortable and that he would never ask me to change my wardrobe for him. He also says that I nag him about it. I don’t know what to do about it or how to approach it. Any advice is helpful. Thanks.


#2

[quote="aborodki, post:1, topic:226256"]
i can't stand the way my boyfriend dresses sometimes. It bothers me to no end that sometimes he will wear sleeveless shirts and i have asked him so many times to put something else on for me. He tells me that it makes him feel comfortable and that he would never ask me to change my wardrobe for him. He also says that I nag him about it. I don't know what to do about it or how to approach it. Any advice is helpful. Thanks.

[/quote]

You can't force somebody to change and when it comes to how a person dresses, you can't put too much emphasis on it either. It annoys me to no end that my fiance wears some of those types of t-shirts with the "funny" sayings (like stuff at thinkgeek.com) and he knows that I prefer he wear more mature clothing. I gave up commenting on them and instead decided that when I buy him clothes (as gifts for Christmas, his birthday, whatever) I'll get to choose what is purchased. I look for styles that I know will be comfortable for him and I do take into consideration what colors he likes too.

You may just have to let this go--- if you ever get a chance to purchase him some nice clothes, then you can decide what you actually buy.

Now if he's doing this while attending church/Mass or visiting your family, I do believe that you can speak up and remind him that his clothing should be respectful for the event. I would never let my fiance go over my parents' house if he was wearing a tank top and a hat. He does try now on his own to look nice for them and he understands how insulting it is to my more traditional family to have a hat on inside the house (one of the first lessons my Mom taught him actually).

There are bigger issues to deal with than clothing. It's a shame that he thinks you are nagging him about this, but you probably don't want to cause strife over something like clothing. Drop the subject and if you really can not deal with it, you may want to reconsider the relationship--- especially how you may end up dealing with larger issues.


#3

My advice is don’t let it bother you. Be glad that he doesn’t change because you asked him.


#4

My boyfriend is a very attractive guy but he dresses like my dad sometimes. It's kind of frustrating, but ultimately I had to give up trying to make him wear certain things and decide that in the grand scheme of things, it's not really a big deal. He has one shirt that I like and he'll wear it occasionally to make me happy, and that's good enough for me I suppose.

You could go shopping and point out things that you'd like to see him in. Tell him "that would look so nice on you". He may or may not take the hint but if he doesn't, I wouldn't push it. If he's a great guy in the ways that matter, you'll eventually be able to just let him dress the way he wants and appreciate the rest of him.


#5

[quote="aborodki, post:1, topic:226256"]
i can't stand the way my boyfriend dresses sometimes. It bothers me to no end that sometimes he will wear sleeveless shirts and i have asked him so many times to put something else on for me. He tells me that it makes him feel comfortable and that he would never ask me to change my wardrobe for him. He also says that I nag him about it. I don't know what to do about it or how to approach it. Any advice is helpful. Thanks.

[/quote]

How old are you both? The older the boyfriend, the less likely he will change his choice of clothing. My husband hasn't deviated much from his choice of style or clothing since the first day we met. If it really bugs you, and you're mature enough to be considering marriage with your boyfriend, you're going to have to realize he may never change his style of clothing and you're going to have to ask yourself if you can live with that. Its also important for you to realize what you can and can not toleratel with in a serious relationship, even if it seems as trivial as sleeveless shirts. It may seem like such a silly thing to be upset about, but this situation could be showing you how you two communicate as a couple and work on things that irritate you both. If its upsetting you how he's handling this situation, you have to think about how he or you will handle the really really big issues that will pop up if you two decide to get married.


#6

I'll again take a different tack, this is who he is, this is how he dresses, he doesn't need a mother to tell him how to dress. Unless you want to be his mom. He needs someone in his life who will love him and accept him for who he is.

Now, you are entitled to your likes and dislikes. He is entitled to dress how he feels comfortable. Neither of you is wrong. But if this is enough of an issue to you and you feel strongly about it- don't expect him to change. Perhaps you are just incompatible. Because if you just let it go for now and grit your teeth, than it will be completely out of line for you to expect him to change later. If you do speak up and he doesn't want to change, than that tells you how important this is to him. If he does change, you need to be very grateful and encouraging because it's one of those things that can turn into a straw of resentment in the pile later on. He changed to please you, why? What will you change/do for him? Hair style? Hair color? The way you dress? Your nails? Type of jewelry? Again, no one's wrong. But this is why we date, to determine our ability to be compatible with someone for life.


#7

If you think you might want to marry this person then you have to consider long and hard if his poor wardrobe choices, and the fact that he has no regard for you in this area, is something you can live with for the rest of your life.

If you are not considering marrying him then just put up with it until you do find the man you will marry.

Sorry - but I have to disagree with some of the posts. If someone dressed like that around me (I'm sorry, but sleeveless shirts on men are vile) and had no concern for something that made me uncomfortable, I would have to think there is a serious compatibility issue there.

~Liza


#8

[quote="aborodki, post:1, topic:226256"]
i . He also says that I nag him about it. I don't know what to do about it or how to approach it. Any advice is helpful. Thanks.

[/quote]

stop nagging


#9

I agree there’s a compatibility issue here, and I also agree with posters who have indicated that he already has a mother. I can also see how he would consider it nagging when he’s already said he isn’t going to stop wearing these shirts.

I disagree that sleeveless shirts are “vile”. I think it depends upon when and where they are worn. I am from the South, and in the summer if a guy is playing a sport, changing the oil, working out at the gym, then sleeveless shirts are likely to be worn. Heck, I tore the sleeves out of all my flag football and softball team shirts myself. So, I guess I’m vile because I wore sleeveless shirts when playing sports and going to the gym when I lived down south because oh, when it’s 105 well it just makes sense.

Now, if he’s wearing an undershirt, or wearing sleevless shirts or tanks to dinner and a movie, that would be different as to the appropriateness of the attire. But, if it’s what he insisted on wearing, and it really bothered me THAT much, I’d get a new boyfriend b/c he isn’t going to change if he thinks that is appropriate attire all the time.


#10

[quote="puzzleannie, post:8, topic:226256"]
stop nagging

[/quote]

:thumbsup:

Nothing against you OP, but being single has it's benefits. I don't dress like your boyfriend, but I like to have the freedom of someone not pestering me about wearing blue jeans and rock and roll t-shirts!

Would you like it if he bothered you all the time about the way you dress?


#11

[quote="1ke, post:9, topic:226256"]
So, I guess I'm vile because I wore sleeveless shirts when playing sports and going to the gym when I lived down south because oh, when it's 105 well it just makes sense.

[/quote]

Come on now, I didn't make this personal, so no need to do that. ;)

Besides - women don't have underarm hair hanging out when they wear a sleeveless shirt, so I am sure you looked just fine.

Hey - it's my own personal taste. I just think they look disgusting on men. :shrug:

~Liza


#12

[quote="lizaanne, post:11, topic:226256"]
Come on now, I didn't make this personal, so no need to do that. ;)

Besides - women don't have underarm hair hanging out when they wear a sleeveless shirt, so I am sure you looked just fine.

Hey - it's my own personal taste. I just think they look disgusting on men. :shrug:

~Liza

[/quote]

I'm with you Lizanne, I don't personally like the style either.


#13

[quote="lizaanne, post:11, topic:226256"]
Besides - women don't have underarm hair hanging out when they wear a sleeveless shirt

[/quote]

Well, one would hope... but you never know! :eek:

I very much agree it's personal taste, and I wasn't taking it personally I was just making a point that there could be perfectly acceptable times to wear them. The OP doesn't really say if it's to church, her cousin's wedding, or the gym. There's a big difference, KWIM?


#14

A man wearing a sleeveless shirt or even no shirt is not a deal breaker.

If there is an issue here at all, it is not the shirts!

The issue is that OP thinks that she can control the way that a man dresses.


#15

[quote="1ke, post:13, topic:226256"]
The OP doesn't really say if it's to church, her cousin's wedding, or the gym. There's a big difference, KWIM?

[/quote]

Agree. Now if he's wearing it to change the oil, that's one thing, and I guess I would not gag too much. But she does make it sound like he wears them a lot, or what is there to nag about?

~Liza


#16

[quote="MtnDwellar, post:14, topic:226256"]

The issue is that OP thinks that she can control the way that a man dresses.

[/quote]

I think you hit the nail on the head right here. If the roles were reversed, we'd all be shocked that a man would act that way over such a mundane issue.


#17

[quote="MtnDwellar, post:14, topic:226256"]
The issue is that OP thinks that she can control the way that a man dresses.

[/quote]

I agree.

I think it's the man's call. If my DH wears a shirt I hate, I don't say anything. He has a couple of old, ratty shirts that he cannot part with. Ok, whatever, he can wear them if he pleases.

Now, that said, my DH is also fine with me (or others) buying him clothes for birthdays, Christmas, etc, as that's not really his thing. So, he wears whatever is in the closet, most of which have been purchased by me, my mom, or his sister!


#18

[quote="lizaanne, post:11, topic:226256"]
Besides - women don't have underarm hair hanging out when they wear a sleeveless shirt, so I am sure you looked just fine.

[/quote]

I braid mine so it's presentable.

Sorry, couldn't help it- it's what I tell my girls who have the same objection when I throw on a sleeveless running shirt to go for a jog on a hot day.


#19

[quote="MtnDwellar, post:14, topic:226256"]
A man wearing a sleeveless shirt or even no shirt is not a deal breaker.

If there is an issue here at all, it is not the shirts!

The issue is that OP thinks that she can control the way that a man dresses.

[/quote]

But why is there no issue with him not being receptive to her and wanting to make her happy and feel comfortable around him? This is a two way street. Now if she nags him about EVERYTHING all the time, then they just need to call it quits. But if this is the only thing that bugs her, and they otherwise have a great relationship, why does he not have enough respect for her to want to please her? I think it is the sacrificial element of a relationship that is missing here. He knows it bugs her, and yet he doesn't care. So by all accounts here, she is the one who has to put up and shut up. Not sure I like that.

~Liza


#20

[quote="Angelic_Rose, post:2, topic:226256"]
It annoys me to no end that my fiance wears some of those types of t-shirts with the "funny" sayings (like stuff at thinkgeek.com)

[/quote]

My wife buys me t-shirts from thinkgeek.com and I love her for it!

I'm a geek, though, so it's fitting :D

That being said, I don't wear t-shirts for much of anything other than yard work or hanging out around the house. My normal attire is pretty much business casual, even if we're just going to a fast food drive through or Walgreen's for batteries.


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