One of my best friends, a long-term work and sometime music colleague, left an abusive wife. Left her the house, the car, everything and just got out with some clothes and his guitar.
He was the last and I mean the last man you would ever think would walk out on a marriage no matter how bad. I’m sure he’d have stayed if she were unfaithful or an alcoholic or a gambling addict but he just could not take the abuse any longer, physically or mentally. She fooled lots of folk too, told everyone all kinds of stuff about him and even got him thrown off his church music team by the minister and parish leadership group (non-Catholic church) … if he wasn’t a fit man to lead his own family they didn’t want him in a position of leadership in the church. Went to heroic lengths to still be a father to his two children and to this day even though child number 2 only has six months to go on child support, he still has a “silent address” so she can’t get at him. None of his friends, not even his parents, know where he lives so no one can give it away by accident or be pressured by her into telling. It took a few years for the truth to come out but there were a few red faces round his church when the truth about her started to come through.
Having “been there” for this friend since before he left her and seen the sorts of ridiculous things he wasn’t “allowed” to do and seen (even in the work context) the way he used to creep around like an abused puppy waiting for the next explosion … your brother has a bit of my empathy too.
No, from what I understand from Truly’s previous posts, these children are both from this relationship. So yeah, custody issues are going to come up and it’s going to SUCK for all involved.
Truly, I was so sad to see this. Praying for the intercession of St. Joseph for your brother. He needs to focus on his role as a father right now, and do all he can to protect himself and his kids from this abuser. Has he documented any of it?
He definitely needs to put the kids first. He is probably not physically helpless in comparison to her, so he must have time to move the children outside the house while gathering his things and leaving. Since women are usually weaker and less designed for fighting than men are, controlling women often find other ways to try to intimidate, and kids can be easy targets.
My brother doesn’t want any of his stuff, either. He just wants out. And his kids, of course. One is still in utero, though, so I have no idea how this is going to work. I have some phone calls to make.
Thank you so much, Guitar. My brother’s friends don’t know how to help him, and finally someone told me on Monday. I confirmed it with my brother that same day.
Most of the time, it is the other way around. More resources are available for women (like shelters), but we’re going to help him get everything he can.
Thank you. Prayers for you, too. :console:
Deb, you’re a doll. Thank you.
They are her babies, the oldest is 3 years old, and the youngest is due to be born in a few months.
You’re right, DJ.
Thank you so much. I feel so rotten – I just thought he was being a jerk for not marrying this girl. But I can’t change the past. All I can do is help him now.
I don’t know, I’ll ask him on Saturday.
This is true. I don’t know what she uses to physically assault him (fists? baseball bat? gun handle? all of the above?), but he feels that especially since she’s pregnant, he literally can’t do anything to stop her from pummeling him (besides block the shots with his arms), or he’ll hurt the baby and/or be arrested for DV.
I don’t know what kinds of threats she’s made involving the kids… But I do see how my niece acts around her mom, and I’m so scared.