My cross is getting too heavy


#1

I really could use some prayers please. This might be very scattered, I just need to get it out.

My cross is getting unbearably heavy, though I know it could be so much worse. I am afraid that by simply writing this that it will get worse.

I am going through an awful time emotionally, physically, and spiritually right now. I am being tempted and tried, I feel like God is a million miles away, I am physically very ill, and they can’t figure what’s wrong (besides the asthma.) I am in constant physical and emotional pain, I take all the meds they give me, which are doing nothing to relieve the symptoms only keeping me out of the hospital. I cannot work, I can barely do minimal housework, because of the physical illness. I cannot pray much at all, because of the mental and spiritual illness and trials. I feel so worthless and helpless and such a burden to everyone. So often I think about death, and how that would make things so much easier on everyone. I would never act on that. It just keeps running through my mind, as do the thoughts that I am bad and will never make it to heaven and that God sees me as a disappointment, is mad at me, etc, etc, etc. I hate Satan. I know that this is partially his fault. The other part is just being a human, a frail one at that.

Then the whole unable to have kids thing is unbearable right now. I know its for the best, I see it as providential right now, but its still heartbreaking. I am SO lonely. I fear that my husband will die too. He’s all I have in this big scary world. My family is so small, and my mother is pretty sick. She almost died last summer, and she’s the only one in the family I am close to. I thank God every day that I have with my husband, and for my mother’s condition stabilizing.

I have been sick since I was 7. I am now 25. I don’t think I will ever experience what it is like to be healthy and normal. Do you know what it’s like to be sick everysingleday of your life? Yes there’s better and worse days, but I am either physically or mentally ill, or, like now, both.

Nothing ever goes away, more gets added to the “cross.” I am being crushed under its weight and yet I know it could be so much worse. I have no idea who to turn to…why else would I be “publishing” this on the net. I am close to no priests here. I can’t trust just any of them. Most priests that I meet don’t understand mental illness. My family is far, but I do still see them. My darling husband is my best friend and spouse. I don’t know what I’d do without him. I hate being so sick in front of him. He is such a saint in caring for me without complaint. He is worried about me too, but, we’ve been to the doctors and there’s seemingly nothing more anyone can do.

So…long story short…I humbly ask for prayers…cause I no longer have the strength to pray for myself. :frowning:


#2

I am sorry for your pain and trials. May God lighten your burden and bring you peace and joy.


#3

Praying…I know it is hard, but with all your might “Trust” that God will guide you in all things. If the only prayer you can say is His name…just do that…over and over…“Jesus”, or Jesus I Trust in You!"

And yes, I do know what it is to be in pain every day of your life. I had polio at age 8. I have never been without pain since 1955,Trust me…God will see you through. He will not fail you. :hug1:


#4

Excellent point cmt ( as always).

There have been days when it’s all I could say and I believe there have been days when that is all cmt could say also. Nothing formal is needed because God knows your heart and your pain.


#5

I’m so sorry to hear this, Convert!:frowning: When there is nothing left to do…prayer is all we have left…I suppose it is God’s way of saying that truly, that is all that there really is–despite our good or bad health…good or bad finances. In some ways, our good health, finances…whatever they may be…can sometimes serve as distractions…I know that when I have been at my lowest, is when I came full fledged back into my faith.

That being said, God will see you through this, Convert…I just know it. There is a saint and for the life of me, her name escapes me. She was bedridden…for years and years…in pain…and couldn’t see …couldn’t sleep for years. Imagine not sleeping for years???:frowning: She said that she prayed during her grief…prayed for healing…and then for her, came to a realization that where she was, was where she needed to be at that time. She started praying for things outside of herself–it is an interesting story. She started praying for more convents…more people to come to religious life…and her prayers were answered. Eventually, a convent was built in her honor, for her prayerlife. I cannot recall if she recovered…I think she did, but she went through much suffering, and all the while…she said that she united herself with Christ’s suffering.

I am not sure what to say except that I’m here for you to speak to…to confide in. I have had my share of heartache…please please please do not think that you are a burden. Sometimes, when we need others, we are helping others achieve holiness by helping us. Someday, you will be healed. Hang on to that.

Just curious…you say they don’t know what’s wrong…have they crossed out fibromyalgia? I know that can be very painful. My prayers are with you, now and always…:console:


#6

I can really relate to your trials. I can suggest you tell your doctor that your depression meds aren’t working and you are experiencing pain with your depression. I did and they changed out my meds enough times to go nuts, but we found one that worked. I have pain everyday regardless, but it is the degree of pain that I am speaking of. Wait until one of your good days is a bad day! Ask St. Monica and St. Anthony for help. Dedicate your pain to Our Lord to take and do with it as He will and this will help. You don’t have to be on your knees to pray. Just sit back quietly and let Him take over, I do when it gets unbereable, and it really helps me focus. God Bless You and don’t give up, I will pray for you too.:thumbsup:


#7

Praying for you Convert and may all our prayers help hold you up as your strength needs to be consoled. God Bless your husband and mom who love you and want you to get better soon as do we.

The path begins with one step of the journey at a time. First, you are right not to worry about kids right now. You are only 25 and married for 15 months. Kids can wait. Our kids were born when we were 27 and 33 - you got plenty of time.

First at hand is getting you well - May God guide your medical team to heal your heart, and mind, and body. May you see a specialist soon gifted enough to recognize and diagnose your symptoms correctly and through God’s grace treat the ailments that continue to afflict you. May St. Jude intercede and guide you to health and happiness. Amen.


#8

Praying for you Convert in 99.

May God grant you his peace and speedy relief from your
troubles.

God bless you,
Jaypeeto4
+JMJ+ :signofcross:


#9

Praying, Sweetie!


#10

You are on my prayer list.


#11

Hey,

The story of my life! I too have asthma and rhumatiod arthitis, and no baby. I also have good and bad days. You have to pray to God to make you strong everyday. Don’t put yourself down, you are only human. Take it day by day. If you stress that is not going to make you feel better. You have to make yourself feel better emotionally, and physically. I know that you are going through a tough time, but I am sure that you are going to feel better soon. Think positive!:console: God will help you. You are in my prayers.

:gopray2:

God Bless,

Gladys


#12

Thank you SO much everyone. :smiley: You are my Simon of cyrene right now! :wink:

Thanks for all your prayers and support. My husband came home tonight and was upset because he heard a story of a woman who felt she was a burden to her family and committed suicide. I didn’t know he was worried I’d do that. Now I REALLY feel bad for him having to put up with me. :frowning: :frowning:

May God bless you and yours for your kindness to me! :slight_smile:


#13

Just pray by saying, "Lord, I offer you, every breath, my heartbeat, my suffering that I endure, I offer this In the Name of Jesus.


#14

Dear Convert in 99,

You are such an inspiration to us here at Catholic Answer Forum. In turn, may your prayers be answered in your hour of need!

Praying for you,

~~ the phoenix


#15

Convert…I thought a lot about you since reading this post earlier. My husband said his prayers are with you too. He felt really bad about your plight. He said that God will see you through this, and your husband sounds great–he will be there for you. Do not worry, remember…worry is a tool of the enemy. (I need to tell myself that more often):o

hugs and blessings abound…:gopray2: :gopray: :signofcross: :crossrc: :highprayer: :console: :hug3:


#16

Convert, have you thought about receiving the sacrament of the sick? I wonder if that would help you?


#17

that’s an excellent thought!


#18

My prayers for you :crossrc:


#19






This is also very good advice. My spiritual director adivsed me to ‘offer it up’ as I, too, suffered with Crohn’s Disease for over 20 years. Many saints have said that there is so much suffering wasted because it is not offered up. I know this may be hard but feelings are not important in giving your suffering to Him so that He may use it where He deems fit. My prayers are with you and may Our Lady surround you with her mantle of love. May you find your solace in the most Sacred Heart of Jesus, as June is devoted to the Heart that was broken for our sake. Deo ti benedicta!


#20

You are in my prayers and we are here for you…:gopray2:

God Bless…

:heart:Blyss


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