I went and prayed before the Blessed Sacrament and Jesus spoke to me.
He told me that the congregation I was in as a child was a fake. And so he gave me this cross because he knew that I would eventually abandon the fake, seeing that they could not free me from this cross.
But instead of searching for him, I went out into the world, I went out into the world seeking to be free of this cross by my own efforts. And so he left the cross with me so that I would keep searching. Finally I wound up at the synagogue where I met the God of Israel and found that He could free me from this cross. But I wanted to share what I had found with everyone and so He called me into the Church. But I was still in a state of sin. I was a drunkard and a pot smoker and carried on several other sins. And so he left me with cross as in my drunken, stoned state, I could not see him.
And so I have repented of my sins. I am clean and sober, I have quit smoking cigarettes and pot and carrying on in other sins.
And so now, clean and sober, I have turned to a life of prayer.
I am still a fallen sinner, still in need of savior to lead me out from my sins but now I am seeking Jesus.
He told me he gave me this cross so that I would come and find him because he is the only one that can set me free of it. And so, as much as I hate to admit it, this wretched cross was a gift of love after all. For without it, I would not have sought the savior but would have stayed among the lost at my childhood congregation, reveling in my sins instead of seeking the savior to set me free of them.
And so I said, “well, then, I’m here. Show me yourself. Show me who you are. But I no longer need it. It has served it’s purpose. Set me free of it.”
If Jesus answered after that, I don’t know if I heard it.
I might have met the one. I didn’t meet her for the first time tonight but I did see her tonight.
I don’t know if she is the one or not. She says that she is but I have my doubts.
Please pray and ask God to reveal to me whether or not it is her.
Please, dear God, don’t let this be another “learning experience.” Please don’t let this be yet another disappointment.
Please pray that this is for real. Please.