My dad thinks that Confession isn't doing me any good


#1

Hey everyone. My dad came over while I was gone (he has a spare key to my apartment and I let him come over to check on it when I'm gone) and my apartment was just slightly messy. Well, the night before I had told his girlfriend's sister that I was keeping my apartment clean. At the time I thought that I had been keeping it clean. I told her I had been keeping the cans picked up off my desk because every now and then I leave a few empty soda cans on my desk. Well, apparently I had not taken them off of my desk and I forgot to throw them away this morning. I had no idea that he was coming over. Well, I was gone to my Grandma's house. I then came home and there was this note from him and his girlfriend, Patty. They told me that I lied to Melody (when I didn't do it intentionally) and then they said I should stop going to Confession because it isn't helping me any. I was rather upset and so I crumpled up the paper and threw it away. By the way, if you see my religion as Episcopalian, it will be changed very soon. I fell away from the Church for a short time but I decided last night to stay Catholic.


#2

Confession is always good to go to. Anyone who tells you otherwise is like the serpent in the garden. Besides, your culpability is low in this circumstance.


#3

Lied? Because you did not pick up a few cans? Really?

Wow, so many people have no idea what telling a lie means. Keep going to confession and do not let your heart be troubled.


#4

[quote="Holly3278, post:1, topic:233887"]
Hey everyone. My dad came over while I was gone (he has a spare key to my apartment and I let him come over to check on it when I'm gone) and my apartment was just slightly messy. Well, the night before I had told his girlfriend's sister that I was keeping my apartment clean. At the time I thought that I had been keeping it clean. I told her I had been keeping the cans picked up off my desk because every now and then I leave a few empty soda cans on my desk. Well, apparently I had not taken them off of my desk and I forgot to throw them away this morning. I had no idea that he was coming over. Well, I was gone to my Grandma's house. I then came home and there was this note from him and his girlfriend, Patty. They told me that I lied to Melody (when I didn't do it intentionally) and then they said I should stop going to Confession because it isn't helping me any. I was rather upset and so I crumpled up the paper and threw it away. By the way, if you see my religion as Episcopalian, it will be changed very soon. I fell away from the Church for a short time but I decided last night to stay Catholic.

[/quote]

Change the locks on your doors, dear sister. Don't give your dad the key. What he did was despicable. He should not have gone into your apartment because you weren't gone, like out of town. What does having a couple of soda cans on your desk have to do with confession???

:confused:

And who is he to tell you that you should stop going??? I'd be tempted to say, "Well, Dad, you have NO IDEA what I am confessing so why don't you mind your own business? For all you know, I might be an axe murderer so it's important that I go for my soul's sake." Or, "Hey, Dad, want me to tell you the truth ALL THE TIME? OK, then I think your girlfriend has a face like the rear end of a horse. There, did I do good???"

I have a twisted sense of humor sometimes. Sanctimonious people make me really mad. How dare he.

:mad:


#5

That was a cruel thing your dad and his gf did, they owe you a apology, they also clearly don't understand confession, it always does you good.

I would guess they aren't practicing Catholics, and that they disapprove of your Catholicism, am I right?

Either way I am so sorry you have to deal with such obnoxious behavior.

You should ask him about it though I wouldn't be surprised if it was his gf who wrote it, she may be trying to drive a wedge between you and your dad.


#6

How annoying! My dad hasn't said anything quite that bad, but he will come over when I'm making dinner and whine about how messy my kitchen is (DUH! It's in use).

You know that confession does a world of good, and those few cans on your desk do NOT make you an unrepentant liar :) Do your father and his girlfriend have anything better to do than play holier-than-thou? :rolleyes:

Parents can be hyper critical at times, I suppose it is in their nature:rolleyes: I really hope someone lets me know if I wind up like that.


#7

Change your locks. Do not give someone who cannot be trusted your key EVER.


#8

Being messy isn't a sin. And what one person considers a mess might be another person't "creative clutter" (that is what I always told my mom anyway when she said my room was a mess). You didn't lie and your dad had no business criticizing you for leaving a few cans on your desk. I should post a picture of my desk...after 34 years of not living at home, I still have creative clutter.


#9

[quote="Joannm, post:8, topic:233887"]
Being messy isn't a sin. And what one person considers a mess might be another person't "creative clutter" (that is what I always told my mom anyway when she said my room was a mess). You didn't lie and your dad had no business criticizing you for leaving a few cans on your desk. I should post a picture of my desk...after 34 years of not living at home, I still have creative clutter.

[/quote]

The time to worry is when you've lost the cat, or a house guest, in the piles of stuff. Otherwise, as long as you can find the important things when you need them, it's nobody else's business.

I have a wonderful friend whom I love to visit, because we have our tea sitting on year-old newspapers, and put our plates on piles of books and magazines. There are chairs and a table under there somewhere, but she can't remember the style or colour. :)

Then I come home and feel like, well you know, it's not really that bad, around here. :o


#10

I am so sorry you are going through this. Confession is for mortal sin. I don't think you lied to anyone and honestly tell your dad nicely that what you speak about in confession is none of his business and that he can stay out of your apartment while you are not there. This is from the CCC,

2230 When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.


#11

Is your dad a practicing Catholic or did he just write the note to get a reaction from you? If it's the latter, that seems emotionally abusive to me, and I'd try to start setting boundaries (like, as others have mentioned, changing the locks).


#12

Tell your dad

1) you didn't lie

2) being messy is not a 'sin', it's a flaw, and all humans have flaws

3) confession is there because we are not angels. We make mistakes. We ask advice. We repent and resolve to sin no more. We fall and we use confession to help ourselves back up again.

4) It's time to give the key back:p


#13

My advice would be to forgive your father his trespass, as your Father in Heaven forgives you!


#14

My first thought upon reading your post is that it should've been titled, "My dad is butting in and being rude." My thought was that you should be more upset that he is in your business/talking about you and less upset about the specific details of the note. In theory of course, because you're human and have feelings. But I have the hint from your title and post that there are some unhealthy boundaries here and that maybe you aren't even confident about where they ought to be.

First of all, of course, he's wrong about the whole Confession thing. Of course, you should continue going to confession, and of course he is in no position to judge whether or not it is "doing you any good." So don't let that clueless comment influence your feelings about your spiritual growth.

Second, it's time to set the boundaries. I wouldn't lock my Dad out just yet. After all, it does sound like there are some benefits to having him have your key. And he is your father, and hopefully, you can have a good relationship with him. But a good relationship can only exist if it is based in mutual respect, and he needs to know that. I would let him know that the nasty note about something that was none of his business was an unacceptable way to treat me. I'd let him know that my housekeeping skills and the state of my soul, the value of my faith, and other judgments in between are not up for discussion. If he needs it spelled out, let him know that "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" is an excellent rule to follow, and that gossip about you or to you will not be tolerated.

Also, is this the first time he has used your key without you knowing in advance or asking him to do it? Is this a habit? I would let him know unless it is an emergency, I would prefer him to contact me before going into my house. Depending on how likely he is to respect my wishes, I'd phrase that as strongly as needed. If it really is impossible to get him to respect your wishes, then you may wish to find a more trustworthy person to hold your spare key.


#15

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