My Current Relationship


I need some insight on my relationship from more catholics. I would like to hear sugestions to our current problems and what you recomend would be best for us.

I little bit about us, we are both 27 years of age and have been together for 2 years. She is an extreamly devote catholic, while im more laid back. I would really like to marry her but thats something that cant happen for at least 3 years. I made bad decisions early in my life and right know finishing school and working to get a decent amount of money saved. This is my first really serios relationship with potencial for marriage.

When we first started the relationship she told me she did not want to have sex, and i told her that sex was something that was important to me, just to point out neither of us are virgin. We made it past our first year with no sex however we did do other stuff. Year 2 was little different we had sex for the first time. We had great chemistry and it was great however she was full of guilt afterwards. After that time we have engaded in sex 4 times always with an argument about the subject a couple days later. We would always full around together and have a great time and she had no objection to it.

One day without telling me she attended a puirty seminar at our catholic church and decied to get a puirty ring and withhold everything from me till marriage. I was upset with her for making a big decision and not making me part of it. So as you can imagine I have been realy frustrated.

Being a catholic myself i new what i was doing was wrong, but i never felt wrong becuase i am in love with her and i do plan on marring her. Because I love her I am trying really hard to accept this and get closer to God to try to make this bearable.

We are both active in our church going to mass every sunday, holy hour on thursday and mass on every first friday of the month as well as retreats and other various activities. However through the course of our relatioship i realized i was doing all the other activites to make her happy. I would be content with with mass on sunday and maybe a reatreat a year. However i find thats not enouph for her she wants me to participate more and be more active and grow and think the same as she does. This is creating a problem for me because instead of growing i am begining to push everthing that hast to do with church away. I feel it is the root to all of our problems.

I currently feel frustrated, not happy at the idea of waiting and sad in general.


A friend of mine who started dating this guy her senior year in college, had great physical chemistry with him, and was pregnant by the end of the following summer, told me once, "once you start, it's hard to stop". This is part of why you just cannot do "other stuff". Her story ended ok: they married and have a bunch of kids. But being six months pregnant at her own wedding was not part of her plan.

Practically speaking, are you ready to be a father? You say you can't conceivably marry for another three years. But are you ready to support a child?

It sounds like your girlfriend really wants to stop this behavior, but feels at odds with you, and feels like a hypocrite for participating once, but now saying "no".

You both need to be on the same page, or you need to end the relationship and find someone who you are more compatible with, faith-wise. If you love her, why do you want her to do things that she feels guilty about?

If you love her, you both need to go talk to a priest or somebody catholic (a married couple who are practicing the faith), for guidance on how to date chastely. And you might benefit from being part of a catholic mens group; it might help you become Catholic for yourself. When you marry, you want to be the head of your family, right? You don't want a home where your wife is telling you or nagging you to do this or that? You need to build your own faith because you value it, apart from impressing her, so that you can be a strong Catholic leader for your own family.


It was the "other stuff" that had me and my husband sometimes only date by email and phone, even though we were already living an hour apart. Because sometimes, the temptation was just getting way way too much and we knew that it wouldn't take much to push it farther. I really do wish we had stayed more chaste in our dating, even though we didn't "do it"....we were surely doing things that we shouldn't have done.


teelo, can I ask you some questions? How do you know you are IN LOVE with this young lady? How does she know she's in love with you? Can you say to yourself "tee, if I can never ever have any type of sexual relationship with her again I still want to be with her, cherish her and take care of her for the rest of our days because I am deeply in love with her." That last one is a hard one to answer - it must come from your heart, no man, woman or child can help you answer that - it has to be in you and come from you. The same holds true for her with regard to that question. It could even be rephrased to include church and all the religious activities you've both been involved with.

Love and marriage are very serious matters, which you already know. I would rather you two walk away and stay as friends then try to do something that is not within either of your hearts. Remember, God's Will not ours and in His time not ours!

Much Peace!

Mike :)


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