My brother is addicted to porn. What do I do ?!

Hi,
I’ve recently caught my little brother (minor) watching porn and it’s not the first time.
I see him on his phone, with red eyes, lightly sweating, and… well, I’ll skip the details but you know what I’m talking about…
I did not see directly what he was watching but highly suspect that this is porn.
He also go often to confession during the week… It seems to me that he is addicted to porn.
I don’t want to judge him but save him form that dangerous habit.
What should I do as his big brother ?
I know that it’s not a easy task but I’ll appreciate any response especially from a priest.
Thanks.

Your brother understands the grave nature of his sin and is going to Confession, and his priest is surely working with him to get over the habit.

Others may disagree, but I don’t think you should intervene in this situation, unless you notice your brother is no longer going to Confession. In that case, and depending on your relationship with him, you should broach the subject with him to try and see if you can help. Highlight your worry for him and encourage him to continue seeking the sacrament and his priest’s advice. You can also direct him to a counselor trained to help with overcoming addictions.

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“Hey, little brother, knock it off. Not only is that disrespectful to women, but it’s a sin in case you didn’t know that.”

He may not be aware how serious what he is doing can become, or that it leads to sin.

I dont agree that you should say nothing, I think it’s all in how and when you approach him. I am sure he would rather hear it from his older brother than from your mom should she be unfortunate enough to witness his activity.

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Thanks a lot for the response.
In fact I already did that two times. I forgot to mention that.

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And I think he understood that this was a grave sin.

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Sounds like a problem that he needs to work out with his priest to me. You could offer to be his accountability partner in a program like covenant eyes, if you wanted. You could even present it as you wanting him to be YOUR accountability partner so that he is less embarrassed. Other than that I’d leave it be. But thats just me.

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It is important that the porn habit should be broken. It affects negatively on how he sees women.

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I think you might want to encourage him to see the persons he is looking at as persons.
Is it right to look at someone that way? To use them that way? Would you tell people you do that? Why not? Because it is a degrading way to look at another person, whether or not the person is willing or not.

Also, ask him what it will do to his real relationship with a real person if he gets himself used to some kind of unrealistic excitement. He’s starting a fantasy life that could keep him from some of the greatest satisfactions available in real life. He’s getting himself used to looking at other people in degrading ways and being OK with it.

I think I’d acknowledge that finding this exciting is very common and pretty predictable. He’s not different than other people. Unfortunately, the damage he’ll eventually do to himself and his ability to have normal relationships is also predictable. This isn’t a harmless private thing he is doing. It is exciting and alluring, but it is very damaging.

Encourage him to find other things to do when he feels like he wants to do it. One of them could be coming to you and talking about things. (Honestly, shooting hoops or doing some other absorbing physical activity is a pretty common source of healthy distraction.)

If he’s a minor, have you talked about this with your parents?

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There are 2 points:

  1. the usual advice non-christian psychologists is to check, whether all is OK with the brothers life - is he loved? Has he meaningful life and control over his decision? Has he any perspective, sports, school etc.? Usually porn, early intimate interests are due to lack of love, lack of meaningful relationships and activities. Faith based activities can be good, but one disregard that non-spiritual, rational decisions should be taken as well. We can join prayers with the meditation about our/his needs, way of life and in such a way discover what can and should be changed?

  2. porn is one thing, sexual drive is another issue. Well - I have no answer what to do with sexual drive. I know answers from the theology. It didn’t work for me. I am simply acting straight, I have no normal life as catholic (I have another thread about that). But well - I don’t simply have no recipe that is compatible with VII. I hope, that the theologians will reflect more hardly about it and that there will be VIII (Vatican Council III) which will take appropriate decisions. I am reading jesuit peer-reviews magazine “Theological Studies” and sometimes there are articles about reflections on sexuality and actually there are theologians that are trying to tame the hard-liners, the book-keeper-type-faithful who are not ready to take the real life into account. But such changes takes time.

My guess is - theologians and higher clergy is ready for reconsideration of the sexual matters, but there are risks of schism from the hardliner believers and that is why the motion is almost non-existent.

So - we should remember about love. Jesuit fahter James F. Keenan has s. c. virtue ethics approach to sexual ethics - and those virtues are meant for hardliners - we should approach with love and with deep compassion and understanding to those who are suffering from the sexual drive issues. Ignorance and hard line approach is not love.

Do you have statistics to back that up? I hope “most” Catholic boys are not looking at sexual photographs by 6th grade.

@Psalm30, I saw that post too, and my first thought was “so what?” Not sure what the statement about age (whether it is correct or not) has to do with the OP’s dilemma. It doesn’t matter what age they are or how “normal” or common it is. The OP is concerned about his brother, and rightfully so.

Tell your mother

I would say also to pray the Rosary as intercession for him or the divine mercy chalet or something. Prayer is powerful

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